Inheritance worry

[Worthless90s]

Evening all, I am just wondering if I am being unreasonable or not. I am finding it increasingly unfair how my dad has sorted his will. He is remarried to a younger woman and they have 2 children together. I love my stepmom and my brother and sister dearly, I just really don’t like that my dad appears to have left everything to her.

He has said that his children get his pension if he dies whilst in service, this will be split 5 ways, if he isn’t working we don’t get anything it goes to his wife. He has also said that he has made it that my sisters and I cannot force my stepmum to sell their approx £400,000 house in order to get our money so we have to wait for her either to sell or when she dies it has been written that his half will get split 5 ways (we would never force her to sell anyway, it is not in any of nature)

My stepmum always tell people she has 5 children not 2 and she loves us all equally but I don’t quite believe she will take that attitude when it comes to any inheritance I worry that she will keep it all and my sisters and I won’t get anything. If that happens my brother and sister would stand to inherit half a million each.

My mum on the other hand has stayed completely fair and her house has been left 50:50 between her husbands children and hers. I just don’t get my dad as he has always stated he would be fair and we would always get something from him so now I’m confused why it sounds like he isn’t leaving us anything. I don’t know if it is a change of heart as his parents won’t have anything to leave him but his wife’s family are all about leaving everything to their children.

For the record I don’t expect anything from my dad, and I want him to live a long and full life. I love my dad and my family, I just don’t get it.. he says it is written when she passes away it gets split 5 ways but she is nearly 20 years younger than my dad. I think the thing that confuses me the most is that before he met her and even when they first started dating he always swore he would split it between all his children fairly and now he isn’t.

I feel like I should speak to him but my stepmum would get instantly hurt like I was making her out to be an evil stepmum (which I’m totally not, I love her to bits) or he would tell me that I was only after his money (which again I’m not) I would get it if he said that his plans are going to change when my brother and sister are over 18 because then no one has “children” to raise. I just know my stepmum will have left any of her equity to my brother and sister so why can’t my dad.

AIBU for wanting to talk to him and tell him how unfair i find the whole thing.

[quote Worthless90s]@Newkitchen123- no I wouldn’t but i also know that there would be no way we’d be cut out and not receive anything at all.. also my mum is more of my dads age rather than my stepmum who is only a few years older than me...[/quote]
You have not been cut out
You get a portion when she dies
Only your dad can change this.
Why on earth are you even discussing this? Is he ill?
When my dad wrote his will he just told us where it was. That was years ago. He died this year. We dealt with it then. We didn't discuss it years before. We discussed it when he was terminally ill. It was painful. The pain of being the only one allowed in to be with him when he died was far bigger than anything he chose to leave in his will.

OP we had a sudden and very unfair will change in my family. It was very much triggered by the ‘carer’ who lived with the elderly relative. Over the course of several years, the carer instigated many conversations about how the rest of the family didn’t need money / only cared about money (neither at all true). Told a lot of lies. We could see what was happening but it was impossible to address it without playing into the carer’s hands by appearing only interested in money. So we left it as we didn’t want to upset the fragile and very elderly person.

Eventually the carer inherited everything (with the death occurring only a few months after the will change.) The saddest bit was that, to ensure that the will stayed in their favour, the carer did a very thorough job of damaging as many family relationships as possible.

I am not sure what the moral from our tale is, but I suggest you take from it that:

• your Dad’s attitude may be influenced by others, perhaps stepmum perhaps not.
• don’t let this damage family relationships, that is just playing along with a story that only ends with you excluded.
• staying quiet doesn’t help either.

🤷‍♀️ Good luck OP I know how upsetting this can be, it seems to be a very common tale. xxx

How can she look after you when you're little when she's a couple years older than you that makes no sense. You're not their financial responsibility you're adult act like one. Hsving a relationship with a parent is different to wanting money and I suspect you're stepmother and father know you're feelings about what you think is due to you. Of course her young children are her priority why wouldn't they be?

You are in your late 20's and your stepmother is in her 30's and you are worried about inheritance?

Please get help. Life's too short, OP.

@Cocomarine- I knew her before she was even dating my dad and she helped me through some hard times when I was younger but now she seems to be pulling away from seeing us all equally especially since for the first time since they married my dad has finally put a will in place. I can’t put my finger on it and I guess that whys I posted asking.

I assumed that if my dad were to pass away I’d still have a family on my dads side of the family because I’d have my stepmum and my siblings but now they keep mentioning their family of 4 and what they want to do with their life. My grandparents are only young too but they have illnesses and when they’ve gone and my dads gone I won’t have anyone on that side, my surnames sake and my dad doesn’t even seem to care. I have no cousins or anything on that side and all I’d have is my stepmum and I feel she would forgot all about us once my dad has gone because we wouldn’t be her burden anymore

She was always telling people when we were young, cute children of under 18 that she loves us all equally and she has 5 children.. now since we are all over 18 every year it seems to be more her snd her children versus us kind of thing
Perhaps she just realised as you got older that you aren't as nice as she thought? No way she wouldn't feel those grabby vibes.

@Amira19- yes she did, she was late teens I was early teens and she would look after us on the couple of days we were to see our dad.

You have children of youre own and a dh i think youre expectations are not in line with reality here. They have young children you have young children life can get bogged down when children are young. You didn't come here about youre lack of relationship with youre df you stated you had a good relationship with you're sm. It was all about the inheritance even down to the title of the thread. Once you weren't getting the answers you wanted youre altered the narrative.

