Inheritance worry

[Worthless90s]

Evening all, I am just wondering if I am being unreasonable or not. I am finding it increasingly unfair how my dad has sorted his will. He is remarried to a younger woman and they have 2 children together. I love my stepmom and my brother and sister dearly, I just really don’t like that my dad appears to have left everything to her.

He has said that his children get his pension if he dies whilst in service, this will be split 5 ways, if he isn’t working we don’t get anything it goes to his wife. He has also said that he has made it that my sisters and I cannot force my stepmum to sell their approx £400,000 house in order to get our money so we have to wait for her either to sell or when she dies it has been written that his half will get split 5 ways (we would never force her to sell anyway, it is not in any of nature)

My stepmum always tell people she has 5 children not 2 and she loves us all equally but I don’t quite believe she will take that attitude when it comes to any inheritance I worry that she will keep it all and my sisters and I won’t get anything. If that happens my brother and sister would stand to inherit half a million each.

My mum on the other hand has stayed completely fair and her house has been left 50:50 between her husbands children and hers. I just don’t get my dad as he has always stated he would be fair and we would always get something from him so now I’m confused why it sounds like he isn’t leaving us anything. I don’t know if it is a change of heart as his parents won’t have anything to leave him but his wife’s family are all about leaving everything to their children.

For the record I don’t expect anything from my dad, and I want him to live a long and full life. I love my dad and my family, I just don’t get it.. he says it is written when she passes away it gets split 5 ways but she is nearly 20 years younger than my dad. I think the thing that confuses me the most is that before he met her and even when they first started dating he always swore he would split it between all his children fairly and now he isn’t.

I feel like I should speak to him but my stepmum would get instantly hurt like I was making her out to be an evil stepmum (which I’m totally not, I love her to bits) or he would tell me that I was only after his money (which again I’m not) I would get it if he said that his plans are going to change when my brother and sister are over 18 because then no one has “children” to raise. I just know my stepmum will have left any of her equity to my brother and sister so why can’t my dad.

AIBU for wanting to talk to him and tell him how unfair i find the whole thing.

[quote Worthless90s]@thecatsatonthewall- that is my issue what if she meets someone else and than changes the whole will to suit herself and my siblings..

As stated we would never force her to sell and my dad has a lot more equity than just the house so we never even thought about the house.

The one thing that got me was that he left his marriage to my mum with money and he said would be getting that split 3 ways as that was fair because it was equity gained when he was with my mum but that seems to have been cut out too[/quote]
But that only happens if he leaves the entire house to her on the understanding that her will then gives you a share of his half - not a great situation but you've said she sees you all as her children too.
If your dads will leaves his share to his 5 children then you all effectively own a tenth of the house but there is a provision that it can't be sold from under her.

It normally goes to the wife or husband next. She still needs a home after he is dead. My partner and I have written a joint will stating what happens if either of us dies, it goes to each other. If we both die it's split equally between our children( he has two I have one we share 1). The kids won't get it until we both die. That's normal I think. You're mom has put her husband at risk of losing his home!

You absolutely need to get over this. If you don’t it will cause a rift. It is up to him. He wants your stepmother to live in the marital home or a similar value house until she dies. There is nothing to be “confused” about. Even if you feel this is not consistent with what he said previously (and I’m
not sure about that) it is still is no reason to talk to him. He is entitled to change his mind. Please do not bring this up with him. Try never to think of it. Dwelling on it will bring you misery.

You will inhert but youre df has ringfence his assets to protect his wife and younger children to have a home whats so bad about that. You will still get a 5th of his half however that home is half hers so you shouldn't be entitled to her half. You are already going to inherit from youre own mother in the same way youre half siblings will inherit from both parents. You shouldn't get a equal share then also inherit from youre own mother that's unfair.

This is a really common way to arrange wills, and exactly how my will is arranged. DH, stepfather to my children has a life interest in the home - it's his home after all. When he passes it goes to the children. At least this way it is protected from care home fees or subsequent re marriage and disinheritance.

My mum doesn’t get anything from mum dad, they had a pretty solid break.. when she dies her half of her house is split 3 ways.

