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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - class gifts to teachers are from the class - not just the children whose PARENTS contributed

225 replies

Gardenista · 08/12/2020 13:44

I feel like I am shouting into the void here but isn't a class gift from all the children - not only the children whose parents have chosen to contribute?
It's for a reception class so it's setting the precedent but it makes me feel very uncomfortable that when so many families are struggling - I would hate for parents to feel they have to pay into a collection when they are struggling for the things their children need, just to save face. Am I being over sensitive - it's a state primary in an affluent area but there are a good 10% of families struggling ( on school's data).

OP posts:
Brieminewine · 08/12/2020 14:38

But it’s not from the class is it, it’s from the parents that have contributed. That’s just factual.

AndcalloffChristmas · 08/12/2020 14:44

The parents who organise them, IME, tend to be the ones sitting comfortably financially.

^^
Ours isn’t. It’s who ever is the PTA rep. And that person is whoever doesn’t mind doing it!

FourCandelabras · 08/12/2020 14:47

@OhioOhioOhio

I'm a teacher. Honestly don't worry about the gift. An email to my boss would be better.
This!
PegasusReturns · 08/12/2020 14:47

I can’t imagine of a miserable Scrooge you’d have to be to leave a child off the card/tag for a class gift because their parent hasn’t paid.

That is absolutely vile behaviour and any adult who thinks that is ok should be ashamed of themselves

sarahC40 · 08/12/2020 14:51

As a teacher, I think it’s awful that there’s such a buildup of financial pressure around Christmas, and simply wouldn’t want a massive gift for me to be part of it, in spite of how well meant It was. Write a lovely card; send an email - much more meaningful. As a teacher, if I were to get a class gift, I certainly wouldn’t be checking the names of the kids who contributed or didn’t.

VickyEadieofThigh · 08/12/2020 14:53

@OhioOhioOhio

I'm a teacher. Honestly don't worry about the gift. An email to my boss would be better.
Ex secondary teacher here. Gifts in our sector are v rare and I've always thought the creeping pressure on parents to give a gift or contribute every year for their children's primary teacher was not a good thing.
BoyTree · 08/12/2020 14:54

Why would anyone pay if they can get the glory anyway

Weirdest use of the word 'glory' I've ever encountered!

flaviaritt · 08/12/2020 15:10

On the general topic of gifts, of course nobody should feel pressured. But my child’s teachers have care of her for hours and hours each week. Yes, I know they are paid, but I appreciate the care they take of her person and feelings, not just her education. I am more than happy to contribute to a Christmas present for them on her behalf.

Kissthepastrychef · 08/12/2020 15:13

I'm class rep and have done the teacher gift fir the last couple of years. I make no pressure to contribute, set no particular amount and buy according to how much money we have in the kitty. The gift is signed from all the children regardless of how wealthy their parents are (and I have had a wide range of amounts donated)

Kissthepastrychef · 08/12/2020 15:16

All the parents in our class are happy not to get their own gift and teacher will hopefully be very happy with the goodies I have purchased for her

MedusasBadHairDay · 08/12/2020 15:29

Andcalloffchristmas I wonder if that impacts on how its organised? For my kids school it feels like the organiser is trying to prove how generous they are, with no allowance made for those who can't afford to be generous. Hence everyone is expected to contribute the same amount, can't remember what it was this year, but I remember being shocked by the amount.

Greysparkles · 08/12/2020 15:37

I can't think of any other scenario where someone would expect to be thanked for a gift they hadn't given Confused

930onaTuesdayNight · 08/12/2020 15:40

I agree completely OP. It is petty and small to leave off a few kids’ names when those kids have nothing to do with whether their parents paid or not.

