Inheritance worry

[Worthless90s]

Evening all, I am just wondering if I am being unreasonable or not. I am finding it increasingly unfair how my dad has sorted his will. He is remarried to a younger woman and they have 2 children together. I love my stepmom and my brother and sister dearly, I just really don’t like that my dad appears to have left everything to her.

He has said that his children get his pension if he dies whilst in service, this will be split 5 ways, if he isn’t working we don’t get anything it goes to his wife. He has also said that he has made it that my sisters and I cannot force my stepmum to sell their approx £400,000 house in order to get our money so we have to wait for her either to sell or when she dies it has been written that his half will get split 5 ways (we would never force her to sell anyway, it is not in any of nature)

My stepmum always tell people she has 5 children not 2 and she loves us all equally but I don’t quite believe she will take that attitude when it comes to any inheritance I worry that she will keep it all and my sisters and I won’t get anything. If that happens my brother and sister would stand to inherit half a million each.

My mum on the other hand has stayed completely fair and her house has been left 50:50 between her husbands children and hers. I just don’t get my dad as he has always stated he would be fair and we would always get something from him so now I’m confused why it sounds like he isn’t leaving us anything. I don’t know if it is a change of heart as his parents won’t have anything to leave him but his wife’s family are all about leaving everything to their children.

For the record I don’t expect anything from my dad, and I want him to live a long and full life. I love my dad and my family, I just don’t get it.. he says it is written when she passes away it gets split 5 ways but she is nearly 20 years younger than my dad. I think the thing that confuses me the most is that before he met her and even when they first started dating he always swore he would split it between all his children fairly and now he isn’t.

I feel like I should speak to him but my stepmum would get instantly hurt like I was making her out to be an evil stepmum (which I’m totally not, I love her to bits) or he would tell me that I was only after his money (which again I’m not) I would get it if he said that his plans are going to change when my brother and sister are over 18 because then no one has “children” to raise. I just know my stepmum will have left any of her equity to my brother and sister so why can’t my dad.

AIBU for wanting to talk to him and tell him how unfair i find the whole thing.

@bluebell34567- that’s the crux of it, that I feel it isn’t equal at all & my siblings are going to be rich and I mean life changing rich and my siblings and I are going to be classed as their bottom feeding poor siblings.

There would not be any mortgage or anything would it really change the condition of lifestyle so much if they took out a mortgage for my dads half.

My DH and I have split everything 50:50 between the children and partner so I will get 50% of husbands equity and our children will receive the other 50% likewise he will receive the same. Our life insurance policies pay off everything from debt to mortgage.

The way he has done it sounds v reasonable. Your stepmum keeps the house and when she dies her half goes to her two children and your dad’s half goes to his five children.

It sounds like he has drawn up a will where your stepmum rightly gets to stay in the house until her death. If he has I think she either can’t sell it or if she does she has to give you and your two siblings your share of his half. However, I am not a lawyer so I might be wrong with those details.

It’s fair his death in service goes to his wife and young children. Finally, it’s normal any other savings goes to his wife. Eg when my dad died all money went to my mum.

OP, the more you write the more grabby, bitter and envious you sound. Get your own life goals.

@Newkitchen123- no I wouldn’t but i also know that there would be no way we’d be cut out and not receive anything at all.. also my mum is more of my dads age rather than my stepmum who is only a few years older than me...

So you expect her to remortage her home to pay her adult married step children their inheritance, but youre not happy with youre df cut you want her 50 percent of the house aswell divided between you and youre siblings. I've never heard anything like it. Youre married woman with dc of youre own, support yourselves!!!

From what you've said, your Dad has done exactly what you wanted - he has ensured that his half of the house will be split between his 5 children. It sounds like this will be held in trust until your stepmother dies, or decides to sell the house, at which point you and your siblings will each receive 10% of the value of the house at sale.

The only difference between this and your Mum's will is that she hasn't provided for her husband to stay living there after her death, so he would have to find somewhere else to live, at half the price of the house they've lived in together. TBH I think it is your stepfather who has most to complain about, inheritance wise!

We can only go on what you are saying, but if your Dad has put his half in trust, then your stepmother will not be able to change it and leave the whole house to her 2 children (or her 2nd husband / cat's home / her parents etc). She will be able to do what she likes with her half, and with any other items left to her directly, which may well include the house contents and other assets.

If there are specific items that have happy memories for you, there are nice ways to politely ask if you might be able to have them passed on when the time comes. But tread lightly, as it sounds like all your parents are relatively young and are unlikely to want to think so far ahead.

My DH and I have split everything 50:50 between the children and partner so I will get 50% of husbands equity and our children will receive the other 50% likewise he will receive the same. Our life insurance policies pay off everything from debt to mortgage.

As I said above, it’s also common for a husband to leave all to his wife who then passes on any estate to the children should there be any left when she dies. Perhaps as you have set up your will leaving half of the estate to the children when one parents dies and said it is what your parents did when they were you feel your dad hasn’t shared it equitably. However, I think many do it as my parents did leaving their half to their spouse. Your dad had ensured you get something if there is any estate left after your stepmum dies by giving you a share of the house when she dies.