@Pipandmum- I am so sorry for your loss. As I said we don’t expect my stepmum to sell she has been in my life for years and I love my siblings. My dad has other equity apart from the house which is why it seems so unfair that my brother and sister stand to become half millionaires each if my stepmum and dad died but we don’t stand to inherit anything. My dad and stepmum have claimed all ornabments and belongings as theirs even ones that my dad owned when he was with my mum, we’ve been told we wouldn’t be able to even have any of those regardless of the money my sisters and I feel completely pushed out of having anything to remember my dad by so it’s not just about the money at all.

My siblings have already had a 100% more decent lifestyle than my sisters and I growing up (they’ve got ponies and dogs and acres and acres of land)

I just feel completely sidelined by my dad and I worry my stepmum will change the way she treats when he dies because then she won’t need be reminded that my dad had other children too. She might even stop us seeing our siblings because she is very close to her own side of her family and they all live on the same plot of land.

@Littlepaws18

It normally goes to the wife or husband next. She still needs a home after he is dead. My partner and I have written a joint will stating what happens if either of us dies, it goes to each other. If we both die it's split equally between our children( he has two I have one we share 1). The kids won't get it until we both die. That's normal I think. You're mom has put her husband at risk of losing his home!

You can write your will so that if you die whoever you want inherits your half of the house but that it can't be sold until your partner (who owns the other half) dies or is happy to sell. It's a little more complex but cuts out any worries about new partners or the living partner changing their will for whatever reason.

@Worthless90s My mum doesn’t get anything from mum dad, they had a pretty solid break.. when she dies her half of her house is split 3 ways.

Does she have a partner/husband? Would they be expected to move out of their home/sell when your mum dies?

www.which.co.uk/money/wills-and-probate/passing-on-your-money

www.coop.co.uk/estate-planning/legal-services

I think some posters have the emotional intelligence of a spoon.
Can you not stretch your imagination that her and her sisters being left out will hurt?
Jfc.

@Musicalmistress- so what you are saying is that my stepmum wouldn’t be able to cut us out of my dads half of the house if she was to meet someone else. The issue i have is that her family own the other house on the plot of the land and they want it to be a family plot for her family so my stepmum would never sell and she wants her kids to inherit the house and live in it like a heirloom.

Apparently the only other way we’d get any inheritance from my stepmum living in the house still would be if she sold it and bought somewhere cheaper and my dads half way would then be distributed out. The issue is she can use any amount of equity to buy somewhere else so she can in theory buy somewhere more expensive and then the equity from the house gets refreshed so it would be all in her name not any of it being my dads.

@Oswin

I think some posters have the emotional intelligence of a spoon. Can you not stretch your imagination that her and her sisters being left out will hurt? Jfc.

But it sounds as though she's not being left out, she's not getting what she thinks is 'fair'. Whilst we can appreciate that I think there's a lot more going on for the OP than just her feelings over her dads will.

Also the dad has left it all to the wife. It's not like where you leave half to the kids but the spouse can live in it.
Its the all too common situation where the dead person left everything to their spouse with the understanding they would then leave it to all the children.
Then once the person is dead the one who remains has a change of heart and cut out the stepchildren entirely.

I knew of a family where the mother died. The dad had quite a bit of money. He died with the promise from his wife she would leave it to his kids and hers. Once.the funeral was done she announced she would not be doing it.

@Oswin

I think some posters have the emotional intelligence of a spoon. Can you not stretch your imagination that her and her sisters being left out will hurt? Jfc.

Her posts are overwhelmingly about the actual monetary value of the inheritance though, and how the younger siblings might get substantially more, and they’ve already had a better quality of life than she had and how her step mother might change everything etc etc etc, with a few token “it’s not about the money/I don’t expect anything/I want something to remember him by” comments thrown in.

She’s counting the cash while the man is still alive and well.
It doesn’t take ‘emotional intelligence’ to see that.

Not unreasonable to leave a life interest in the house to his wife.
Your mothers will leaves 50% joint assets to her children, 50% to her partners. Sounds as if she has no children from new relationship.

Your fathers will splits things five ways - his children from current relationship, you and your sister. So you and your sister stand to inherit more than than your half brothers/sisters.
What are you complaining about exactly - that you can't chuck your step mother out of her home the same week she becomes a widow?

Grabby.

@Musicalmistress- my mum has a husband and they don’t have any kids together so her husband would need to find her half of the house or sell. They’ve both agreed to that as he has his own kids too.

