Inheritance worry

[Worthless90s]

Evening all, I am just wondering if I am being unreasonable or not. I am finding it increasingly unfair how my dad has sorted his will. He is remarried to a younger woman and they have 2 children together. I love my stepmom and my brother and sister dearly, I just really don’t like that my dad appears to have left everything to her.

He has said that his children get his pension if he dies whilst in service, this will be split 5 ways, if he isn’t working we don’t get anything it goes to his wife. He has also said that he has made it that my sisters and I cannot force my stepmum to sell their approx £400,000 house in order to get our money so we have to wait for her either to sell or when she dies it has been written that his half will get split 5 ways (we would never force her to sell anyway, it is not in any of nature)

My stepmum always tell people she has 5 children not 2 and she loves us all equally but I don’t quite believe she will take that attitude when it comes to any inheritance I worry that she will keep it all and my sisters and I won’t get anything. If that happens my brother and sister would stand to inherit half a million each.

My mum on the other hand has stayed completely fair and her house has been left 50:50 between her husbands children and hers. I just don’t get my dad as he has always stated he would be fair and we would always get something from him so now I’m confused why it sounds like he isn’t leaving us anything. I don’t know if it is a change of heart as his parents won’t have anything to leave him but his wife’s family are all about leaving everything to their children.

For the record I don’t expect anything from my dad, and I want him to live a long and full life. I love my dad and my family, I just don’t get it.. he says it is written when she passes away it gets split 5 ways but she is nearly 20 years younger than my dad. I think the thing that confuses me the most is that before he met her and even when they first started dating he always swore he would split it between all his children fairly and now he isn’t.

I feel like I should speak to him but my stepmum would get instantly hurt like I was making her out to be an evil stepmum (which I’m totally not, I love her to bits) or he would tell me that I was only after his money (which again I’m not) I would get it if he said that his plans are going to change when my brother and sister are over 18 because then no one has “children” to raise. I just know my stepmum will have left any of her equity to my brother and sister so why can’t my dad.

AIBU for wanting to talk to him and tell him how unfair i find the whole thing.

[quote Worthless90s]@GarlicSoup- my dad is in his 50’s and my stepmum is in her 30’s[/quote]
With all due respect I think to be ‘worried’ about this is absolutely ridiculous. Your Dad could live another 40 + years and your step mum much longer. You need to stop ruminating on this and concentrate on your own affairs. Who knows how long anyone will live? Who would have imagined that at the age of 97, the Queen Mother would be attending the funeral of Princess Diana age 36?

Maybe cultivate other friendships and relationships? You can’t control whether people keep in contact as they get older - relationships evolve and change. Treasure moments not mementoes. Have great friends, have a good relationship with all your siblings in their own right (if they want it, if not then don’t lose sleep over it).

It’s no one’s fault your younger siblings are luckier. Part of the reason is the support your step mum gave which contributed to the unit and enabled your dad to work more. However it was probably positive for your mum that she worked as it could have helped her financial stability after the break up. Having some therapy may help you. All the best OP

When my mother died she shared her estate between my siblings and left me a small amount which I did not want and gave it to my daughter.

The important things - my grandmother's jewellery, the precious keepsakes were shared out between my sister and my brother's wife. I was very upset about this as I considered that was my inheritance. I should have been given something of hers and I was denied that. I was close to my grandmother and being ten years older than my sister I had a relationship with her that my sister did not have as she was only three when Grandma died. I had a better relationship with her than I did with my mother who was cold and unkind to me.

I have been thoughtful when making my will out so none of my children will feel the same as I do. My sister in law now has pieces of my grandmother's jewellery which mean nothing to her at all.

Basically it looks like we set to inherit anything at all by asking our own half siblings for hand outs when their mother dies because they inherit the whole massive manor... Why would you ask them for handouts? You're a grown up, considerably older than them. Why can't you support yourself?

I live with my partner. We both have children. We made our wills out together so that if I die first he can live on in the (my) house until he is ready to move on and only then will the house be sold and my children inherit the proceeds.

