Inheritance worry

[Worthless90s]

Evening all, I am just wondering if I am being unreasonable or not. I am finding it increasingly unfair how my dad has sorted his will. He is remarried to a younger woman and they have 2 children together. I love my stepmom and my brother and sister dearly, I just really don’t like that my dad appears to have left everything to her.

He has said that his children get his pension if he dies whilst in service, this will be split 5 ways, if he isn’t working we don’t get anything it goes to his wife. He has also said that he has made it that my sisters and I cannot force my stepmum to sell their approx £400,000 house in order to get our money so we have to wait for her either to sell or when she dies it has been written that his half will get split 5 ways (we would never force her to sell anyway, it is not in any of nature)

My stepmum always tell people she has 5 children not 2 and she loves us all equally but I don’t quite believe she will take that attitude when it comes to any inheritance I worry that she will keep it all and my sisters and I won’t get anything. If that happens my brother and sister would stand to inherit half a million each.

My mum on the other hand has stayed completely fair and her house has been left 50:50 between her husbands children and hers. I just don’t get my dad as he has always stated he would be fair and we would always get something from him so now I’m confused why it sounds like he isn’t leaving us anything. I don’t know if it is a change of heart as his parents won’t have anything to leave him but his wife’s family are all about leaving everything to their children.

For the record I don’t expect anything from my dad, and I want him to live a long and full life. I love my dad and my family, I just don’t get it.. he says it is written when she passes away it gets split 5 ways but she is nearly 20 years younger than my dad. I think the thing that confuses me the most is that before he met her and even when they first started dating he always swore he would split it between all his children fairly and now he isn’t.

I feel like I should speak to him but my stepmum would get instantly hurt like I was making her out to be an evil stepmum (which I’m totally not, I love her to bits) or he would tell me that I was only after his money (which again I’m not) I would get it if he said that his plans are going to change when my brother and sister are over 18 because then no one has “children” to raise. I just know my stepmum will have left any of her equity to my brother and sister so why can’t my dad.

AIBU for wanting to talk to him and tell him how unfair i find the whole thing.

Your mom worked so your dad couldn't work the overtime he's working now or start his own business like he has now, so you had a lesser lifestyle than your half-siblings.

Your mom and dad both worked, so you didn't have a parent at home like your half-siblings have.

Your mom had an affair.

Your mom asked for the divorce.

It seems like your problem is with your mom.

This isn't about youre relationship with ylire df this is about what you think you're owed.

@isitsummertimeyet- I never mentioned how I was going to spend the money or what I planned to do with it.. I just asked whether I should be upset that I am pretty much getting cut out altogether. I wouldn’t mind even if they cut me and my siblings out and put the grandchildren down but they’ve not done that either.

Basically it looks like we set to inherit anything at all by asking our own half siblings for hand outs when their mother dies because they inherit the whole massive manor...

[quote Worthless90s]@steff13- what’s eww about it? He was dating her, she was in her early teens when we originally met her and her family. She went on to date my dad in her twenties, he was in his late 30’s and she looked after us all school when he had us on his set days...

Her dad is a builder and he did some work on our house and they bumped into each other after my parents split and started dating. There is only 16 years between them.

I don’t see anything eww about them as a couple I just think my dad has forgotten about his less self indulgent life and I think he wants to write his history as a lot more wealthy and from a better background than what he is from. He wants the children to inherit this huge Manor House and for them to never have a mortgage etc. But he doesn’t want that for all 5 of his children. He wants it for just the two youngest ones.[/quote]
Dating someone you knew when she was a child and your were an adult is...unseemly.

How do you propose that your dad ensures that all five kids inherit the same.

Thats not happened and they are both alive its not normal behaviour to go on like this, irs beyond cringey and grabby they don't have to bank roll you and youre siblings youre adults.

@steff13- I have my own problems with my mum. They are already on a totally different thread. I didn’t like my mum for years and we are only just having a healthy looking relationship now. I blamed her for the marriage ending, I Blamed her for sending my dad away so she could shack up with some half wit but when my dad dies I won’t have him anymore and I haven’t even had him for years.

So I guess it’s not even really about the money as the item, it’s not having anything when he dies... not him, not my family item (my stepmum and dad provide a wonderful Family unit- I love Christmas at their house) I worry when he dies what if we are sidelined all together.

But he has written that when she dies, you get his half. So how can your half siblings keep it from you?
The only unfair thing in it all is your dad marrying a much younger woman who is likely to outlive you. Writing this sentence has left a bad taste in my mouth. It’s not nice to talk about inheritance this way OP. Life is unfair and that is a fact. You will only burn yourself if you keep thinking of it all this way. Your father seems to have secured his side of the assets to his side of his family and that is fair, regardless of how he married after separating from your mum.

[quote Worthless90s]@bluebell34567- that’s the crux of it, that I feel it isn’t equal at all & my siblings are going to be rich and I mean life changing rich and my siblings and I are going to be classed as their bottom feeding poor siblings.

There would not be any mortgage or anything would it really change the condition of lifestyle so much if they took out a mortgage for my dads half.

My DH and I have split everything 50:50 between the children and partner so I will get 50% of husbands equity and our children will receive the other 50% likewise he will receive the same. Our life insurance policies pay off everything from debt to mortgage.[/quote]
So you don't want a fair share of your dads estate - you also want a share of your stepmums do that all 5 of your dads children are given the same. Are you going to split your inheritance from your mum with your younger 2 half siblings? No? Yet you're expecting the same thing.
For someone who purports to love their step mum as a mother figure you have written about her in a very unpleasant way - do you imagine your dad has no say i decisions & she is pulling all the strings? Are you annoyed that she has been able to stay at home to look after her children but your mum worried?
You sound very jealous of your younger half siblings lifestyle - that doesn't factor into your dads will at the end of the day but it's unfortunate you seem so bitter about it.

my stepmum and dad provide a wonderful Family unit- I love Christmas at their house
This is contradictory to what youre saying about him not bring there for you etc you keeping changing throughout the thread. You don't like the fact you share your dad basically

@steff13- sorry I meant she was late teens when we met her, I was early teens. She started dating my dad in her twenties when my mum and dad separated. She was a late teen (19 I think) when her dad did some work on our house, her dad kept in touch with us. We saw her the odd time and my older sister who is 5 years older than me would see her on nights out. My parents split two years later and he met her on a night out and they started dating a year after that. She was in her twenties by this point and I was middle teens.

