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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance worry

215 replies

Worthless90s · 28/11/2020 20:48

Evening all, I am just wondering if I am being unreasonable or not. I am finding it increasingly unfair how my dad has sorted his will. He is remarried to a younger woman and they have 2 children together. I love my stepmom and my brother and sister dearly, I just really don’t like that my dad appears to have left everything to her.

He has said that his children get his pension if he dies whilst in service, this will be split 5 ways, if he isn’t working we don’t get anything it goes to his wife. He has also said that he has made it that my sisters and I cannot force my stepmum to sell their approx £400,000 house in order to get our money so we have to wait for her either to sell or when she dies it has been written that his half will get split 5 ways (we would never force her to sell anyway, it is not in any of nature)

My stepmum always tell people she has 5 children not 2 and she loves us all equally but I don’t quite believe she will take that attitude when it comes to any inheritance I worry that she will keep it all and my sisters and I won’t get anything. If that happens my brother and sister would stand to inherit half a million each.

My mum on the other hand has stayed completely fair and her house has been left 50:50 between her husbands children and hers. I just don’t get my dad as he has always stated he would be fair and we would always get something from him so now I’m confused why it sounds like he isn’t leaving us anything. I don’t know if it is a change of heart as his parents won’t have anything to leave him but his wife’s family are all about leaving everything to their children.

For the record I don’t expect anything from my dad, and I want him to live a long and full life. I love my dad and my family, I just don’t get it.. he says it is written when she passes away it gets split 5 ways but she is nearly 20 years younger than my dad. I think the thing that confuses me the most is that before he met her and even when they first started dating he always swore he would split it between all his children fairly and now he isn’t.

I feel like I should speak to him but my stepmum would get instantly hurt like I was making her out to be an evil stepmum (which I’m totally not, I love her to bits) or he would tell me that I was only after his money (which again I’m not) I would get it if he said that his plans are going to change when my brother and sister are over 18 because then no one has “children” to raise. I just know my stepmum will have left any of her equity to my brother and sister so why can’t my dad.

AIBU for wanting to talk to him and tell him how unfair i find the whole thing.

OP posts:
hellejuice91 · 28/11/2020 22:33

I think it depends how young the children with the new wife are. If they are children as oppose to adults it makes sense that the money is left to the wife (and all of it too) as she may well need it to look after them. I also hold the view that it is his money to do with as he wishes.

Fairyfalls · 28/11/2020 22:35

So this happened to my sister she married a man who already had a son she then had a daughter with him. When they went to sort out a will a solicitor said to him do you really want to leave your wife in a position where she has to sell the house if you pass, the solcs told him protect wife and daughter then when she passed the house would go to both children which is what is in the will. As others have said if passes then she could change the will and leave the son out. Just the way it work as no husband will wants to setup a will leaving his wife in a position that she has no home. Can you see that at all?

Cocomarine · 28/11/2020 22:36

Why are you talking about having no ornaments to remember him by, when he’s in his 50s?!
You say that he and his wife have “claimed” his ornaments.
Um... how? He’s alive!
What are these ornaments? If something among them has sentimental rather than monetary value, why not ask for it now?

steff13 · 28/11/2020 22:38

If your dad has had the same job all along but was poor when he was with your mother, is the stepmother the one who brought all the money to the relationship?

Tistheseason17 · 28/11/2020 22:39

Just forget about it.
My Dad has a new partner for 6 yrs now. I fully expect him to leave house to her and in turn she will pass to her adult children, I'll get left out - my Dad met the 'children'when they were in their 30s.
Is it fair ? Nah. But, my life is not defined by an expectation of inheritance. I love my Dad and she makes him happy - if he does leave me the house,she can stay as long as she likes as she's fab!
Make your own wealth and stop thinking about this!

Cocomarine · 28/11/2020 22:40

So, if he had a poorer lifestyle with your mum, and he hasn’t changed his job... how much of this “inheritance” has she brought into (or increased during) the marriage anyway?

Her parents own the other house on the plot of land. Who owns the plot? What was her position before she met your dad?

Amira19 · 28/11/2020 22:41

Clearly the asserts they habe now are from youre stepmother so if anything you stand to inhert alot more than if you're df was on his own by youre own omission he was poor not hes married her assets are shared but that doesn't mean you get full claim to her assets aswell.

Original poster
Worthless90s · 28/11/2020 22:41

@Amira19- i am late 20’s. I just hate that when my dad passes away we lose everything from that side of the family. My grandparents have even passed ornaments etc on and they’ve now been included in their “families” collection.

It is like my dad makes jokes such as “well none of you will be (insert surname) when you are all married so of course I am not leaving you the (insert surname) family crest ornament” I love that ornament and seeing that in the house when my parents were together was one of the few items that still brings a smile to my face when I see it now but it is no longer our family’s now it is theirs and we cannot inherit it

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 28/11/2020 22:42

Incidentally, I inherit my second husband’s estate. We have no children together. I keep telling him to sort his will out - but he hasn’t, because he totally trusts me to pass everything to his adult children. His trust is not misplaced, though I think he’s foolish! So - she may not cut you out at all.

Porridgeoat · 28/11/2020 22:44

It sounds fair.

