AIBU - class gifts to teachers are from the class - not just the children whose PARENTS contributed

[Gardenista]

I feel like I am shouting into the void here but isn't a class gift from all the children - not only the children whose parents have chosen to contribute?
It's for a reception class so it's setting the precedent but it makes me feel very uncomfortable that when so many families are struggling - I would hate for parents to feel they have to pay into a collection when they are struggling for the things their children need, just to save face. Am I being over sensitive - it's a state primary in an affluent area but there are a good 10% of families struggling ( on school's data).

And yes, I'm an ungrateful so and so..... and yes, maybe hated is far too strong a word. Sorry, I just got carried away.
What I hated was the pressure on the parents, many of whom were really struggling but understandably not willing to say so. The gifts, well meaning, and lovely to have but now forgotten. I'd rather the parents didn't buy anything and saved themselves the cash and stress. I suspect many of you who now organise this are better informed and mindful of other parents who are less well off. Gift giving should be a pleasure not stressful. And after all, teaching their children was what I got paid to do.
I don't have the same memories as I do from that half eaten chocolate Christmas decoration that "Suzy" brought me for my first Christmas as a teacher - wrapped in a card made with scrap paper from the class writing table and "I can wreet gd mip cims riv" (which she read as "I can write good now Mrs Riv Happy Christmas")proudly written inside. Or that necklace, or the many other small and precious items I treasure.
I still have that card and the coloured foil from the chocolate!

Most parents are just trying to do a nice thing, to say thank you and show they appreciate that their teacher has taken care of their child and done a lot especially behind the scene.

Yes, teachers are paid to do their job, I am paid to do mine but I still get a bonus (2 actually with Christmas). It's just a gesture.

Vouchers are easier for everybody. Many teachers have to buy their own supplyies, which is an absolute disgrace.

Our school has set up amazon wish lists so parents can contribute and see what the shortage are. Some parents give something, others join with individual vouchers - john lewis or other, which can buy food and be used online.

Some parents have far too much time on their hand if they manage to make a drama about gifts frankly.

The school has set up Amazon wish lists for the teachers or for school supplies ?

The school has set up Amazon wish lists for the teachers or for school supplies ?

sorry, it's actually the PTA who has set up amazon wish list for class school supplies - with a range of prices and things going from glue stick, pens to jigsaw for wet days, books etc.

I meant that some parents prefer to spend money toward the class than the individual teacher.

The requested contribution for my youngest’s reception class gift this year was 20 pounds. It’s a lot I think; considering there are 12 children in the class, that’s aiming for £250 gift. It’s an affluent area, but I expect there are probably families for whom that is just not a feasible amount. As a contributing parent, I would be prefer to say that it is a class gift leave off naming names.

So nice to see that the Christmas spirit is alive and thriving for so many

@SleepingStandingUp quite!

I'm so shocked that half of MN are ok with a class gift that overtly highlights those that paid for it? Surely that;s not a class gift at all but just a combined gift from a group of parents?

If I was a teacher I would hate to be made aware of who contributed. When we have a leaving card at work everyone signs if they want regardless if they chipped in for a gift.

The amount is set, if you want to give less you can (no one does)

Of course no one does, who wants to admit that they can't afford to?

One year, when there wasn't a fixed amount the person organising put a list in the whatsapp group of who had contributed and how much. I was thinking of donating that year, but couldn't afford the amounts others were putting in, so just stayed out of it entirely. It would have been humiliating to have been the one giving the lowest amount.

@Hobbesmanc

I'm so shocked that half of MN are ok with a class gift that overtly highlights those that paid for it? Surely that;s not a class gift at all but just a combined gift from a group of parents?

If I was a teacher I would hate to be made aware of who contributed. When we have a leaving card at work everyone signs if they want regardless if they chipped in for a gift.

signing the names of people who did get involved is not "overtly highlighting" anything

I am sure teachers are fine, do you really believe they would be angry or disappointed because of a missing family? Give them more credit.

You can't really compare with a card from work, where at least half the people signing don't even know what they are signing for, and don't care. I especially like seeing the "best. from xxx" which work just as well for birthdays or funerals. Brilliant.

@Divebar

It’s also interesting how so many people know exactly how many people have and haven’t contributed

The end of reception, the person organising it sent a list of all the people she needs to put in the card to the entire year's whatsapp group (including parents who had children in the other class). Just to make sure she 'hadn't missed anyone'.

Tactful it was not.

[quote Peppafrig]@Rosebel actually at our school the parent council pay for kids to go the Year 6 (primary 7 ) trip it they receive certain benefits. Thankfully.[/quote]
Yes I think this is normal and the right thing to do.

If there is a class gift/card being organised it's incredibly mean spirited to exclude any kid whose parent's - for whatever reason - didn't cough up the money.

