Meeting girlfriend Christmas Day

[Hm28]

Husband’s brother (who has only bothered to visit my 6 month old twice since born) wants to bring his new girlfriend over for Christmas Day. We’ve never met her and only heard from relatives that he even has a new girlfriend. Only know he wants to bring her as I asked my MIL today and she said he plans to. Am I wrong to not want to join our family Christmas and the first with my son? I feel like it will take away from the day and I won’t be as relaxed as have a stranger in my house for the day. Not particularly close to my BIL and he’s very self involved so know they day will be all about her.
Obviously the is only if Covid restrictions allow!

I don't blame you, especially as the first time you will meet her.

Try meet her before Christmas then?

Would meet before Christmas if they asked but it’s a one way relationship with them so not going to ask to meet someone I haven’t even been told directly exists!

who has only bothered to visit my 6 month old twice since born

Haven't we been in lockdown for over half of the last 6 months?

Not particularly close to my BIL and he’s very self involved so know they day will be all about her.

How? Like genuine question, how can Christmas day be all about one person? Is he going to insist she has all the turkey or turns in charades or something . She'll probably stay for dinner and make an excuse to leave if she feels unwelcome anyway, which sounds like she will.

Just speak to him about it. You might be worrying over nothing if it is Chinese whispers.

He is a cf.
Sorry bil we are having a quiet Xmas this year..
End of chat.
Or he can take her to mil's and you can see her boxing day.

You were the new girlfriend once. I’m sure you wanted the family to be welcoming to you. I think YABU, why does it matter if she’s there or not, it sounds more like you don’t like your BIL so that’s why this bothers you, also I mean this kindly but no one is that bothered about your children but you. Before I had kids I wasn’t great a visiting other people’s babies, it didn’t mean I didn’t care I just didn’t understand what it was like to have kids.

I don’t know how it will take away from the day if another adult joins? I’ve always welcomed all partners to our for Christmas but then I enjoy hosting and having everybody together for Christmas.
We have been in lockdown and I’m not sure of your expectations for the amount of visits in the first 6 months? How often were you expecting him to visit? How many times has he turned you down when you’ve invited him to visit?

Enjoy the season of goodwill OP with your 6 month old who won't even know what day it is but go ahead and make an adult feel unwelcome and have an atmosphere.
You're obviously in a huff about BIL not visiting the baby enough.
Perhaps DH can speak to his brother and find out a bit about his girlfriend. She may be his future wife for all you know.

If the issue is that you don't like BIL anyway then don't invite him and you won't meet his girlfriend either.

That said communication needs to be better, if he's actually intending to bring someone to your home he needs to check with you and DH as joint hosts, not his mum. At present it's all hearsay.

Oh just had a though, this will be your babies first Xmas won’t it? Are you afraid the new girlfriend will detract attention from that? Is that what the comment about it all being about the new girlfriend means?

You sound horrible

Thought*

You can't demand someone doesn't bring their girlfriend for Christmas because you're worried it might take some attention away from you and your baby's first Christmas...honestly that's bonkers.
However it sounds like there is deeper problems as you obviously don't like him very much at all. How does your husband feel as it's his brother? Will it be worth you causing a major family fallout over it?

Think you’re being slightly unreasonable- we’ve been in a lockdown during those six months and he’s seen your son twice which isn’t bad going!

I’m sure your baby will get plenty of attention on Christmas- but your BIL should be able to bring his girlfriend on Christmas to spend with his family.

He’s seen your baby twice, which sounds like plenty in the current circumstances. Meeting an adult is not comparable to meeting a baby - babies are all pretty similar at that stage. A baby’s first Christmas is unlikely to be a big deal for the baby. It would be gracious to let the girlfriend come.

You're upset that a grown woman will take the spotlight off your little diddums. I suggest you grow up.

I have never known people in real life to be as precious as they are on here about a babies first Christmas. I doubt you will even be able to spend it all together but if are, how is it fair he cant spend it with his partner as it is your sons first xmas. You just sound like you are being awkward.

IF you're hosting, surely it's up to you to issue invitations. Or not. (Though I can't see why you'd expect your BIL to show any more interest in your baby than an initial duty visit. Twice in six months sounds perfectly normal to me.)

You sound awful.

If you’re having MIL and BIL round, it’s mean not to let his girlfriend come. And I think you risk damaging any future relationship with her, as she’ll probably think you’re hostile and jealous.

Would you like to have been excluded when you first started dating your husband?

Anyone else think that twice in 6 months for an uncle who probably couldn’t really care less about babies is actually quite good going?

All close relatives should come once, out of politeness I think. Thereafter - it’s up to them based on how much they’re interested.

He doesn’t care that much about seeing your baby, you don’t care that much about seeing his girlfriend.

If your husband is happy with that level of contact with his brother, it’s fine.

I understand you don’t want new people around of Xmas day - I disagree, but I understand. However, you sound a bit precious when you start talking about first Xmas with your son. And?

I think you're unreasonable for everything except the fact he's intending to bring a guest you dont know to your house for you to host. I think that's insanely rude. You ask the person who's house you're going to if you can bring a guest, surely.

How many times was it even possible to see you all with covid and lockdown? Babies are not particularly interesting either to anyone who isn't one of the parents

Yabu

@Hm28

Would meet before Christmas if they asked but it’s a one way relationship with them so not going to ask to meet someone I haven’t even been told directly exists!

Wow. You need updating of this persons mere existence! Ffs, 'tis the season to be Merry, after a shit year just welcome the poor girl, trust me, your baby won't give a shit Seriously no need to be so up your own arse uptight

Am I wrong to not want to join our family Christmas and the first with my son? I feel like it will take away from the day

YABU
Cant you try and meet them in dec?