To have not helped DH out?

[Mylittlesandwich]

I'll try and keep this short.

DH has always struggled to get DS (almost 1) ready on time. He gave himself 2 hours and was still running late this morning.

DH can't drive.

He has recently started a new job, our shifts today meant he would have to drop DS to nursery and then go to work, work being a 5 min walk from nursery.

Was I unreasonable to not take a break from working at home to drive them both down and then come back? He will have just made it with the time he left but will have been rushing.

I'm just fed up of always having to drive him here and there because he can't get out the door on time.

Yabu for not giving them a lift if you could do so .
Be kind to each other.so he's never ready on time,everyone has their faults we don't punish them for them,we love them all the same.

@KarmaStar, when you are sat in your office, is that ok for you to just leave, run an errant (whatever it is, incl taking your fully bodied DH to work/nursery) in the middle of your working day??

If I was doing that, my employer would
1- pull a face (And think I’m a prat)
2- expect me to work later in the afternoon to compensate. This would mean that the OP couldn't then pick up said toddler at the end of the day

I’m really not sure why people somehow think it’s ok to leave work like this when you wfh when they would never even think about doing that if they were in the office.

YANBU. If a woman posted saying she wanted her DH to drop his work and take her and child to nursery after having 2 hours to get ready and get there, she would be told to shut up and get on with letting the breadwinner win the bread.

I saw the term "strategic incompetence" on here recently which I think is very relevant

@CloudPop

I saw the term "strategic incompetence" on here recently which I think is very relevant

Incompetence?

He didn't ask for a lift
He got ds to nursery on time
He went to work

For all we know his messing about may simply have been spending a bit of time with his son.

And as said before he generated a lot of comment on Mumsnet which all in all mean he's had a good day. Any man who can generate so much condemnation and controversy by doing what he's supposed to is doing alright.

2 hours? He's either being rubbish hoping you'll intervene or is stopping & faffing, for multiple coffee breaks or screen time. I'd find the faffing unbearable & say if your ready by so & do I'll drive you, if not , tough.

@CloudPop

I saw the term "strategic incompetence" on here recently which I think is very relevant

Do women suffer from it or only men?

I’d have given him the lift.

I’d also have bent his ear about it the whole time. I thought that’s how marriage works 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mothers, me included, tend to see a lot of our interaction with children as a list of tasks.

Clean, feed, clean, dress, sort packed lunch, ensure warmly dressed, check that but if dried skin you noticed on their arm has gone, tidy away toys, book their dentist appointment etc etc... and that’s even before. they have left for nursery.

Many fathers don’t have the other “stuff” on their mind so interventions like getting dressed in the morning tend to be more “events”. More fun, relaxed, broken up with play etc.

And I suspect this happened here.

I had and have no problem being the former because it plays to my strength and I don’t really enjoy “playing”.

Whereas my husband (ex now but still close) good at the latter.

So if this is the case here, so way would I not support by giving a lift. Ultimately the child wins.... all care needs met, plus a healthy dollop of “fun”

no way would I not support

He did but in the world's most inefficient manner by the sounds of it. Unless the OP is also allowed 2 hours to do that one job it's not a fair division of labour

See, everything ends up transactional on here.

@TonMoulin

Nope *@Storyoftonight* because that story assumes it was one off, not a regular occasion as the OP describes. Plus her DH didn’t do anything else other getting himself and toddler ready. Totally different set up.

The story should be something Like this:

really struggle getting DS ready in the morning, I'm rushing round trying to get myself dressed, him dressed,DH had prepared toddler bag for nursery the day before and thankfully I don’t have to do anything else, meanwhile DH is in his study working the whole time. This morning like this is the case everyday I took 2 hours to get us both ready and leave the house. I then had to half jog the 25 mins to the nursery to drop DS off before work to try and make it in time, it's horrible in this wintry weather, DH does drive but won't take me in the car because he thinks I have more than enough time in the mornings to get ready and drop DS off, and that he can’t decently leave work for 15~20 mins each morning when I have 2 hours to get myself and baby dressed, esp as he is started his working day early so he can do the pick up at the end of the day

Corrected that for you.

Thanks for the correction , but I didn't write the post.