I just don’t think my dad expects to change any of this when my siblings both turn 18.. when all of his children are over 18 what would be fair inheritance situation then? His two children with his family orientated wife becoming half millionaires each and all three of his cast off to the side children from his poorer family days being left out

unless you live in Scotland where you cannot write your children out of your will... there are specific rules about this and if the will does not adere to them you can challenge a will after death... but speak to a solicitor

it has been written that his half will get split 5 ways

The thing is, that he treats all children e equally by giving a share of the house.
The only money you are missing out on is the pension money should he die in service. This makes me think that they are a lot younger than you & full siblings and are dependent on financial support.
You are unreasonable!

Sounds normal to me.
my mum remarried he now lives in her house/ my family home, he sold his house which is in the savings.
when both have died the house gets split between his kids and me and my sister. most is going towards the grandkids.
if my mum dies first I guess he could sell the house and spend the money or even give to his kids but I guess you hope they wouldn't do something like that.

Expect to inherit nothing, you won't be disappointed then.

[quote Worthless90s]@Musicalmistress- so what you are saying is that my stepmum wouldn’t be able to cut us out of my dads half of the house if she was to meet someone else. The issue i have is that her family own the other house on the plot of the land and they want it to be a family plot for her family so my stepmum would never sell and she wants her kids to inherit the house and live in it like a heirloom.

Apparently the only other way we’d get any inheritance from my stepmum living in the house still would be if she sold it and bought somewhere cheaper and my dads half way would then be distributed out. The issue is she can use any amount of equity to buy somewhere else so she can in theory buy somewhere more expensive and then the equity from the house gets refreshed so it would be all in her name not any of it being my dads.[/quote]
It depends how your dads will is set out. In theory it should be that when he dies you all inherit his a share of his half of the house with the proviso that your stepmum can't be forced to sell. It should then be that on her death the house is sold or her children have the option to buy you out in order give you your share.
Your dads will should also be written in a such a way that if she meets a new partner your share of his half is protected or if she chooses to sell then she gives you your share before buying a new property.
Although she would be able to live in the property after your dads death she would still only own her share of the property so couldn't make unilateral decisions about selling or use your share to finance another property.
Does that make sense?

@Oswin

Also the dad has left it all to the wife. It's not like where you leave half to the kids but the spouse can live in it. Its the all too common situation where the dead person left everything to their spouse with the understanding they would then leave it to all the children. Then once the person is dead the one who remains has a change of heart and cut out the stepchildren entirely.

I knew of a family where the mother died. The dad had quite a bit of money. He died with the promise from his wife she would leave it to his kids and hers. Once.the funeral was done she announced she would not be doing it.

OP has said a few times that his children split his share of the house.

Even if he died intestate, his spouse would get his property, and more than £270 000 of the estate.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/who-can-inherit-if-there-is-no-will-the-rules-of-intestacy/

You're essentially saying that you're finding the correct legal line of inheritance unfair.

I don't think he has left everything to his wife. Sounds like he's leaving the house to all children but his wife has a life interest, so you won't access the money until she either dies or moves house. Given that it's her home this seems fair. You may have a long wait for the money but you're complaint doesn't seem to be about fairness at all, it's the fact you may have to wait longer to get your inheritance. Given that you say you have a good relationship with your SM, would you really want her to have to sell up and move out just as your dad has died?

@Oswin- that is exactly the way he’s done it. He has said that his wife’s will reflects his. The house is split 5 ways when she dies and the house is split her half to her two children (completely reasonable) and dads half 5 ways so their wills are mirrored.

What if in order to preserve her family plot of land where her parents live in the adjoining house, she just changes it and leaves us all with nothing.

I am upset that she has commandeered all of my dads personal items such as ornaments and things.. we won’t have anything to remember my dad by. He has sidelined and put his poorer old lifestyle with mum to the past. Buried and forgotten about, locked in a box. It is like he is embarrassed about the lifestyle he had before he got remarried and now is wanting to have two children who are insanely rich and never have to worry about anything in life.. but what about his former family.

He had the same job when he was with my mum so it hurts that we could have had this life but because my mum had an affair and it is like my dad is punishing us all from his former life for my mum ruining his picture perfect family. He has that now and the rest of us don’t matter.