Inheritance worry

[Worthless90s]

Evening all, I am just wondering if I am being unreasonable or not. I am finding it increasingly unfair how my dad has sorted his will. He is remarried to a younger woman and they have 2 children together. I love my stepmom and my brother and sister dearly, I just really don’t like that my dad appears to have left everything to her.

He has said that his children get his pension if he dies whilst in service, this will be split 5 ways, if he isn’t working we don’t get anything it goes to his wife. He has also said that he has made it that my sisters and I cannot force my stepmum to sell their approx £400,000 house in order to get our money so we have to wait for her either to sell or when she dies it has been written that his half will get split 5 ways (we would never force her to sell anyway, it is not in any of nature)

My stepmum always tell people she has 5 children not 2 and she loves us all equally but I don’t quite believe she will take that attitude when it comes to any inheritance I worry that she will keep it all and my sisters and I won’t get anything. If that happens my brother and sister would stand to inherit half a million each.

My mum on the other hand has stayed completely fair and her house has been left 50:50 between her husbands children and hers. I just don’t get my dad as he has always stated he would be fair and we would always get something from him so now I’m confused why it sounds like he isn’t leaving us anything. I don’t know if it is a change of heart as his parents won’t have anything to leave him but his wife’s family are all about leaving everything to their children.

For the record I don’t expect anything from my dad, and I want him to live a long and full life. I love my dad and my family, I just don’t get it.. he says it is written when she passes away it gets split 5 ways but she is nearly 20 years younger than my dad. I think the thing that confuses me the most is that before he met her and even when they first started dating he always swore he would split it between all his children fairly and now he isn’t.

I feel like I should speak to him but my stepmum would get instantly hurt like I was making her out to be an evil stepmum (which I’m totally not, I love her to bits) or he would tell me that I was only after his money (which again I’m not) I would get it if he said that his plans are going to change when my brother and sister are over 18 because then no one has “children” to raise. I just know my stepmum will have left any of her equity to my brother and sister so why can’t my dad.

AIBU for wanting to talk to him and tell him how unfair i find the whole thing.

Kids can't be completely disinherited as the can in Scotland,

ENGLAND ffs

OP I think you really need to step back from this, I know we don’t know when our time is up but you would hope you would have a good 20 or 30 more years with your dad around.
You need to assume your stepmum will continue as she had for years but also bearing in mind in 25 years at occasions like Christmas you will have your own family around and not relying on her invitation alone.
My parents are in their late 70’s and only have this type of conversation, I think drop it and get on with enjoying all of their company. In 20 years if you would like to mention to your dad perhaps you having a particular ordnament he might be more open to having a conversation. In his 50’s he must be thinking you can’t get rid of him fast enough.

I'm sorry if I came across as harsh, but if you have a parent in their 60's as am I and all you think about is inheritance. All I can think is that's not a child I want in my life. as they just don't get it!

@SallySaidHi .. what was said here, completely on point.

Clearly your are traumatised in some way, but I knew exactly what i was doing from 14 onwards, definitely some naivety at many points, but I knew right from wrong even if I created a storm.

If your father has even had an inkling of your thinking, I'm inclined to think he's done as he has because he's completely disgusted by your thinking.
Parents at some point accept they have produced good or bad eggs.. sadly as we age we see that some children just take the monumental P. And they have something utterly gruesome about them. Just because we carried you and birthed you raised you.. after the initial pain of betrayal kicks in, we soon wake up and see no matter what we did, we gave birth and raised not very nice lovely caring people, but self obsessed materialistic individuals. Not always but some/a lot of the time.

I have to say, I'm feeling pretty sorry for your father and his wife and their kids. You profess love for them, but you with your husband child and family unit and already assured inheritance from your mother, are happy to see your half siblings destitute and same for their mother.

This is not on your fathers now wife and children. She deserves as his now wife to ensure security for herself and children.

I can not believe how sad I am for him.. that my own child in my now 50's is more concerned about inheritance that she has no friggin claim to now as a teen let alone as a grown woman with her own husband and child and home.. I absolutely despair.

If you ever come back to comment or start a new thread as so many do when they don't hear what they want, I hope you offer an explanation of how your other grown siblings think. If you don't, I'm of the ilk they don't think kindly of your thoughts either.