[quote Worthless90s]@Newkitchen123- no I wouldn’t but i also know that there would be no way we’d be cut out and not receive anything at all.. also my mum is more of my dads age rather than my stepmum who is only a few years older than me...[/quote]
If you are that close in age it’s possible you’ll go before her and all this stressing over things you have no say in will be an even bigger waste of time than it is now.

Inheritances aren’t ever really fair, when you think about it.
Maybe your dad thinks it’s important your half siblings get more, because they are only in line to inherit from one household, whereas you will potentially inherit from two?

Youre df is still young this is all in poor taste it really is.

[quote Worthless90s]@Amira19- yes she did, she was late teens I was early teens and she would look after us on the couple of days we were to see our dad.[/quote]
OMG, your dad fucked his 20+ year younger babysitter then?
Grim. If that’s the case, you’re right not to expect much morality from him 😕

Look at it this way - when my Dad died he left his estate to his wife. When his wife dies, it will be up to her who she leaves it to.

His wife is my Mum, but she is a complete narcissist and my siblings and I completely expect her to leave one of us out as she enjoys hurting people.

We have a verbal agreement that we will just split the estate equally no matter what my Mum states in her will. Knowing her, she will head us off at the pass and leave every penny to a donkey sanctuary (she hates animals) but I don't think any of us care any more

What if in order to preserve her family plot of land where her parents live in the adjoining house, she just changes it and leaves us all with nothing

That cannot happen because your Dad IS leaving you a fair share of his half of the house. It sounds as if he is leaving his share to his 5 kids, including you, but that his wife has a life tenancy in it. So, half the house belongs to you, but she is allowed to live in it.

It honestly sounds as if you are getting worked up over nothing.

@CJsGoldfish- well maybe we got our backs up because they gave their children the lifestyle we only dreamed off. Happy married life, never arguing, lots of disposable income, yearly trips abroad, one parent always at home in an evening rather then being left with the neighbours and grandparents and childminders etc and then when you are early teens you are told oh don’t worry when your father dies I’ll make sure you each have a little deposit for somewhere nice whilst she is lording it up in a big big house now.

You barely see your dad before he is married again and recreating his perfect family picture elsewhere. He stopped taking care of you even when you needed him and you became bottom of the pecking order. He is working himself to death for part of his family not all of it.

If my dad dies at a young age from over working himself it will be to fund that new family and I won’t have my dad anymore. I don’t anyway because he’s not the same man he used to be

And in a nutshell it hurts and it stinks and I want and need my dad back, not this money orientated schmuck who wants to forget about his old family

half millionaires 😂 is not a thing.

Are you in your teens op? You sound very callous and grabby.

[quote Worthless90s]@Amira19- yes she did, she was late teens I was early teens and she would look after us on the couple of days we were to see our dad.[/quote]
Ok, first of all, ew.

Secondly, if she and your dad want to sell the house and move across the country or whatever, they're entitled to do that.

You're calling him money orientated?!?!

@Cocomarine- she is a family friend, my mum ended the marriage not my dad and not because he was unfaithful. He started dating her a couple of years after my parents separated. She was early twenties by the time they started dating. They got married when she was middle 20’s and had my siblings a couple of years after that.

She is late 30’s now and my dad is late 50’s.

Again you're thread title says it all youre an adult youre bitter because he had you're siblings and got married and has a nice house. It was you're dm who had an affair. Why aren't you angry with her? You didn't like the fact he moved on and had a second family. I think you need counselling because this isn't Healthy from a married woman with dc.

When my DF died mine & my full sibling’s childhood home was left to my stepmum. She is 20+ yrs younger than my dad. When she dies it will go to her and DF 4 children (our younger half siblings). My full sibling and I will get nothing and don’t expect anything. It was his choice

Please seek therapy. You're clearly very upset and angry about your parents split still. Talk it over with someone.

you seen quite money obsessed and not really bothered about either of your parents just what your gonna get..

You should just appreciate having two parents and forget about what money your entitled too, if you get anything then its a bonus but you shouldnt be sat pondering how to spend your dead parents money whilst they are alive and kicking..

@steff13- what’s eww about it? He was dating her, she was in her early teens when we originally met her and her family. She went on to date my dad in her twenties, he was in his late 30’s and she looked after us all school when he had us on his set days...

Her dad is a builder and he did some work on our house and they bumped into each other after my parents split and started dating. There is only 16 years between them.

I don’t see anything eww about them as a couple I just think my dad has forgotten about his less self indulgent life and I think he wants to write his history as a lot more wealthy and from a better background than what he is from. He wants the children to inherit this huge Manor House and for them to never have a mortgage etc. But he doesn’t want that for all 5 of his children. He wants it for just the two youngest ones.

[quote Worthless90s]@Amira19- yes she did, she was late teens I was early teens and she would look after us on the couple of days we were to see our dad.[/quote]
Your dad sounds grim. What a cliche...

Honestly, you need to stop posting about how much you love them all, and talk to a therapist. He sounds like a shit dad - not just now, but always. Who is this good dad you want back? Doesn’t sound like he’s ever been around.

When your stepmother promised to include you in his inheritance, you were early teens. Which means she was late teens. Almost a child herself (I’ll say it again: your dad is grim, chasing the teenage babysitter in his 30s!). How can you hold her to something she said as a teen, before she even had her own children? She’s not an adult going back on her word, but almost a child who didn’t think things through when she was trying to be Perfect Stepmother.

I think you’re right to feel bitter about him... seriously, talk to a professional.