I hate the things, it's just an excuse for the parents with too much time on their hands to look all virtuous.

If there is a class gift/card being organised it's incredibly mean spirited to exclude any kid whose parent's - for whatever reason - didn't cough up the money.

Would you feel the same at work though? Imagine a colleague is leaving and someone organises a collection. If you don’t contribute why would you expect your name to be on the card? People might think you’re organising your own gift and card.

I think it’s cheeky to decline to give to a collection but expect your child’s name on the card regardless. It’s like those non uniform days where you give £1 to the PTA, most people find the £1 but why should some pay and not others?

@Hobbesmanc Some people are bloody horrible.

It pretty much reveals those who give gifts as a nice thing to do for the recipient and those who give for recognition, IMO.

I've never thought about it like this before.

I used to buy a bottle of something as a thank you. Am more than happy to contribute to a group collection, but surely that is optional? We all have different amounts of money, different level of appreciation and expressing that.

Some like to give individually. Some en masse. For one teacher I made a point of no gifts as she had been dreadfully unsupportive of ds during a long term bullying issue. I would have been livid if his name had been added to a class gift to that teacher.

Some like to give individually. Some en masse. For one teacher I made a point of no gifts as she had been dreadfully unsupportive of ds during a long term bullying issue. I would have been livid if his name had been added to a class gift to that teacher.

I think the idea is not to list individuals and instead have it from the class. It's only people who seem to be desperate for the teacher's attention that are advocating putting names to the present (thereby excluding people).

There is a difference between a class gift and a group of parents though. I agree that leaving off individuals from a class gift could be mean, equally I have no problem linking with a few parents who would rather combine resources and not give 8 individual bottles of prosecco.

I would still want to reserve the right not to be included. I've done that on 1 group gift (the afore mentioned teacher) as well as a leaving gift (the head that also refused to address the bullying). Hence my reluctance for 'a gift from the class'.

Don’t like class gifts, but also don’t understand why people wouldn’t just put everyone’s name on the card.
Does it matter? The teachers will surely know not everyone’s parents have contributed so is it that the parents don’t want those who didn’t chip in getting credit?
Why would it matter.

I have been reading this with great interest as I’m organising the vouchers this Christmas. (And have done so before). The names of the children whose parents contributed go in a card (my child isn’t at the top or anything!), it’s a list of names that I can’t imagine is scrutinised by the teacher. Most parents contribute and there’s no set amount. As an ex teacher who got a box of chocolates and a card at most at Xmas (due to the cultural leanings of my pupils and the fact the area was economically deprived), and was fine with that I might add, I know the teacher won’t judge those that don’t contribute, if they even notice.
However, this gave me pause to think as I’m certainly not interested in glory for organising it and I usually ask a different parent to present it as I’m a bit awkward about these things! I’d hate anyone to feel bad about it, but I know many of the parents want their child’s name on the card. As far as they’re concerned I’m saving them the bother of writing a card etc and they’re happy with that.

I think it's generous to sign the card "from your class" or similar. But if I don't contribute for any reason, I wouldn't expect to be included in the card.

I would like to say of course it should be from everybody. And of course people shouldn’t be excluded if they are struggling financially.

The problem is that there will be a few CFs who can well afford it but will think “well my child’s name will go on the card anyway, so no need to cough up”.

There are also a few people who choose not to contribute because they prefer to get an individual gift for the teacher, so if their name goes on, it would look like they’ve given twice whe they haven’t.

Tricky one.

I sometimes organised the collection. Believe me I never mentioned it on social media hmm

Well I don't about you but I've talked about nothing else since November. I've posted lots so everyone knows exactly what a holier than thou, smug, naice woman I am

Or maybe I just like buying presents 🤔

That's a tricky one.
I always like to thank the parents who have contributed to a class gift as I always thank a child and parent if they bring their own card and individual gift. Feel a parent who didn't contribute but got thanked for it would make them feel worse possibly?
On a seperate note I'm shocked by some of the comments saying they don't think teachers deserve anything at all. When your child comes home with a gift, teachers and TAs have paid out of their own pockets for those? Teaching and support staff often have to fund their classrooms from their own pockets to provide the children with activities and experiences.
A card with a heartfelt message is always what puts the biggest smile on my face

Not read whole thread but I agree OP.

When I started having DC at school, I found that I'd make a donation to the collection, then a card would come round for just the donators to sign. I was horrified. Ruins the whole point of it being from the class including those who can't afford much. I thought the whole idea was not to make clear who had donated! I said so and got looked at like I'd just landed from Mars.

It's not happening this year as school have said no presents or cards for covid reasons - they're doing a general collection which will be shared out amongst all staff.

Some parents are UP IN ARMS. And I guess it's because they feel a need to show they are giving and get credit for it.