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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting girlfriend Christmas Day

213 replies

Hm28 · 18/11/2020 12:28

Husband’s brother (who has only bothered to visit my 6 month old twice since born) wants to bring his new girlfriend over for Christmas Day. We’ve never met her and only heard from relatives that he even has a new girlfriend. Only know he wants to bring her as I asked my MIL today and she said he plans to. Am I wrong to not want to join our family Christmas and the first with my son? I feel like it will take away from the day and I won’t be as relaxed as have a stranger in my house for the day. Not particularly close to my BIL and he’s very self involved so know they day will be all about her.
Obviously the is only if Covid restrictions allow!

OP posts:
Honeylemontea · 18/11/2020 22:50

You sound awful

ANGELFACEXO · 18/11/2020 23:13

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BlueThistles · 18/11/2020 23:13

I think that she just wants to be the only girl there and wants to be the centre of attention that day. I think she's jealous of another girl coming into the family and doesn't want to accept her. I think that she wants everything to revolve around her and her new baby, doesn't want anyone else to take away the shine, and wants all the attention on her And not the excitement of the family meeting the brothers new girlfriend who I'm sure isn't as self centred And weird as this one. Probably feels threatened. I think she will feel left out and unimportant so she doesn't want her to come.

You sound like the GF that's been refused entry 🤣😂

BackforGood · 18/11/2020 23:21

I agree with most.
YABU.
Perhaps you haven't noticed, but there has been a lot of lockdown at various stages and restricted visiting, so "only visiting twice in your 6month old's life" isn't really surprising this year --nor any, as a lot of people don't think babies are that interesting".
Nobody knows yet what will or won't be allowed by Christmas day, but when you or your dh do phone his brother, that would be the time to invite his partner and for him and her to accept or decline your invitation. I can't think of any reason why you wouldn't extend the invitation that would not leave you sounding very unreasonable. I would certainly be wanting to meet a new love in the life of my BiL.

YukoandHiro · 18/11/2020 23:42

Well, you're full of welcoming festive cheer aren't you. Almost like the innkeeper at Bethlehem himself.

I think YABU to object but I also think BIL should ask your DH himself if it's ok for his GF to be a part of the day

Jenstar123 · 18/11/2020 23:42

You sounds like a bit of a dick. If you don’t want guests at Christmas that totally fair enough just say you don’t want guests, but don’t make this about your BIL’s GF.

ANGELFACEXO · 18/11/2020 23:47

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Jenstar123 · 18/11/2020 23:49

Oh yes because no one will even be looking at the beloved baby with a new GF there! 😂

ANGELFACEXO · 18/11/2020 23:55

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BlueCheckedTeatowel · 19/11/2020 00:09

my BIL started dating a woman in november (a few years ago). He was due to come to us on christmas day with MIL (as he was divorced and nobody on the scene this was our annual standing arrangement). I suggested he invite girlfriend before he could ask me. Its christmas and its one extra person. if BIL wants to spend time with her I would rather she came to us than him clock watching or texting her the entire day. the more the merrier.

(FYI she brought wine and chocolates and was lovely. Theyre now married and im godmother to their DC1)

saleorbouy · 19/11/2020 00:18

YABU, I think they should go elsewhere, sorry but it doesn't sounds like Christmas at yours will be much fun.....

catchabreak2020 · 19/11/2020 01:01

You sound like a delightful person OP! He probably hasn't asked yet as he’s not sure what the rules will be. You seem very mean spirited. You also don’t know the girlfriends situation, maybe he wants to bring her because otherwise she would be alone. She might not have any family! Not that it should really affect how you act but might be nice to think about others for a change! Plus Nobody cares about your baby’s first Christmas except you and maybe the grandparents.

Boomclaps · 19/11/2020 01:25

Yeah you’re being weird. Dd will be nearly 5 months at Christmas and DH and I are very much looking forward to meeting Both of my sisters boyfriends for the first time if we can host a family Christmas...
I hadn’t for a second thought. Oh these adults are going to make my babies Christmas which she won’t even care about less special

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 19/11/2020 01:31

The world does not revolve around you and your baby OP, get a grip

GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/11/2020 01:49

Why can't she be around your any? Is he Jesus or something?

Also we've been in lockdown since March, I wouldn't expect more than 2 visits from an uncle.

Yes she a stranger but so what - she isnt to your BIL and she won't be to you either.

TBH OP, tell him not to bring her - it doesn't sound like you'd be very welcoming, I imagine she'd be nervous and the last thing she needs is a sour faced "SIL"

GlummyMcGlummerson · 19/11/2020 01:50

*your baby not your any 🙄

AllByMySelfDontWannaBe · 19/11/2020 04:21

OP ever consider what shes thinking about it?

"FFS I have to spend xmas at my boyfriends brother's house, with his wife who is apparently all "dont look at my special baby!!"."

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 19/11/2020 04:45

She could have nowhere else to go. Seems a bit cruel to not let her come. Also who is doing the hosting? If its MIL then you can't really begrudge her seeing her son on Christmas day and that could be what you're doing as he may very well just have it alone with gf.

Bookworming · 19/11/2020 05:03

You sound so unwelcoming! I'm sure she won't stay long!

How does your DH feel or is that not important?

flaviaritt · 19/11/2020 06:57

It’s your house. You should do the inviting.

Girlintheframe · 19/11/2020 07:05

My Dsis is bring her new bf to Xmas dinner. 1st time meeting family.
I honestly couldn't care less.
It won't add or take away anything from my Xmas but will add to hers. IMO your being absurd.

HeronLanyon · 19/11/2020 07:07

I found it very hard to read beyond the first half of the first sentence. An uncle has seen his new niece twice in 6 months during current lockdown/general chaos and you describe that as ‘couldn’t be bothered to see her more than that’ !!
Bloody hell. Not sure anything would be good enough for you op.

flaviaritt · 19/11/2020 07:19

If people are flinging Bethlehem comparisons about, my observation is that the OP needs to make sure her in-laws aren’t making her the donkey. If the celebration is in her house, she is the host (and her DH). It’s nothing to do with her MIL who comes and BIL should ask the OP if he would like to invite an extra guest.

But sometimes with multigenerational families there is a bit of a tension between the older members of the family, who are used to inviting who they like to family get togethers, and the younger, especially women, who are increasingly expected to do the work.

Don’t be the donkey, OP! He asks you or he doesn’t bring her.

LaceyBetty · 19/11/2020 09:32

But hosting Christmas isn't really like hosting a normal dinner party where I absolutely agree that you pick and choose your guests and the general mix of people. For Christmas there is hopefully more flexibility so that everyone gets to see everyone and no one is left out. It's not like you can just have another party with the uninvited guests the next weekend. I suppose you can, but it's not the same

flaviaritt · 19/11/2020 11:16

But hosting Christmas isn't really like hosting a normal dinner party where I absolutely agree that you pick and choose your guests and the general mix of people.

I think you get to choose your guests whatever the occasion.