Similarly he has made provision for his children and I have no part of that.

This is what solicitors are for, to advise you how to make provision in a fair and decent manner.

OP Has his wife made a will out also ? If this bothers you, I think you should ask.

you are right op. your life may change if your df dies. but he is young still.
as pp said build up more friendships and relations with relatives, etc.

@mumwon

I am sorry you feel hurt but at least he has told you & why I don't think anybody should count on parents money/house They earned it -they have the right to decide Are you saying she has the house for life? If the will is done properly she won't be able to sell it or give it over to her dc or possible future husband

This exactly. You keep talking about your stepmother not following his wishes after he dies. She can’t just change the arrangement. Your and your siblings names will go on the title deed so that when the property is eventually sold you will get the share your father left you.

This is a very common way to leave property so that the remaining spouse doesn’t have to move out of their home when their partner dies.

Blimey OP after all your whingeing I would want to cut you out of the will and never speak to you again!

Have you honestly had a conversation about the funeral seating plan with your stepmum? That is bonkers. He is only in his 50's?

It sounds like stepmum works hard enabling his career to be extremely successful. You sound extremely jealous of your step siblings.

Nothing you have posted indicates you are being cut out.

Perhaps you should show this thread to your dad and stepmum, see what they make of it. I imagine they might be quite shocked at how you perceive them.

@CJsGoldfish- well maybe we got our backs up because they gave their children the lifestyle we only dreamed off. Happy married life, never arguing, lots of disposable income, yearly trips abroad, one parent always at home in an evening rather then being left with the neighbours and grandparents and childminders etc and then when you are early teens you are told oh don’t worry when your father dies I’ll make sure you each have a little deposit for somewhere nice whilst she is lording it up in a big big house now

You barely see your dad before he is married again and recreating his perfect family picture elsewhere. He stopped taking care of you even when you needed him and you became bottom of the pecking order. He is working himself to death for part of his family not all of it

If my dad dies at a young age from over working himself it will be to fund that new family and I won’t have my dad anymore. I don’t anyway because he’s not the same man he used to be

And in a nutshell it hurts and it stinks and I want and need my dad back, not this money orientated schmuck who wants to forget about his old family

And wooosh! Your carefully constructed assurance of all the feels you have for his wife and family collapse under the weight of your true feelings. You continue to completely contradict everything you wrote earlier to paint yourself in a clearly different light than the reality.

Your dad remarried someone who was able to provide something you didn't have when your parents were together. The money and lifestyle seems to have improve with the new wife and you've already said her parents gave them land. So, clearly, he married well. And you're angry and jealous about it. Why are you not angry at your mother for not marrying well enough to give you the life you feel entitled to?
Your total obsession with their financials is only hurting you and probably anyone close to you. Having read your true feelings creeping out with each subsequent post, I imagine they know exactly how you feel and the payout you feel entitled to. 🤷

A friend of mine had a childhood where her father was unfaithful to his mother for years, and the affair carried on even when her mum became terminally ill.

After she died, he married the other woman within six months. He pretended they had met after his wife died but they all knew she was the other woman.

Years later when the father got cancer my friend was a good daughter and helped to nurse her father at home. He was incontinent and could not walk. His wife could not deal with it and so my friend and her siblings did everything for their dad. It was only when he became doubly incontinent and in need of 24 hour care that he was moved to a hospice where he died a week later

Apart from a small trust fund for his grandchildren, he left everything to the wife who had no children of her own. The house was worth around a million pounds and she also received all his money.

My friend and her brother and sister got nothing. The wife has a nephew who will stand to inherit everything.

My friend said half of the house belonged to her mum and she felt bitter about her father's will mainly for the appalling way he treated her mum.

When they buried him, she dropped a letter into the grave signed by all of them saying how they felt.

It's really not normal to be discussing the funeral seating arrangements of a healthy 50 year old, and what will be done with the ashes. My FIL is 91 and we haven't had those conversations! He will likely live another 30 years. Your relationship with your half siblings will be as adults, independent of their mother. Really anything could happen - they could divorce, she may predecease him. You really need to stop obsessing over this.