As a parent and former teacher I LOVE a class gift. So easy. When taught in primary school I used to get 25 different wildly random regifts things that I often had no use for. I’d hate for people to spend more than a few quid on me but let’s face it, how many cheap scented candles and hand lotion gift packs from the Boots 3 for 2 aisle does one person need? Several of the kids would make their own cards/gifts as well or bring a tin of homemade Christmas cookies, and that was great. But if people do feel compelled to purchase a gift I personally would prefer one thing from the group.

Bitcherama · 08/12/2020 15:40

No, it's from those who contributed. Weird.

930onaTuesdayNight · 08/12/2020 15:50

The other thing about a class fund is it can be used to recognize other workers in the school as well. We ask people to contribute whatever they want and we get everything from £5 to £100 (London private school). From that we buy Christmas and end-of-year gifts for the teacher and TA, then we pool with the other classes in our year group to buy things for the custodial, office and kitchen workers. Last year they each got a £25 amazon gift card. TBH they were thrilled to be recognized for their behind the scenes hard work. Most parents like to do that but even a nominal gift for 15 people would be cost prohibitive.

930onaTuesdayNight · 08/12/2020 15:58

@Kissthepastrychef

All the parents in our class are happy not to get their own gift and teacher will hopefully be very happy with the goodies I have purchased for her
She will of course say she is but I promise she would prefer a gift card, maybe to the store where you bought the goodies. That way if she likes what you picked she can buy it herself but if not she can get what she really wants. It’s hard enough to get it right with gifts for close friends and family.
Original poster
Gardenista · 08/12/2020 15:59

@930onaTuesdaynight - yes - I've always bought for the non teaching staff as they often are overlooked but behind the scenes in the office or the dinner hall they are also working hard, and really appreciate being remembered with a box of chocolates for the office and the kitchen staff, lunchtime supervisors etc, who are often working part time on NMW so a treat is a nice surprise.

OP posts:
capercaillie · 08/12/2020 16:05

I’ve eased off Christmas gifts for teachers in the last few years and if we’ve done anything, it’s a very token gift. Always buy gifts for the scout and guide leaders who give up their time to organise and run activities.

tealjourneys · 08/12/2020 16:19

I've never done class gifts. A couple of mums in DS's class tried to do one in reception, but most parents just got something from their own child. They didn't bother in year 1. If enough people in your DC's year don't contribute I doubt there'll be one next year.

PegasusReturns · 08/12/2020 16:43

I imagine its the 'naice' mums that try to organise this? Something to brag on social media about perhaps

@PizzaForOne WTF?! Is that the only reason you can think for people wanting to give a token of appreciation to the person who has taught their DC all year?

I honestly can’t fathom some people.

TulipsTwoLips · 08/12/2020 16:46

I appreciate all the different points of view on this but as a teacher I wouldn't be overthinking this!

Kissthepastrychef · 08/12/2020 16:52

"She will of course say she is but I promise she would prefer a gift card, maybe to the store where you bought the goodies."

Probably not as she has a case of good wines and a cheese hamper, both of which were given her approval.

ChestnutStuffing · 08/12/2020 16:54

If the gift is from the class, that's the kids, and none have contributed. I think you have to be a bit of a shit to leave off the name of specific kids on a card like that, because their parents don't have the cash.

If there are a lot who can't contribute it might be best to forgo the whole idea.

NailsNeedDoing · 08/12/2020 16:59

I’m a TA, one year a teacher and I got a gift and a card signed with the words ‘from these children ONLY’ and a list of about two thirds of the class. Although we were very thankful, it made what was presumably supposed to be a nice thing pretty distasteful, and didn’t do much for our opinion of the woman who wrote that card.

I agree with a PP that a card and an email to the head is brilliant!

RayOfSunshine2013 · 08/12/2020 17:07

Its a gift from the people who paid.

Just like Christmas gifts from parents (Santa) to kids, some can afford 2 gifts, some can afford 200 gifts..

Life isn't fair and never will be, we’ve got enough entitled ‘i deserve this’ attitudes out there, stop trying to bring more up. Can’t afford it, you don't get it.