AIBU - class gifts to teachers are from the class - not just the children whose PARENTS contributed

[Gardenista]

I feel like I am shouting into the void here but isn't a class gift from all the children - not only the children whose parents have chosen to contribute?
It's for a reception class so it's setting the precedent but it makes me feel very uncomfortable that when so many families are struggling - I would hate for parents to feel they have to pay into a collection when they are struggling for the things their children need, just to save face. Am I being over sensitive - it's a state primary in an affluent area but there are a good 10% of families struggling ( on school's data).

I don’t think you should expect to have your kids names on a teacher’s gift if you haven’t contributed to it financially. What about all the parents who saved up or gave their last few quid to the collection? Why should some pay for all?

You can always give teacher a card your child has made with a nice message and/or a little inexpensive gift or token.

Contributing to class collections isn’t compulsory. If I’d put say £5 in and others put nothing yet still wanted to sign it I’d think they were being very cheeky!

I organise one for my kids' teachers, have done for a couple of years after hearing about another class doing it and thinking it was a brilliant idea.

1. I'm an ex teacher. I never expected anything and by far the most valuable presents I ever received cost virtually nothing but were made by the children. A letter, a picture, something they'd made (or obviously chosen themselves because it involved something they knew about me) etc. But I did tend to get a load of generic stuff I'd never use (like hand lotion with stuff I'm allergic to, or a bottle of white wine which I don't drink) and I felt awful that parents had spent money on this and i wouldn't use it. I really hate waste. I live in an affluent area where I know the combined total of what is spent on presents for the teacher is bonkers.

2. I know lots of parents who see teacher present buying as a chore, or don't know the teacher well enough to know what they'd like, or are working demanding jobs and never on school run, or have forgotten about teachers present and it's a source of stress acquiring one.

So I thought it was a good idea to do a collection for those parents who also think it's a good idea or don't want to be hassled with buying a gift. Maybe they think, like I do, that they'd prefer the teacher to get a voucher and chose something they'd actually like.

About half of the class generally contribute. There's never a suggested amount, people can put in 50p or £20 and their name goes on the card. Half the parents 'opt out' because they'd prefer their child to do something more personal. I get a voucher and a bunch of flowers with all the money collected.

I'd hate to think anyone thought I was doing it for any bragging on social media rights. I've never mentioned it on social media!

I'm a teacher (Year 6) and while I am very grateful for every present I've ever received from my pupils, I'd hate to feel that anybody was stressing about it.

Every year I toy with the idea of asking parents not to give me anything and instead to donate to the foodbank if they really want to do something - but I know a lot of them would end up doing the donation AND buying me a gift, so I wouldn't really be solving the problem! I do usually have a chat with the class a few weeks before Christmas just to say that they really really do not have to give me a gift and if they notice their parents stressing about it, tell them I don't expect one!

Having said all that I really do appreciate the things they give me. The presents that stand out the most are often very cheap - home made biscuits wrapped up in cling film, home made cards, two tea bags (because they all know I love tea) in the most intricate and beautiful little package. I like it when they give me boxes of tea bags too because it's useful and we all know I'm guaranteed to use them.

When a ten pound contribution was suggested for DS's class for Christmas i nearly choked. There is a lot of people seriously disconnected with reality even when a number of parents had already said that they were struggling as they've lost jobs. Especially when there will be another collection in July.

It does seem that far less parents contributed than in the past.

Personally I've avoided the class thing since they started because it got so political. I'd rather give something by myself tbh. Especially when the busy body who always volunteers for it likes to buy a pile of crap and won't listen to anyone elses opinion on what should be bought with the money.

Yabu but only because the whole thing is a nightmare, schools should say we appreciate the thought but don't bother, it's too divisive in more ways than one. Whether it's a parent organising just to brownose, or people feel bad as they're on lower incomes or feelings of unnecessary waste in gift giving.

Its started up on our WhatsApp and the kids are year 7 now and in high school! Where will it end!?! Havent even met a teacher yet!

I've always been ok with not getting involved with such things. When the kids were young and their teachers meant something to them they drew a picture and I wrote a nice card, no more.

If you don’t contribute then no you don’t get to have your name put down that you put money towards a gift.

It’s not from the whole class, it’s from the students whose parents gave money.

You didn’t. Your choice.

@PegasusReturns

I can’t imagine of a miserable Scrooge you’d have to be to leave a child off the card/tag for a class gift because their parent hasn’t paid.

That is absolutely vile behaviour and any adult who thinks that is ok should be ashamed of themselves

It’s not vile. The parents should put in if they want to be named on a gift.

I think it depends. If you didn’t contribute because you wanted to give the teacher your own gift instead, then you shouldn’t be included in the class gift.

