AIBU - class gifts to teachers are from the class - not just the children whose PARENTS contributed

[Gardenista]

I feel like I am shouting into the void here but isn't a class gift from all the children - not only the children whose parents have chosen to contribute?
It's for a reception class so it's setting the precedent but it makes me feel very uncomfortable that when so many families are struggling - I would hate for parents to feel they have to pay into a collection when they are struggling for the things their children need, just to save face. Am I being over sensitive - it's a state primary in an affluent area but there are a good 10% of families struggling ( on school's data).

It's from the children's whose parents contributed I'd say. But they are not a good idea.

The conundrum is that some parents won't contribute because they can't afford to, and some who could afford it will think that if they don't, DC will get their name on it anyway and they'll be quids in. (And some will want to get their own gift instead.)

On balance I'd go with every child's name because of the first group, but I can see why it might grate if it's the same parents putting in every time knowing that there's the second group.

See I don't care. i don't care if I'm the only person who contributed and the whole class gets the credit. If you want to contribute for a teacher present, then do, if you don't or can't, don't.

I cannot imagine thinking "heh heh I won't contribute and then I'll get my kid's name on it, even though I'm loaded! Clever me!" Are people really that tragic? No wonder I don't fit in at the school gate...

Oh well, you'd fit in with me @HerselfIndoors.

Sounds like a lot of people are still clamouring for validation and attention from the teacher as an adult! Why not just label it: meeeeeee Miss, meeeeee!

We’ve done class gifts of vouchers for years so the teacher can get something they need or want rather than lots of little things . Don’t think an amount should be set though and whilst I think the gift is from those that contribute it’s unnecessary to just miss off a couple of names to make a point

I agree cam - though that was bitchy of me to say tragic. feeling menopausally hormonal and I hate this kind of thing.

Secondary school is so much easier!

I just don’t think anyone thinks I won’t bother because I’ll get the credit anyway. More likely they think I can’t afford it, or I can’t be arsed, and they don’t give it another thought.

I think unless you’ve contributed then you don’t get to sign the card. I’ve organized class gifts before and unless parents have paid, their children are left off. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise!

@pylongazer

Why should the parent who haven't contributed be included? If they don't want to put in that's their choice!

I'd have loved to have been able to 'put in'.

However, twenty five quid per child a fortnight before payday when I was a single parent to two children was never, ever going to happen. The offered fiver in assorted coinage was declined with a look of total disgust.

Didn't bother after that. Especially when the price went up to fifty quid for the one at the end of the year.

@HikeForward

If there is a class gift/card being organised it's incredibly mean spirited to exclude any kid whose parent's - for whatever reason - didn't cough up the money.

Would you feel the same at work though? Imagine a colleague is leaving and someone organises a collection. If you don’t contribute why would you expect your name to be on the card? People might think you’re organising your own gift and card.

I think it’s cheeky to decline to give to a collection but expect your child’s name on the card regardless. It’s like those non uniform days where you give £1 to the PTA, most people find the £1 but why should some pay and not others?

Leaving cards at my workplace have always been signed by everyone with no expectation that people give money. You don't know people's individual circumstances and people may still want to sign a card.

It's not the same, anyway. If there is a card going from a class to a teacher every kid should be able to sign it, regardless of whether their parents have contributed to some bullshit gift that the teacher doubtless won't even want. Otherwise you are excluding kids from something that will probably give them and the teacher a bit of joy for no fault of the kids. It's just mean.

@Hillsandhumps

I think unless you’ve contributed then you don’t get to sign the card. I’ve organized class gifts before and unless parents have paid, their children are left off. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise!

How is it fair to exclude kids because their parents can't afford to give some money towards a shitty present? Just seems incredibly mean spirited to me. A card costs, what, £2? Just let everyone sign it and don't be such a twat.

It wouldn’t be fair otherwise!

Life isn't fair, and that's why some people can't afford to pay, or are so busy working that they're not in the loop. That's not their kids' fault. Kids and parents suffer enough from not having money. The least those who have money can do is chip in for a present from the class and let everyone sign it - or just sign it "from everyone".

How can making sure you get credit for your contribution be more important than helping everyone feel included and part of a community? And I say that as the most curmudgeonly, cynical old bat you'll ever meet, but I still think leaving people out is petty and vindictive.

Schools are always doing charity fundraising and teaching the values of helping others and it's all lovely - but "only those who chipped in get to sign or it's not fair!"

