AIBU - class gifts to teachers are from the class - not just the children whose PARENTS contributed

[Gardenista]

I feel like I am shouting into the void here but isn't a class gift from all the children - not only the children whose parents have chosen to contribute?
It's for a reception class so it's setting the precedent but it makes me feel very uncomfortable that when so many families are struggling - I would hate for parents to feel they have to pay into a collection when they are struggling for the things their children need, just to save face. Am I being over sensitive - it's a state primary in an affluent area but there are a good 10% of families struggling ( on school's data).

@Changethetoner

can't you write it To Miss Watson, from Class 1A that way no names are needed.

That's how I understood the OP, the gift being from the class or possibly with the kids signing the card.

I think that's different than a few parents getting together for a group gift while others get a separate one.

I see it the same way as fun class trips where parents pay a fee to cover entrance costs or something like that. Kids whose parents can't contribute don't have to stay sitting in class while all the others go on the trip.

I wish I was writing the card then it would be just “ from class A” but I’m not organising the collection. The person who is has decided to list the names of the contributors only on the card.

I have known the class teacher for a while and she is lovely. She would be mortified if she felt any parents were being made to feel uncomfortable. She is an experienced teacher in a senior role in the school and has pre-empted this by telling the kids she’s hoping Santa will bring her some chocolate!

It’s odd to me to leave kids out . It’s the parents paying for the gift not the child . Do you also complain and refuse to pay for school trips as those children who don’t pay the money the school pays for them ?

That’s cruel. The kids have no control over whether or not their parents contribute. At reception level they will only have a very vague grasp of how collections and present buying work. You just end up with a bunch of 5 year olds wondering why their names are not on teacher’s card.

@CheetasOnFajitas

That’s cruel. The kids have no control over whether or not their parents contribute. At reception level they will only have a very vague grasp of how collections and present buying work. You just end up with a bunch of 5 year olds wondering why their names are not on teacher’s card.

Teachers don’t read the card out to the class and then list the names. The kids will have no idea their name is not on the card.

Do you think if only 2 people opt in for a collection, they should list 28 other kids names on the card?

In general I think you're right- if 10% are unable to contribute you would still expect 27 parents to chuck in a few quid and the card should just be from the class.

In reality loads of people just can't be bothered and its the same 15-20 parents every time who contribute. I don't see why they should be credited for being lazy CFs. I give for a class gift purely because I presume the teachers would rather have a voucher or something worthwhile but the politics of it is a bit dodgy.

At ds primary the alpha mums used to collect for class gifts, usually £15 per child to split £5 each for teacher & 2 TA, I never contributed but bought his teacher something like a bag of posh coffee, mug & a card & box of biscuits or nice mug for each TA with a card, all cards handwritten by ds.

As a teacher I’ve never seen this. I generally get a couple of small gifts (chocolate etc) from individual children but never class gifts. I’m glad because I know some of our families are struggling and I’d hate the thought of anyone feeling pressure to find money for me. I think if anyone does arrange a class gift, donations should be voluntary, relatively anonymous and with the expectation people can only pay what they can afford. Some families could afford £10 and some 20p and some nothing and that should be fine.

The point is to thank the teacher for a year of looking after and teaching their kids. It's once or twice a year, so everyone should be able to find a quid. If there's a few who don't contribute for any reason or another, do they really need to be shown up to make a point?

Unless the gift is only given in order to receive gratitude to make contributors feel better about themselves, then it's petty to list 20 names on a label, or '2/3 of class' or whatever.

God the drama! Why is the drudge of getting the teachers present seen as getting any glory?! There’s some very odd attitudes on this thread!

When my kids at primary a kind mum (different each year) would volunteer to do the present.if you wanted to PayPal her £ she would get nice vouchers and put your name on a card. Many working parents appreciated it. If you didn’t want to get involved you didn’t no one gave two hoots.

I think anyone organising a collection news to understand that not everyone can afford to contribute and take that into account before they start one. The £30 one poster mentioned is ridiculous, that is a large part of tbe budget for my own child's gift this year. If they want to organise it fair enough but don't put the teacher in an uncomfortable position of seeing various children's names left off the list, it will only lead to them thinking less of tbe organiser and more of tbe family's who couldn't contribute for various reasons. A gift is just that, an appreciation not a popularity contest or one upmanship.

@Peppafrig

It’s odd to me to leave kids out . It’s the parents paying for the gift not the child . Do you also complain and refuse to pay for school trips as those children who don’t pay the money the school pays for them ?

Completely different. The schools not topping up the gift money for the parents that don’t put in.