He has left his cash to all his kids once wife has passed. Wife can do what she chooses with her half.

grassgreenthisside · 28/11/2020 22:44

[quote Worthless90s]@grassgreenthisside- the fact is that if my dad was still with my mum, there wouldn’t be any mixing up or anything. My dad had always worked the same job since I’ve been born so it’s not a case of him changing his job. When he was with my mum their will was leave their half to their kids.. not everything to the other person. That’s probably because they didn’t trust each other.

My dad just seems to have faith that my stepmum will stick to his wishes but reading mumsnet so often I know that most children are cut out if they are from the “former life”[/quote]
But it doesn't matter? It's not your money? Your not entitled to a penny of it?

Let him live his life and spend it how he wants. Even if his wife blows it all, they made that agreement by getting married. Its not yours.

I don't understand how this is hard to grasp. You'll get what your given and be grateful

Amira19 · 28/11/2020 22:45

Honestly op you sound grabby, that ornament has come from his parents he has every right to kept it, hes 50 for godsake its unlikely hes going to die soon unless hes in ill health. Are you unhappy because his wife is closer in age to you?

PowerslidePanda · 28/11/2020 22:46

My dad just seems to have faith that my stepmum will stick to his wishes but reading mumsnet so often I know that most children are cut out if they are from the “former life”

You need to find out whether they own the house as joint tenants, or tenants in common. If they're joint tenants, then yes - you'll only inherit if your stepmum sticks to his wishes (because she'll get full ownership when he dies). But if they're tenants in common then his half of the house is nothing to do with her - when he dies, you will own part of it and she can't do anything to change that. The very reason that "tenants in common" exists is because of the scenario that you're worried about, and if he's made his will through a reputable professional (i.e. not a DIY job), it almost certainly would have been taken care of part of it.

NotBabiesForLong · 28/11/2020 22:47

He is only in his 50s with hopefully decades ahead of him.

Get on with your own future and drop any thoughts of inheritance.

Who knows what could happen? He may hopefully live for decades, he might get divorced, marry again, maybe have another few kids, may spend fortunes on a nursing home, win the lottery.....

Who knows. Live your life and trust all will turn out for the best in the future.

Original poster
Worthless90s · 28/11/2020 22:49

@Cocomarine & @amira19- my stepmum used to work but when she had my siblings she quit. The land was bought by my dads in laws but he bought the main house from them. He has an amazing job and he was in the same position when he was with my mum but my mum always worked whereas my stepmum didn’t.

My dad launched a new business which makes money too but he has put all that in my stepmums name also that she work from home and look after the children too.

It’s not a case that my stepmum brought more equity into the marriage, she has never had a career or anything. She has just been suitable in allowing my dad to further his. He used to work shorter shifts not do as much overtime when he was with my mum now he can

OP posts:
Amira19 · 28/11/2020 22:51

Shes facilities him by watching their children and working from home. Her parents owned the land for a start so yes being with her has aided his financial position shes in.

Holyrivolli · 28/11/2020 22:53

Why as an adult with your own family are you so involved and interested in your dads affairs? Do you not have your own money, partner,job, kids to worry about? He’s in his fifties so will probably live for another couple of decades. You seem to have an unhealthy obsession with their finances.

Original poster
Worthless90s · 28/11/2020 22:55

Any of her claim on the land was taken out of the purchase price of the house to begin with so it is just a straight 50:50 rather than her owning more than 50% of the house.

My dad is not usually financially unorganised that’s why I don’t get why he would sort it all out because he must know there is a risk that all 5 of his kids are cut out.. what if she remarried and a new husband who had his own kids from a previous marriage got everything so none of our family got anything

OP posts:
PowerslidePanda · 28/11/2020 22:56

Any of her claim on the land was taken out of the purchase price of the house to begin with so it is just a straight 50:50 rather than her owning more than 50% of the house.

Irrelevant to whether they're legally joint tenants or tenants in common. That's the crux of this.

bluebell34567 · 28/11/2020 22:56

havent rtft but i understand you op.
you just want to be treated equally, you are his child, too, after all.

NotBabiesForLong · 28/11/2020 22:56

It is certain you won't know all of the facts of their finances.

Troublesome financial times are ahead for many businesses. People go bankrupt and spouses have absolutely no idea that they were in financial trouble.

He has decades ahead of him.

Put thoughts of inheritance out of your mind and appreciate the life and family you have.

bluebell34567 · 28/11/2020 22:57

you can ask him -when you are alone- why doesnt he treat you equally with your siblings and add that it is very upsetting for you.

Mrgrinch · 28/11/2020 23:03

How high up on your list of priorities is your dad's happiness? Obviously it's not above getting your hands on his money, but seriously?

mumwon · 28/11/2020 23:05

I am sorry you feel hurt but at least he has told you & why
I don't think anybody should count on parents money/house
They earned it -they have the right to decide
Are you saying she has the house for life? If the will is done properly she won't be able to sell it or give it over to her dc or possible future husband

Newkitchen123 · 28/11/2020 23:06

If it's a lifetime interest then she can't cut you out. She can live there until she dies or sells then you get your share.
Let's imagine your parents had not divorced. Let's say your dad died, surely you'd not expect to inherit anything from the house until your mum died