Inheritance worry

[Worthless90s]

Evening all, I am just wondering if I am being unreasonable or not. I am finding it increasingly unfair how my dad has sorted his will. He is remarried to a younger woman and they have 2 children together. I love my stepmom and my brother and sister dearly, I just really don’t like that my dad appears to have left everything to her.

He has said that his children get his pension if he dies whilst in service, this will be split 5 ways, if he isn’t working we don’t get anything it goes to his wife. He has also said that he has made it that my sisters and I cannot force my stepmum to sell their approx £400,000 house in order to get our money so we have to wait for her either to sell or when she dies it has been written that his half will get split 5 ways (we would never force her to sell anyway, it is not in any of nature)

My stepmum always tell people she has 5 children not 2 and she loves us all equally but I don’t quite believe she will take that attitude when it comes to any inheritance I worry that she will keep it all and my sisters and I won’t get anything. If that happens my brother and sister would stand to inherit half a million each.

My mum on the other hand has stayed completely fair and her house has been left 50:50 between her husbands children and hers. I just don’t get my dad as he has always stated he would be fair and we would always get something from him so now I’m confused why it sounds like he isn’t leaving us anything. I don’t know if it is a change of heart as his parents won’t have anything to leave him but his wife’s family are all about leaving everything to their children.

For the record I don’t expect anything from my dad, and I want him to live a long and full life. I love my dad and my family, I just don’t get it.. he says it is written when she passes away it gets split 5 ways but she is nearly 20 years younger than my dad. I think the thing that confuses me the most is that before he met her and even when they first started dating he always swore he would split it between all his children fairly and now he isn’t.

I feel like I should speak to him but my stepmum would get instantly hurt like I was making her out to be an evil stepmum (which I’m totally not, I love her to bits) or he would tell me that I was only after his money (which again I’m not) I would get it if he said that his plans are going to change when my brother and sister are over 18 because then no one has “children” to raise. I just know my stepmum will have left any of her equity to my brother and sister so why can’t my dad.

AIBU for wanting to talk to him and tell him how unfair i find the whole thing.

What I've gathered from all the inheritance posts that I've read on Mumsnet is that if your father has a new family, you can forget about inheriting anything from him.

For the record I don’t expect anything from my dad

Come on. Literally everything you wrote says otherwise. Why on earth do you think you are entitled to any money from his and his wife's home? That is their home, not yours, and your stepmother can do with it whatever she wants should he die before her. Honestly, this is the grabbiest post I've ever read.

@Chailatte20

Well at least you're not lumbered with death duties...,. Be thankful for that.

Ask your dad the next time he mentions his will whether he's organised his will tax efficiently. He might realise that leaving it all to his wife might mean it all goes to the tax man or a new spouse.

Dividing his assets amongst several beneficiaries might be a better option. Particularly if his wife remarries & then dies, then all his assets will go to her new spouse rather than his biological children. I'd approach it that way, the house is better left directly to the children rather than the remaining spouse. That way it can't be sold for care home fees or go to another spouse. I'd keep reminding him of remarriage and sideways disinheritance of his younger children.

You clearly know the square root of bugger all about UK tax law.

It's natural that you should want to be included in your dad's will. You've known him way longer than his wife.

However

It's up to him and there's bugger all you can do about it.

If your dad was still with your mum and he died, would you expect that he would leave you his half of their house and force her to sell when she’s just been bereaved? That is what you are suggesting he do to his current wife. He is leaving all his children 50% of his half of their house in trust until she dies. That’s entirely reasonable. Would you really make her move from the home they share in her lifetime just do you can get your hands on the money faster? Sorry but YABU.

This place is rife with inheritance issues this week. Baffling.

Your dad is alive and well. He’s got 5 children. He loves his wife and wants to make sure she’s secure in their shared home if she outlives him.

For all the attempts at mitigating - that she’s great, that you love her, that you don’t want anything - you’re obviously resentful, grabby, entitled, staggeringly rude to even contemplate complaining at this stage and pretty bitter. You’ll get your money. But not before you’re owed once your step mum has also died. Tough luck. Focus on making your own money and financial security.

Though I understand from your post that he is leaving it to you but you don’t get it until she moves or dies. So he isn’t leaving it to her. And he didn’t lie.

[quote Worthless90s]@Musicalmistress- my mum has a husband and they don’t have any kids together so her husband would need to find her half of the house or sell. They’ve both agreed to that as he has his own kids too.