[quote Worthless90s]@thecatsatonthewall- that is my issue what if she meets someone else and than changes the whole will to suit herself and my siblings..

As stated we would never force her to sell and my dad has a lot more equity than just the house so we never even thought about the house.

The one thing that got me was that he left his marriage to my mum with money and he said would be getting that split 3 ways as that was fair because it was equity gained when he was with my mum but that seems to have been cut out too[/quote]
I don't think you understand how a life interest in a property works. If she gets to stay in the property while she's alive then when she dies your share goes to you. She can't change it. That's the point and why it's often used in these scenarios.

It also doesn't change if she moves or sells the house, you are still entitled to your "share".

www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/pensions/article-5966805/What-life-trust-family-home-trustees-duties.html

Your siblings sound very young so it sounds like a good 15 years before any of this is a problem. And your SM us young so likely its a long way before you even need to know about the house. So looking at it, you will be at least in your 40s before this is a problem.. So please grow up and look out for your own future.
Are you really going to be a 40-50 year old woman fighting for a home that you didn't even grow up in???

The one who you should be angry with is your mother who cheated and broke up your family. She is the root of the problem here.

I can't believe the way you're thinking in your twenties about your father who's in his 50's, (I'm also in my 50's and hope to live another 30 years at least)
You have a loving partner and children from what you say, fortunate enough to have both parents and extended family, mine went down to zero... I mean zero when I was 41. No partner, only my child, my father passed when I was a year old, my mother when she was 69, both from cancer.
Your sitting whinging over a possible £100k at this age... I would absolutely do anything in the world to have 5 minutes with both my parents just to tell them how much I love them, miss them and think about them everyday and talk to them. Let me tell you, what ever financial gain you do or don't get is nothing in comparison. Stop obsessing about something completely out of your control and frankly is none of your business..
I have a teen who's acting up.. and the horrors she has put me through in the past two years, whether it's her teen hormones or today's woke I want it all now mentality. All I can say is I'm seeing her true colours and as my only family, I have no one else to leave my home or assets to. She would definitely inherit 7 figures.. but right now I don't plan on leaving her a penny. And need to figure out where it goes and most likely church, and food banks and women's shelters.
You can continue to obsess or enjoy the precious moments you have with your father, take pictures make your own mementoes for your children's day grandchild and focus on building your own life..
you're in your twenties for heavens sake, I thought I could rule the world at that age and didn't limit myself and NEVER expected a penny from my mother who was only 29 when my dad passed away only a few years older than she was.
Sorry I can hear your hurt, but I think it's misguided and only another few decades of experience and wisdom will allow you to look back and reflect how daft you were being and if not, all it means you've just spent the next few decades of your life stewing over some fantasy future and that sadly is such a waste of your life.
I pray you get some counselling to manage your demons about your parents break up, about the clear jealousy you have for the life your half siblings have that you feel should have been your right and you were entitled to the same.

Parents are also human, we all make mistakes, something you will definitely do as your own children age and they will resent or are angry at your for whatever imagined slight they will home in on against you, it's a nasty circle of parental life.
Your mother had an affair, I know so many women and men who have cheated, (no I never have) but they get past it and move on. Whatever your mother was going through at the time it was her life. I doubt she was purposely trying to ruin your life of a manor and ponies to experience. Believe you me, even when you do this for your kids, give them this life, they become more entitled and will always find something to point the finger at you for "letting them and their world down" it's inevitable.
If your were a teenager I would have some sympathy for your thinking, but as a grown married woman with her own family. I'm afraid you will have to manage this yourself.

All I can suggest is find something else your can focus on and forget about your 50 Simer years old dad's possessions. Or speak to him and tell him your not happy and if he would consider something else, know this though it could break your relationship with him and he will see you for the materialistic person that you will show him and he could/would cut you out completely.