Actually the OP says it's a gift from the class. Which is to say, the children

But it’s obvious the children won’t be paying for it. It’s a gift from the parents of the children and in a class of 30. What if only 10 put in?
It’s still from her class but it’s from the 10 that actually bothered to put in. Not the 20 that didn’t.

@Boomerwang

The point is to thank the teacher for a year of looking after and teaching their kids. It's once or twice a year, so everyone should be able to find a quid. If there's a few who don't contribute for any reason or another, do they really need to be shown up to make a point?

Unless the gift is only given in order to receive gratitude to make contributors feel better about themselves, then it's petty to list 20 names on a label, or '2/3 of class' or whatever.

When it’s the same parents that don’t put in time and time again then yes. Why should they be thanked for something they haven’t put in for?

Like other teachers, while I appreciate any gifts children (parents) are kind enough to give, it's my JOB. Yes it's hard sometimes, especially this year, but an appreciative email copied to our Exec Head or a Christmas card with the children's real thoughts are the ones that get to me every time.

Honestly, I keep my special cards and the messages stay with me forever. Sometimes they can even bring me to tears - hopefully in a good way.

I'm not badly off at all and would absolutely hate any of the families of children I teach to feel even a bit of pressure to contribute.

I had one very special group gift from a lovely Year 6 class and I really really appreciated it. They were a very kind bunch and would never have left anyone out. Must say as a parent of 4 (now grown up) in a comfortably off (rural) area, I've never been asked to contribute.

Very well said @wasgoingmadinthecountry

I've been class rep a few times over the years and I've always gotten a card from all of the children in the class, listing all of their names, then popping the gift card inside. It's simple diplomacy. And I don't think it's fair on the teacher to let him/her know which kids' parents are the 'givers' and which ones are the 'misers', because that's how petty that would look if a card was signed only by parents who contributed. Totally petty. And most parents know this.

I give generously every Christmas. I don't do it for accolades or attention. I think collectively, not individually, when it comes to this.

Why should the parent who haven't contributed be included? If they don't want to put in that's their choice!

I like a class gift as a parent, it’s easy, requires no thought/effort and we are told to contribute what we can.

We always do collections, the school won’t accept physical gifts this year so we are emailing vouchers. When we do a collection individual names don’t go on to say who contributed and who didn’t.

There is a card which all the children are given a sticky label to write a message on for the card, not linked to whether or not they contributed to the gift. Other than the organiser of the gift nobody knows who contributed or not.

It does depend though.

Having been involved many times in class gifts over the years, although never organised it, people's response does vary.
Typically for our school they asked for donation, suggested £2-5, and to do something like get the child to write their name on a post it note, which would then be stuck into the card.
Most parents did this.
A couple if parents would say they'd do their own thing, which wasn't a problem.
And you'd get a small minority, who would kick off when asked, say things like "why would I do that", "can't be bothered with that", or just plain "no" even when just asked if the child could write their name, no need to give a donation.
You could then guarantee they would be the parent who kicked off because they didn8think the present was good enough or their child wasn't chosen to hand it over (and no it wasn't normally the child if the organiser) and otherwise turning it into a rather unpleasant situation at the end if term.
After watching this many times, I had a certain amount if sympathy when the organiser decided that she wasn't going to put everyone's name on the card, just those who returned the post it note.

It should be an individual thing. If its a class effort then there should be 1-2 pound collection. It's really unnecessary to put parents under pressure to give. My ds is at a private school and the gifts really are ridiculously overboard. Our gifts are more thoughtful as I refuse to get involved in the expensive competition that I have seen people doing.

When my children were at school there wasn't such a thing as a present for the teacher, though I do remember my daughter making a card for a very much loved teacher in infant school. I think that when buying gifts for teachers or contributing to a class gifts becomes a chore, and another expense, something you do because "that's what we do" that devalues it. If I was a teacher, I know what I would prefer. I'd prefer that children were not singled out because their parents were struggling at an expensive time of year. I'd prefer not to have meaningless gifts at Christmas. I'd be delighted if on some random day in the year when I was tired and dispirited a child gave me a thank you note or a little bunch of buttercups they had picked on the way to school. If you have to buy a gift, why waste your money on a gift that will be in the charity shop in the new year? Why not buy something for the classroom? We've all heard of teachers buying pens, pencils, etc., out of their own pockets. What about saying to the teacher "We collected £xx , and we wondered whether you might like something that will help you in your classroom, as a thank you for everything you do for our children?"

We have this, and names of those who didn’t contribute weren’t on the card. When I helped out though I changed that to contribute what you want/ can but EVERYONE gets to sign the card. In fact, I changed it to the kids signing rather than parents which shut the ‘naice’ parents up. Even they weren’t going to say a kid shouldn’t get to sign a Xmas card for the teacher...