Dear me, if I were your dad, I think I would be pretty wise to your thinking and if he's done as he has, it's because he is completely horrified by your money motivation ways. How horribly sad for him.

I think I know how you feel OP and despite appearances it is not about the money but about feeling forgotten. I think you have lots of unresolved feelings about how you have been treated by both parents. I have to fight not to think about the fact that one of my parents bought a house for one sibling (step parent's child) and will not write a will just wants to rely on the step parent 'doing what's right'. Inheritances are awful because if you want to discuss things whilst the person is living then you're money grabbing and if you want to raise things afterwards it's too late or you're heartless. I have no doubt at all that I will get nothing and a large part of me wants to cut contact to avoid that pain in the future. I know however that that makes no sense, is a major over reaction, but I think children of a first marriage often (not always) feel left out, in the way, unloved and inheritance issues bring all those feelings to the surface. I can't advise you OP, my plan is to try not to think about it, not to get angry when yet another thing is bought for my sibling, not to feel unloved when I'm not invited certain places, when I'm not even considered to be in the Christmas 'bubble'. Make my own life and try to be forgiving. In a way I've started to view this parent as a loving uncle/aunt rather than parent. That way I expect less and also feel less responsibility towards them.

You've already got him in the grave and pre-empting your SM married to another .. again as a person in their 50's .. my own child was thinking like this.. they would get diddly jack s4it from me..

Previous post to last i meant parent in 50's as I am not 60's.

I think this all comes down to jealously and you wish you had what you're younger half siblings have. Do youre other siblings have the same attitude as you?

it is not about the money but about feeling forgotten

What part of OP anticipating asking her much younger half siblings for cash handouts if she doesn’t get what she wants makes you think it’s not about money?

@bigvig errr pardon, are you perhaps projecting. As the focus for OP is about money. Not being forgotten. I feel physically sick and as a woman and mother in my 50's if my child was thinking let alone putting this out for advice I swear to god I would cut that kid off as they don't give a flying one about me.. just my money.. no ifs or buts... that her father has entertained anything for the future is generous in my view.

Even if he didn't give all to his now wife and kids that share to other kids would go to the Dogs Trust.
Dang, in your late twenties married have own kids and you've already got your dad in is grave and DM married off.. you're definitely a keeper as kids go... NOT.

You seem to have the financials very confused somewhere. You're talking about "millions" for your siblings, but say the house is worth £400k and his half splits 5 ways, so that's £200k/5 = £40k. That's it, that's what you're financially winding yourself up about the risks of losing. You need to stop being jealous that your siblings have other inheritance, just put all that to one side. Yes, £40k would be nice to have, but even the full £200k would not change your life regardless of whether you get it or not. If you want lots more money then you'll just have to work to earn it instead of getting all wound up over the maybe inheritance of a small sum. You're risking poisoning the relationships over money that may not even exist by the time they both die.

All this haggling about ornaments that your dad is still using is awful, you're going to have to stop doing that. It's fine to ask for a memento of your grandparents, but it's telling that you only want something you perceive as having great financial value; try asking for copies of photographs for Christmas instead, those will be more valued by you in the long term when you've got past this money obsession.

Very grubby and grabby post

OP is a troll who cant get get her story right.

when my brother and sister are over 18 because then no one has “children” to raise

Then last night she says they are all over 18 now.

One minute step mum was close to her in age, then she talks of how step mum loved them all when they were under 18.
? I'm reporting

@Tistheseason17 I thought that very early on in the thread and I reported last night. It's a mess.

Something similar happened to my Dads cousins. I was chatting about it with my Italian housemate. She was saying in many European countries including Scotland it's very difficult disinhearit your children. She said the idea that children should not expect anything is very English, and that in her country its seen as the parents duty to provide for their adult children even if they want to give everything to their current spouse or romantic partner. Here its seen as the children's duty to earn their own money and not to expect anything and not to complain if Dad leaves everything to his new partner. Not useful to your situation but interesting. If you want sympathy about your situation chat about it to a friend from a country with forced heirship!

Jeez! I'm 55 and husband is 60. I sincerely hope my step daughter and step son aren't already planning their dad's death!