I just don’t think my dad expects to change any of this when my siblings both turn 18.. when all of his children are over 18 what would be fair inheritance situation then? His two children with his family orientated wife becoming half millionaires each and all three of his cast off to the side children from his poorer family days being left out[/quote]
Your mum & her husband at doing the same thing it sounds like but at the point of her death rather than in your dads case you need to wait until they have both died.
I wouldn't expect it to change regardless of the age of the children. Your dads 5 children inherit an equal share of his half, your stepmums 2 children inherit an equal share of her half & your mums 3 children inherit an equal share of her half of her property. Each child inherits a share of estate from both their parents. The fact that your stepmum has more to leave/fewer children than your mum is neither her nor there.

@Musicalmistress- that sounds completely fair. I would hope that he would have written his will to have it worked out like that. My siblings would definitely inherit enough to buy my full sisters and I out.

I love my dads house and I love going to visit them all with my children. I love my stepmum and my children call her grandma. I have always treated her like a second mum to me so no I don’t want to see her sell up and be homeless.

It's natural that you should want to be included in your dad's will. You've known him way longer than his wife

What on earth has that got to do with it? I've known my brother longer that his wife has, but that doesn't mean I expect to inherit his house.

My dad and stepmum have claimed all ornabments and belongings as theirs even ones that my dad owned when he was with my mum, we’ve been told we wouldn’t be able to even have any of those regardless of the money

This is tacky as fuck. They both sound a bit money-obsessed, tbh. I’d take any promises from either of them with a pinch of salt.

YANBU to be annoyed by it, but from bitter experience, I’d say save your energy and try not to get your hopes up about inheriting anything.

I have always treated her like a second mum to me so no I don’t want to see her sell up and be homeless

What do you want?

Basically it boils down to not getting a cut of youre stepmother assets and seeing half siblings getting more when in reality you stand to inherit from youre own mother, but you expect to inherit three times. How old are youre siblings the life insurance is aimed to support his young dc should he no longer be able to. Not for his adult children.

How old are you Dad and Step Mother OP?

@GarlicSoup- my dad is in his 50’s and my stepmum is in her 30’s

This has happened to me, except my mum died, dad remarried a younger women with 3 young adult children, dad has now died, 12 years ago, there is a will of trust splitting the will 6 ways, I have 2 siblings, I don’t really understand it, not sure if step mum can change to leave to her DC only, my sixth share if I were to get one would be a substantial amount, I refuse to get bitter about not having my share now, I mean it would be nice but don’t let it ruin your relationships, your dad is still alive, enjoy having your family around whilst you can. I would never ever have raised the subject of inheritance with my father, it just doesn’t sit right with me, I don’t know how you raise it actually without sounding grabby.

OP, what do you think should happen? Your step mum should be forced to sell her family home so you get the money you want?

Let’s hope your dad lives another 40 years or so, eh?

@Chewbecca- I would love my dad to live for another 40 years. Even if the inheritance was passed to my own children and not me, I don’t care about any of that. I just don’t want to be pushed out altogether.

I feel like my siblings and I have already been pushed out. We are part of his past life, one where he had less money and his wife had an affair and his perfect family image was torn apart. He now has the loving young wife, he has the money he always wanted, he has the freedom to retire now if he wanted and I feel he begrudges having me and my siblings so young because that affected his life.

[quote Worthless90s]@GarlicSoup- my dad is in his 50’s and my stepmum is in her 30’s[/quote]
How ridiculous to even be having this conversation.

Don't ever think of the money, if you get any count yourself lucky. Plenty dont.

Discussions about inheritance and what you will "get" is vile.

Seems to have become a generation of those who inherit and those who do not. Your privileged to receive any money.

He’s being fair. All the children will get a fair share, yes you will have to wait until step mother passes away, it’s really pleasing you all get on and surely you wouldn’t expect her to move out of her home if your father passers away, Accept it

What did you want to happen him in a beautiful on his own. His exw cheated he left and carved out a life met someone and had a family. Youre an adult how old are you seriously?

Hes 50 he could easily live to 90 im shocked that inheritance would be on youre mind given hes fairly young himself.

@grassgreenthisside- the fact is that if my dad was still with my mum, there wouldn’t be any mixing up or anything. My dad had always worked the same job since I’ve been born so it’s not a case of him changing his job. When he was with my mum their will was leave their half to their kids.. not everything to the other person. That’s probably because they didn’t trust each other.

My dad just seems to have faith that my stepmum will stick to his wishes but reading mumsnet so often I know that most children are cut out if they are from the “former life”

Christ, yet another poster claiming they don't expect anything. Like the many other recent inheritance posters OP, you clearly want the money, but it's not your choice.

If it were left up to me I'd give nothing to someone who hounded me about what they'd be getting from me. Especially if I was only 50.