Parents can contribute without paying - they can do the organising, purchasing, wrapping or presenting. Being involved in the class gift is not necessarily financial.

@FestiveChristmasLights

I think it depends. If you didn’t contribute because you wanted to give the teacher your own gift instead, then you shouldn’t be included in the class gift.

Parents can contribute without paying - they can do the organising, purchasing, wrapping or presenting. Being involved in the class gift is not necessarily financial.

I wouldn’t be happy if the lady organising it didn’t put money in herself. You can’t go around asking for money and then think because you clicked a few buttons on a screen and got something delivered that you don’t need to put any money in still.

I imagine its the 'naice' mums that try to organise this? Something to brag on social media about perhaps

One of the mums works at the school in a support role. She's confessed she does it 'to get one over on the other parents' and so she can dictate what is bought.

She is incredibly insecure and its about her getting the attention from the other parents and so she gets all the thanks from the teachers (she thinks it gets her in with the teachers).

There is definitely an element of competition with some parents over it and it's not about the teachers at all.

Hence me avoiding the entire thing after this confession.

Sometimes I don't contribute because i would rather do my own thing or don't want to be involved in what the class group is doing or one year with one teacher because I didn't want to give that particular teacher a gift. I don't want my child's name in the card when I don't contribute.

What an odd confession
We do this always in my schools mine have been at. It is optional, affluent area, so the teachers get a nice voucher to spend on something they choose instead of 25 boxes of chocolates. It’s also easy to buy small gifts for other staff who aren’t the full time class teacher. Often there isn’t an actual card and if someone doesn’t pay they voucher is for a bit less and the teacher is none the wiser who did and didn’t.

I have always thought that this is ‘competitive parenting’ gone mad. I was approached in the Summer by a Mum on WhatsApp about whether I wanted to contribute £10 to the teachers end of term gift. I was completely honest about having my wages cut, no child maintenance and roughly £600 going out on my daughters secondary school laptop and uniform and that was a light bulb moment for the parent. I often think that the parents who organise these ‘events’ do so not for the thought but for the virtue signalling. I know for a fact that my child’s teacher keeps his hand written note from when she hurt her arm in her notebook as a lovely reminder of why she’s a teacher. That’s worth more than however many vouchers they get.

Yabu - if I don't want to give a gift to a teacher, perhaps they are rubbish then I would be really annoyed someone wrote my kids name on a card.

@Elfieishere

If you don’t contribute then no you don’t get to have your name put down that you put money towards a gift.

It’s not from the whole class, it’s from the students whose parents gave money.

You didn’t. Your choice.

Actually the OP says it's a gift from the class. Which is to say, the children.

It’s a gift from the whole class anything less is petty when we are talking about children here .

My children go to an East London primary, and only in the reception year did some mums try to organise a gift. We donated a few quid, then the organisers asked us to put our names/kids names on a piece of paper and give the paper back to them, and they cut the names out and stuck it on a card. Only about 8 mums did this. What a load of hassle! The next year, i said i'd get my own pressie and so did the other mums when asked. Class gifts usually rarely go beyond reception class OP x

So you expect a gift to come from you that you didn’t pay for, seems odd......

Step Mum was a reception teacher..I loved, as a child seeing her cards that the children had made..One was in her sewing box for years, from a little girl in Poplar.
It is the tiny personal things that count. Sod the ''Class Gift'' impersonal as heck.

I don't do the Christmas present thing for teachers - they get a gift at the end of the school year as a thank you and that's that.

I always organised my own gift so kids could help choose it. So if my child’s name showed up on the card it would look like I’d done 2 gifts.

Also if I didn’t like teacher I wouldn’t get them anything so wouldn’t want my child associated with a gift.

I am not interested in this on the basis of whether my child’s name goes on the gift- or getting credit when I have not put in - my concern is whether other parents who weren’t budgeting for a teacher gift feel pressurised into contributing when they can’t really afford to, and I feel it is distasteful and divisive to just put on the card the names of children whose are parents have contributed. I feel it is insensitive.

I am very appreciative of the teachers, and they know this from the substantial time I have put into volunteering for the school (which I continue to do even now) and the funds I have raised to benefit the more disadvantaged students

Why would anyone pay if they can get the glory anyway?

Because it’s about doing something nice to show your appreciation of the teacher and nothing to do with gaining glory...

I’m with you, OP.

can't you write it To Miss Watson, from Class 1A
that way no names are needed.

How would you even draw a distinction? Surely the card would just say “love from Class 3B” and it would be weird for it to list the names of all the individual kids? So there is no list to include eve exclude children from.

Are people suggesting the teacher gets gift and card and the name of each contributing child is listed? Is it also handed over in a group at a time when the non-payers are somehow excluded from the room? Sounds like nonsense.