Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - class gifts to teachers are from the class - not just the children whose PARENTS contributed

225 replies

Gardenista · 08/12/2020 13:44

I feel like I am shouting into the void here but isn't a class gift from all the children - not only the children whose parents have chosen to contribute?
It's for a reception class so it's setting the precedent but it makes me feel very uncomfortable that when so many families are struggling - I would hate for parents to feel they have to pay into a collection when they are struggling for the things their children need, just to save face. Am I being over sensitive - it's a state primary in an affluent area but there are a good 10% of families struggling ( on school's data).

OP posts:
Marzipan12 · 09/12/2020 07:13

For the majority who don't contribute it's because they just carnt afford it. It's got nothing to do with not being bothered . Teachers mostly prefer hand made cards and wellthought out individual smaller gifts with a personal note that takes effort, throwing money at a collection of you are lucky enough to afford it shows they cannot be bothered.

MsTSwift · 09/12/2020 07:15

Personally would rather receive one Amazon or John Lewis voucher than 14 mugs. My mother was a primary school teacher in the 80s/90s and used to get a right load of tat (she didn’t say this was my view as a teen)

itsgettingweird · 09/12/2020 07:16

If a teacher is given a class gift they honestly rarely actually worry about who contributed and certainly don't seek to read and digest the names.

Most teachers I work with and know personally don't expect gifts, are embarrassed by extravagant whole class gifts (for the exact reason they know the pressure put on struggling families) and much prefer the personal pictures or words.

ibblebibbledibble · 09/12/2020 07:16

But you’re assuming the only reason people aren’t contributing is because they can’t afford it. What about the ones that are just choosing to do their own things.
I would just phrase it along the lines of ‘some of us thought we’d club together and get a joint gift, let us know if you’d like to contribute’

Littlepond · 09/12/2020 07:19

I remember in year 1 there was a class gift and card - the class rep gave out stickers for the kids to write their messages on for the card. (And insisted it should come from the child as “so much nicer”) My son could barely write - and no way he could fit anything more than his 3 letter name on one of those white little stickers. It was just a chance for mums to show off that their child could write “Dear Miss Smith, thank you for being a wonderful teacher love From Amelia” on a teeny sticker.

We did our own card.

Bluntness100 · 09/12/2020 07:20

Yeah I also think this is difficult, because it won’t just be folks who can’t afford it, some just won’t want to contribute, and then what will effectively start happening is only a few will, and everyone else will think why bother, my kid gets the credit anyway,

I think the level of the contribution should be up to the individual, with no level articulated, ans the money handed over from the kids, so if it’s fifty pence, there is no embarrassment.

ChristmasinJune · 09/12/2020 07:20

@OhioOhioOhio

I'm a teacher. Honestly don't worry about the gift. An email to my boss would be better.
Oh gosh this 100 times over. I post this often at Christmas and in the summer. We get paid to do our jobs, we really, really don't need people to spend money they don't have buying us chocolates and gift vouchers. Honestly the best present your child's school staff (all of them not just teachers) could have, is a lovely message saying thank you and that you appreciate everything they've done.
rwalker · 09/12/2020 07:22

Honestly I'd do a hamper of food and cash put a picture of it in a card and give them that .
Shows teacher there appreciated and a useful gift instead of random shit .

SionnachRua · 09/12/2020 07:23

@Marzipan12

For the majority who don't contribute it's because they just carnt afford it. It's got nothing to do with not being bothered . Teachers mostly prefer hand made cards and wellthought out individual smaller gifts with a personal note that takes effort, throwing money at a collection of you are lucky enough to afford it shows they cannot be bothered.
Do we? Personally I'd far rather get a voucher from my class than an assortment of mugs/chocolates/candles etc. Handmade cards are always good but a voucher beats individual gifts any day.
Benjispruce2 · 09/12/2020 07:24

I’m a TA and this is why I’m really uncomfortable with parent gifts. It’s really unnecessary and I’d hate to think someone was stretched cash wise and spending on me when we already get paid. A drawing or Christmas card from the child is more personal and free.

TramaDollface · 09/12/2020 07:31

Some little brat prevented my son from signing a class card last year and he was mortified. I’d already done my own gift and it’s was a decent one too but my son was made to feel like a scrounger.

I do find all the vouchers really impersonal and feel like I’ve not made an effort really.