All above board age wise I swear

Why are you so obsessed with your dad dying?
From the information you’ve given here, surely the oldest he can be is 51?
You’re 20s, she’s 30s, you and she were teens at the same time so max 6 years apart, he’s 50s and only 16 years older... so the maximum would be 29, 35, 51.
I know we can all go at any time, but all this focus on the death of a 51yo (?) is actually quite odd.

Youre resentment for youre half siblings oozes out in this thread.

Why are you so focused on him dying?! He's 50!! You honestly sound unreal the way you speak.
Your stepmom brought a lot of the assets and wealth to the family, she is in her 30s - why should she be homeless and out of the home SHE built with hour dad, because you're greedy? You will inherit it when she passes, which you're likely to obsess over when that will happen soon by the sounds of it!
I don't believe the ashes thing either, unless she's realised you're more interested in the money than your dad. If the ashes and the crest were so important you'd have mentioned it in the post, saying you were left out and people would probably sympathise with the ashes thing. It doesn't quite hit the same when you mention it 100s of comments later, after people have told you Yabvvvu.

[quote Worthless90s]@steff13- sorry I meant she was late teens when we met her, I was early teens. She started dating my dad in her twenties when my mum and dad separated. She was a late teen (19 I think) when her dad did some work on our house, her dad kept in touch with us. We saw her the odd time and my older sister who is 5 years older than me would see her on nights out. My parents split two years later and he met her on a night out and they started dating a year after that. She was in her twenties by this point and I was middle teens.

All above board age wise I swear[/quote]
That is still grim OP. Sorry but it seems to me that you are too hard on your mum because she failed to give you the life style your dad gave to your half siblings.
Did it ever occur to you that your dad had a huge, unpaid support at home in the shape of your step mum who enabled this success and therefore should have a far bigger share in his wealth? May be your mum was working too hard when you were growing up? May be you fancy what you couldn’t have and your half siblings have?
It al sounds too much and some of it is unfair, yes. But you can’t change it and will only damage your own life and health if you do not move on.

OP, in the nicest possible way, you need to a see a counsellor.

Your father is only in his 50s and you are speaking about him as if he is going to die tomorrow.

Do you suffer from anxiety? That is the impression I am getting from your posts.

You seem really fixated on your father and his death and it is not healthy.

Or you are not happy that you will have to wait until your stepmother dies before you will inherit, given that she is not much older than you.

@Cocomarine

Why are you so obsessed with your dad dying? From the information you’ve given here, surely the oldest he can be is 51? You’re 20s, she’s 30s, you and she were teens at the same time so max 6 years apart, he’s 50s and only 16 years older... so the maximum would be 29, 35, 51. I know we can all go at any time, but all this focus on the death of a 51yo (?) is actually quite odd.

OP said earlier that he is late 50s and step mum is late 30s, with a 16 year gap. Yes, the time and numbers don’t match up much. Even if the step mum is 36 (not late thirties?), dad will be 50? So that doesn’t seem right.

@Amira19- They provide the most festive family feeling yes. They have my grandparents over and my stepmums family and my siblings and my nieces and nephews. They’ve got the house to host it. My stepmum is a great hostess I am worried that those invites will slowly disappear once my dad is no longer around.

I can only be honest on my posts. I love my stepmum and my dad and I don’t know why recently I felt there is a giant hole where my relationship with my stepmum and my dad used to be. I do love her and I honestly see her as a second mum to me.

@Worthless90s This is about so much more than your dads will. You seem to harbour a lot of pent up resentment to your dad, your mum, your step mum & your half siblings. It's not healthy for you to carry all that & previous posters are right to suggest you might benefit from talking to someone about how you're feeling & your experiences.

agree with Vivi above.

Maybe the PP who said I was talking about her in a unkind way was right. Maybe I am pushing her away because I am worried she’ll disappear from my life once my dad dies anyway.. I have a very loving family unit Which I didn’t even have when my parents were married so what if when my dad dies I lose that family unit because she doesn’t want to be in my life anymore because she isn’t my mum and she has now financial or family responsibility to me anymore

I agree with PP that you need to seek counseling. Your dad could live for 40 more years; there is no earthly reason to be obsessed with what's going to happen to your family when he dies right now.

Is your dad much older than you have said he is?

you seem muddled up OP, emotionally as much as financially.
you are worrying about not being invited to big xmas do's at their house after your dad dies.
that may be in 20 or 30 years time. by which time the older generation may not be there, and her children will have grown and flown the nest.
it's quite likely there will not be such xmas gatherings then anyway. nothing to do with you. just the natural progress of life.

i really think you could benefit by talking to a good counsellor.

I think you need to look at yourself. You say you love your step mum, its not about the money & you just want something to remember him by but then go on to call her a "half wit" and would have to ask your siblings for handouts when she dies. You seem extreamly unhappy with your childhood in comparison to your siblings & that burning hate will grow & probably show in your actual relationship with them now. My advice would be treasure your dad while you can and live a life in the means you earned not what you think you deserve. Yes the may move abroad, it maybe a retirement dream or an actual plan, it doesn't mean he loves you less.