Are you're half siblings going to inhert from youre dm? No thats unreasonable That's basically what youre wanting youre stepmother mother to do.

Youre df has done this in the fairness way but its just not good enough for you.

@Tistheseason17- That is your opinion. My problem is being forgotten by my dad in every way shape or form. Being made out to be his past family who don’t need him anymore or need to be remembered by him anymore.. it’s like my stepmum said to my sisters and I that she will plan dads funeral and we would be able to sit a few rows behind if we wanted, she even said that if he were to be cremated that she would be making her children items of keepsakes from his ashes but not us.

I just know that everything my grandparents and my dad have worked for will go to my stepmum.. she is very close to her own side of her family so I can only guess she will go back into the closeness of their life and I won’t ever see my siblings again or anything ever again.

OP - the comments about ashes and seating at a funeral are very different to money.
Does your Dad know about this? Perhaps, these should be your focus and not the tangible items/cash.

It sounds to me as if this is about your relationship with your dad and that you're not really over your parents' divorce, however much you love your stepmum and siblings . If I were in your position I would concentrate on building a better relationship with my dad. I would also stop obsessing about inheritance issues because honestly they will eat you up. You can't possibly know what might happen (in potentially 50-odd years time) when your stepmum dies. Good luck.

@Amira19- I don’t want anything from her 50% if the house is £400000 then the 50% of dads be split half 5 ways.

How grabby. Like fuck you don't wan't anything. "waaaaah, why should they get to be 'half millionaires'?

Sounds like your father has a comfortable life BECAUSE of his wife as well as the money her family gave. Without her maybe your father would still be living the life you had with him. Yet you feel entitled to line your pockets? Your obsession with their personal finances is really off.

I think you should have the conversation with your father. Tell him you don't want his wife to get everything because "it's not fair" Let them know you want an equal share of the money and ask them to arrange it. Let us know how you go.

it’s like my stepmum said to my sisters and I that she will plan dads funeral and we would be able to sit a few rows behind if we wanted, she even said that if he were to be cremated that she would be making her children items of keepsakes from his ashes but not us.

I'm sorry but I simply refuse to believe this.

God the poor man, sounds like people are constantly discussing his death.

First you say you're stepmother lovely and treats you like family then you say she pushes you out which is it? I suspect you're changing the narrative to suit because people think yabu and grabby.

You talk as if inheritance is imminent, yet he is only in his 50's.

Move on with your own life. Put all thoughts of inheritance behind you.

My stepmum always tell people she has 5 children not 2 and she loves us all equally
And you say you love her and your siblings dearly.

Something does not add up here.

Your last post to me was the complete opposite and indicated she does not see you as equal to their children together.

Your first post and the above are at odds?
What is the truth?

@Amira19 you beat me to it!! 😂

Why do you love your stepmother “dearly” if she openly tells you that she would turn your dad’s ashes into keepsakes for her kids with him, but not you?

I wouldn’t love anyone that spoke like that to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Amira19- I’m not stupid I don’t expect my siblings to expect from my mum and I don’t expect to inherit from my step mums half. I just don’t want to be written out completely which could happen if my stepmum decides to change it because my dad will not have written the will to reflect that my stepmum could possibly do something that would ensure we don’t get anything from the will.

Step children get screwed in one way or another most of the time. My dad would get me a token Christmas present as 'I would be getting so much from the other side of the family'.

I have three parents to inherit from who all assume I'm getting so much from the others that they don't need to leave me anything so I'm screwed whichever way it goes.

I'm just forgetting about it to be honest.

But there's nothing to suggest that. Youre salty because she's closer to youre age and she could out live you and leaving you the opportunity to not get youre df cut of money. You say so further up the thread. Youre stepmother has young dc to care for and youre df has a financial responsibility to those children until atleast the age of 18 of course they should have financial security and not be expected to remortage to give greedy married step children their cut.

@amira19- I have known my stepmum since I was little. She is lovely as a wife to my dad and when I was a teenager and hurting she helped me a lot.. She was always telling people when we were young, cute children of under 18 that she loves us all equally and she has 5 children.. now since we are all over 18 every year it seems to be more her snd her children versus us kind of thing.

She is becoming more protective over my dads items and more possessive over what she classes as their life together. She sometimes mentions them selling up and moving to another country but only when it suits her despite us missing our dad and still needing him and wanting him. She keeps commenting that she can’t wait to build a life with just him because she’s never had that since he already had us when they met. She always knew he had kids though

This is in such bad taste you're df is 50. My own df has terminal cancer hes 68 almost 69 me and my siblings wouldn't expect our mother to remortage her house to give us our cut. Inheritance hasn't even crossed my mind. I think its digusting you think like this. Its up to you how you proceed and become successful in life not relying on Inheritances.