FortunesFave · 09/12/2020 07:32

if you don't contribute, you're not part of the group of givers. That's just reality

This shitty attitude is part of the problems that the world is facing right now.

One year, I forgot and then found that every parent who had contributed was given a little postcard to write a message on by the woman who organised the collection...so the teacher will have known who didn't. It was an oversight as I had been bereaved...shitty thing to do.

hopeishere · 09/12/2020 07:33

something for the naice mums to brag about on social media

Meow!!

I sometimes organised the collection. Believe me I never mentioned it on social media Hmm

Loads of parents were working and loved just being able bung in a tenner.

It's a group gift not a class gift so it's from the group who contributed. People were free to do their own thing but we generally had 25/30 participate.

user1494050295 · 09/12/2020 07:35

We do class gifts a fiver each. About 95% of parents contribute. This year I made the case for not supporting Amazon vouchers so we have done something different. Some parents don’t contribute because they are on pp but luckily even some of those contribute. My personal view is we should all contribute.

Standrewsschool · 09/12/2020 07:38

Doesn’t just stop at class gifts. Heard two colleagues having a discussion recently whether a ‘Leaving card’ should include everyone, or only those who contributed to the leaving gift.

Ptaalphamummy · 09/12/2020 07:38

I never did gifts. When my younger ones were small I couldn’t afford it. Genuinely could not afford it. I was a single parent on a low wage with older kid at uni to support. And I went to uni myself.

They wanted a tenner per child.

I was made to feel like utter shit by the pta alpha mummy because I didn’t contribute and she refused to let my children sign the card.

Funny how no one asked my ex for a contribution it was all on me who was barely even scraping by.

It made me cry, it made my daughter cry.

I hate it.

daisypond · 09/12/2020 07:38

Never, ever heard of class gifts.

Ohtherewearethen · 09/12/2020 07:40

It's an opt-in thing isn't it? It's not compulsory. Presumably you haven't had parents demanding that their child's name be put on the card despite refusing to pay? Maybe they don't want their child's name signed on the card? It could also be a bit embarrassing when the teacher emails the whole class with a grateful thank you note for the wonderful gift because she hadn't realised that not everybody wanted/could afford to be part of it.

crystabel · 09/12/2020 07:41

So they only put people who've put money in on the card! Every class gift I have ever been involved with has a PayPal pool that you can contribute to IF YOU CAN. The card is separate and from ALL. The whole point is those who cannot contribute don't have to but are still seen to everyone as being part of it and no one knows who put what or nothing in! Our school are not allowing individual gifts or cards to teachers this year (with Covid) so the class gift and card is all they will get..

WitchesSpelleas · 09/12/2020 07:46

Some parents might not want to be associated with the gift - if they don't think the teacher has made much effort with their child, for example, or if they object on principle to the idea of giving someone a gift simply for doing the job they are paid to do.

icedgem85 · 09/12/2020 07:49

I fully agree and can't believe anyone doesn't! Same with group gifts, you just put from X group, not mark out the names of who contributed thus excluding those who can't afford it. Yes, it also excludes those who simply couldn't be bothered, but why be petty? It's bloody Christmas after all!!

Ptaalphamummy · 09/12/2020 07:49

In my kids school, only the kids whose parents put in for the collection got to sign the card.

HitthatroadJack · 09/12/2020 07:50

YABU

It's not mandatory, especially Christmas
but the idea of a "group" gift it to make it easier for those who want to join
save the teacher from receiving 25 mugs or random tat

I have always seen vouchers around here - it's a little gesture and we are sure the teachers will actually enjoy what they chose!

YAB massively U if you think teachers will think any differently of a child whose family has not contributed! Or any family who HAS contributed for that matter.

It's impossible to get signatures this year, in our schools kids are not even allowed to exchange christmas cards (brilliant news might I add!)

HitthatroadJack · 09/12/2020 07:52

There are 2 primary schools closed here because of covid.

Anyone who organise collecting CASH and signing real cards should be ashamed of themselves.

It's much easier and transparent to do everything virtually and email vouchers to the teacher anyway, contributors can stay anonymous on the donation pages.

ChronicallyCurious · 09/12/2020 07:53

I think it depends on: the size of the class, how many people haven’t contributed and how much donation was asked.

More than 5/6 people and it’s not really a class gift is it? Especially if it’s a small class. However, the £30 that a PP mentioned is ridiculous. We live comfortably and I would not expect to donate anything more than £5 to a class gift. Anything more and I’d get my own.