To have not helped DH out?

[Mylittlesandwich]

I'll try and keep this short.

DH has always struggled to get DS (almost 1) ready on time. He gave himself 2 hours and was still running late this morning.

DH can't drive.

He has recently started a new job, our shifts today meant he would have to drop DS to nursery and then go to work, work being a 5 min walk from nursery.

Was I unreasonable to not take a break from working at home to drive them both down and then come back? He will have just made it with the time he left but will have been rushing.

I'm just fed up of always having to drive him here and there because he can't get out the door on time.

Yanbu if he was rushing but not late that sounds perfect for him to learn how to speed up.

Is he able to learn to drive?

YANBU he needs to learn how to do it himself. How the hell did he have to rush after 2 hrs? What on earth was he doing?

Presumably he is a fully functioning man?Leave him alone!!
I didn't drive until I had had 6 dc. Still got to school every morning just fine..

What on Earth takes 2 hours?! He needs to be more organised. If you enable his incompetence he’ll keep slacking. YANBU.

I will never get over the sheer selfishness that posters on here show towards their own families 😲

If you can make life easier or show a little bit of kindness to the person you proclaim to love and share your life with, you would, wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you?

Why does everything have to be transactional on here??

Yes YABU

Well perhaps he will come up with a way to get out the door on time

2 hours for one man and one child to get out of the house is ridiculous.

Don’t let him make you feel bad. Put it back on him. Ask him what he intends to change so there is no rush.

He needs the practice. If you always bail him out what's he going to learn. When you are working in an office this question wouldn't even arise. Sent boundaries and stick to them.

It is very hard to learn how to manage time with kids and there is a painful transition phase for all parents - stepping in at that point is not a kindness - it is preventing growth.

I don't think it's the case of relationships being transactional @elizadeee it's just that it's only fair to have two adults in an adult relationship.

Otherwise all the thinking work, planning work, and doing work ends up with whichever adult is most competent.

Sure, if it was a rarity then it makes sense to all pull together, but if someone is consistently late, or consistently disorganised, it isn't fair than the other person always has to fill the gaps.

@VainAbigail yes he is physically able to learn to drive however it's not something we can afford at the moment. I won money a few years back that I used to learn to drive. I did offer to put him through his lessons at the same time but he declined.

@ElizaDeee I don't think it's transactional, I don't expect anything from him in return. I do all the driving, pay for the car, insurance, tax, MOT and most of the fuel. I don't usually mind but this morning it isn't convenient, I could have done it but I'd much rather get on with my work.

@pigcon1

It is very hard to learn how to manage time with kids and there is a painful transition phase for all parents - stepping in at that point is not a kindness - it is preventing growth.

Exactly! If he knows that he will always have the option of OP stepping in and helping then he won't ever feel the motivation to learn how to do it independently.

On a side note how the fuck does it take 2 hours to get himself and a under 1 year old ready!

Let him crack on alone, he won’t learn how not to be incompetent if you keep rescuing him. Two hours and just one kid, unbelievable!

YANBU. I can get my two DC ready in thirty minutes and one of them has special needs so it’s not easy. What’s your DH doing in that time?

And to those asking how it takes 2 hours to get one adult and one almost 1 year old. I have absolutely no idea. I'm working up the stairs in the spare room so I didn't actually witness it but I suspect it involves a lot of fannying about.

Red flag. There's another woman.

(Thought I'd get it in first ).

I'm just fed up of always having to drive him here and there because he can't get out the door on time

This is probably one of the main reasons he can't shift his arse to be on time anywhere, because you always jump in to rescue the situation.

I'd have given them a lift, because id hope my partner would help me when I need it. My OH is very generous with his time so I know he'd have helped me if the roles were reversed.

@ElizaDeee, totally agree with you. This is exactly why resentment builds up in relationships. Every action is counted, scored and used against the other.

I'm a bit confused about the 2h. What does he do during this and what do you do?

@liveitwell

I'd have given them a lift, because id hope my partner would help me when I need it. My OH is very generous with his time so I know he'd have helped me if the roles were reversed.

But he didn't need help, it's not like there was a last minute emergency such as a poo explosion just as he was about to leave.

He faffed about and dawled for 2 whole hours getting ready. He needs to learn how ro manage his time better, not be rewarded for taking so long with a lift.

I wonder if he has ADHD- that’s a long time to get ready especially given he was trying really hard. It would suggest he has poor executive function. Medication can help with the focus and time awareness/ planning.

Op has explained that she’s working during that two hours...

@Mylittlesandwich YADefinitelyNBU!

@Christmasmorale

I wonder if he has ADHD- that’s a long time to get ready especially given he was trying really hard. It would suggest he has poor executive function. Medication can help with the focus and time awareness/ planning.

Yes this is definitely a possibility.

Thing is even if he does have ADHD there are things that can be done to mitigate this and he needs to be doing them. He won't improve his functioning if OP jumps in every time and rescues him. He needs to learn to adult to his maximum capacity. 2 hours to get a 1yo ready is ridiculous.