I do not get it

I’m doing our class and it’s anonymous donation, whatever you want or not. Vouchers for teachers and TA and card from “the class”

Oh no! I'm often an organiser of this kind of thing, mostly because I hate the thought of buying wine or chocs and it not being something that teacher likes for eg.

I always just say 'contribute what you like by x date' and sign it from everyone in that class. I don't check who joined in or didn't. Some parents say that they want to do something themselves and some parents bite your hand off with relief.

I'd always much rather chuck some money in a pot than have to do the actual buying and organising of a whole bunch of potentially useless gifts but interesting to see how badly this is viewed by some (including teachers!)

I'd always much rather chuck some money in a pot than have to do the actual buying and organising of a whole bunch of potentially useless gifts but interesting to see how badly this is viewed by some (including teachers!)I think the teachers are just uncomfortable with the idea of parents feeling under pressure (even very subtle pressure) to give more than they can afford.

You're absolutely right, OP, and I'm sure the class teacher would feel the same.

I guess the pressure is there anyway though - when all the children trot in with their present and card and you don't have one you feel a bit rubbish too. That's been me/my kids when we don't do a group collection because I just haven't had the time or energy to go and buy individual gifts etc.

I find chipping into a collection (we've never had a specified amount though) much less pressured.

Collections are fine as long as there's no specified amount and no one is left off the card. The problems arise when one or two parents decide they will organise it, invent a price that they can afford but many others carnt and then use the money to buy the gift of their own choice. The very nature of this puts other parents in a difficult position, makes the teacher feel awkward and alienates some children all so a specific parent can feel like they are top dog and want the glory. I have to say this does not impress teachers in fact it bakes them think so much less of the organiser.

Well said @Marzipan12. Exactly what I was trying to express. You have put it far more clearly.

Leaving cards at my workplace have always been signed by everyone with no expectation that people give money. You don't know people's individual circumstances and people may still want to sign a card. It's not the same, anyway. If there is a card going from a class to a teacher every kid should be able to sign it, regardless of whether their parents have contributed to some bullshit gift that the teacher doubtless won't even want. Otherwise you are excluding kids from something that will probably give them and the teacher a bit of joy for no fault of the kids. It's just mean.

At my workplace we either group together to pool funds for a gift (may be a few groups so a few gifts and cards) or give an individual gift and card if we prefer. Or none if we don’t like the person!

Parents could still send in a card of their own (teachers IME aren’t bothered about gifts more the thought) they don’t have to contribute to a collection and sign the card associated with that collection.

If everyone signed but only a few contributed lots of people wouldn’t bother to contribute, regardless of whether they could afford it!

If everyone signed but only a few contributed lots of people wouldn’t bother to contribute, regardless of whether they could afford it! which suggests they're not really sold on the idea of the group gift and it should be dropped.

@HikeForward

Leaving cards at my workplace have always been signed by everyone with no expectation that people give money. You don't know people's individual circumstances and people may still want to sign a card. It's not the same, anyway. If there is a card going from a class to a teacher every kid should be able to sign it, regardless of whether their parents have contributed to some bullshit gift that the teacher doubtless won't even want. Otherwise you are excluding kids from something that will probably give them and the teacher a bit of joy for no fault of the kids. It's just mean.

At my workplace we either group together to pool funds for a gift (may be a few groups so a few gifts and cards) or give an individual gift and card if we prefer. Or none if we don’t like the person!

Parents could still send in a card of their own (teachers IME aren’t bothered about gifts more the thought) they don’t have to contribute to a collection and sign the card associated with that collection.

If everyone signed but only a few contributed lots of people wouldn’t bother to contribute, regardless of whether they could afford it!

So what? The whole idea of a class present is stupid. A card signed by all the kids, not just the ones with parents who can afford to and/or give a shit is a much more inclusive idea.

At our work a card goes round with a collection. You sign the card and put money in if you want, but it’s up to you. The person in charge leaves the envelope with you so whether or not you contribute is confidential to you.

@CheetasOnFajitas

At our work a card goes round with a collection. You sign the card and put money in if you want, but it’s up to you. The person in charge leaves the envelope with you so whether or not you contribute is confidential to you.

That's what we used to do.

I think that example is different from the class present to teacher issue, though. A present from colleagues is adults giving to adults. The present for the teacher is supposed to be from the children but perhaps the class collection should be from the parents themselves and they should sign the card if they have donated.