He's only in his 50's for heaven's sake.. I truly can't believe your thinking. Even my late teen doesn't expect anything from me as she knows what she has done is beyond heinous where she's made no attempt to take accountability.
Your situation.. what about your siblings, do they think like you, are they saying the same or is it just you obsessing.. genuine question?.

I think it's bizarre that your mother btw is leaving things equally to her step children. Why no mention of that, why on wart would she leave her assets to her second husband's grown up children a man she had no children with. maybe you should go back and ask her if she's being fair. I'm happy to be brought to take on this.
But one thing I had always made clear from the start in any relationship, was what I have before I marry anyone else will/ would have all gone to my child not some new c lodger who shows up in my life expecting the life of Riley of my sweat and tears... no one is moving in and if we were to set up home in a separate home bought equally. They dont hang around long lol...
seems everyone is out for any easy ride and hard work and ambition to achieve anything on your own is out the window, Putin has dibs on that one.

Seriously speak to your mother tell her what's she's done isn't right, won't you step siblings on your mums side inherit from their mother? Will she be leaving something to you and your siblings and if not why is your mother doing this for her children. That's what bizarre to me..

If you are still here OP I would go back and read @CJsGoldfish post again, and then again for good measure.

People are losing their jobs, being made redundant, losongntheir livelihoods they've worked all their lives for and you have the brass fucking neck to come on here and berate your (FYI pretty young) dad and his wife for making a very reasonable and not uncommon decision. You sound very very bitter. Get a grip.

OP, your dad is only in his 50s. He could live for 40 years easily. I think you should have a chat to a counsellor and then stop worrying about inheritances - you could be in your 60s before this ever becomes an issue and you have a lot of life to live and good times to experience before then.

Are you in Scotland or England? Makes a difference.

In Scotland he has to leave 1/3 of his moveable estate to the kids. Kids can't be completely disinherited as the can in Scotland,

www.harpermacleod.co.uk/hm-insights/2019/june/even-witches-cant-avoid-legal-rights-wills-and-why-you-cant-disinherit-a-child-in-scotland/

Oh christ @stampsurprise don't tell her that, if she's not in Scotland she'll be demanding they now all move there.

@YoungScrappyHungry

Oh christ *@stampsurprise* don't tell her that, if she's not in Scotland she'll be demanding they now all move there.

😂😂😂

A true spoiled brat.. Your step mum according to you made an effort to be helpful to you, never did anything wrong.. Your dad is only in his 50th and you are obsessed with the inheritance which you perceived as rightfully yours. You are in your 20s, hardly a little girl. Ffs, go and earn all the money you want yourself

You claim to love your stepmother ‘dearly’ and say she’s ‘like a second mum’ to you yet you clearly despise her, resent her, are jealous of her and don’t trust her. You don’t seem to like your younger siblings much either, despite your claims to the contrary, and also you resent them and are jealous of them. And as for your poor father, you are circling like a vulture when the man most likely has decades to live. It’s actually disgusting and you sound thoroughly unpleasant.

Live your life, support yourself, and stop this insane bitterness and grabbiness.

I'm 51 not dead yet.

No decent solicitor would draft a will leaving a property to children on the first death - the priority is obviously that the surviving spouse needs somewhere to live 🙄. Frankly a will like that could be challenged by the spouse for not making reasonable provision for surviving spouse and that challenge would almost certainly suceed.

Life interest trust will so spouse right to live there with deceased share to kids on second death is eminently fair and the standard thing to do in blended families so don’t know what op is whining on about.

I expect they know exactly how you feel and what you’re really interested in. You can’t maintain a consistent narrative on here, with the time it takes to write things down. In person I’ve no doubt it’s clear as day that you’re mentally measuring up your dad’s coffin and wishing your step mum ends of homeless.

Asking your much younger siblings for handouts?! Jesus. Have some self respect.

Carry on like this and long before your dad eventually dies the invitations to family Christmases and other gatherings will dry up. Who wants to share celebrations with someone so bitter and resentful. It was seeping out but now it’s gushing with every post and it’s really ugly to see.