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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting girlfriend Christmas Day

213 replies

Hm28 · 18/11/2020 12:28

Husband’s brother (who has only bothered to visit my 6 month old twice since born) wants to bring his new girlfriend over for Christmas Day. We’ve never met her and only heard from relatives that he even has a new girlfriend. Only know he wants to bring her as I asked my MIL today and she said he plans to. Am I wrong to not want to join our family Christmas and the first with my son? I feel like it will take away from the day and I won’t be as relaxed as have a stranger in my house for the day. Not particularly close to my BIL and he’s very self involved so know they day will be all about her.
Obviously the is only if Covid restrictions allow!

OP posts:
Pukkatea · 18/11/2020 14:24

Hmm I think yabu especially to accuse your BIL of being self involved while complaining that his girlfriend is going to steal attention from your baby.

Also how many times are you meant to visit nieces/nephews? I see mine a few times a year, pandemic or not...

Bibidy · 18/11/2020 14:24

I guess since you're hosting you could tell BIL you'd prefer he didn't bring her but the likelihood is he will then not join in either and it will cause friction.

Surely better to just let her come?

CosyQueen · 18/11/2020 14:28

Yabu- you sound extremely high maintenance and very ‘me,me,me!’
The world doesn’t revolve around you and your baby.
If you were my sister I probably wouldn’t visit you a lot either to be honest...

Whenwemeet · 18/11/2020 14:32

I think you’re being very precious. Last Christmas my DB brought his girlfriend round for 24th-26th. They had only been dating a month (friends beforehand) but for various reasons she had no one to spend Christmas with. She is a lovely girl and we all went out of our way to make her feel welcome. I got her a small gift too. They’re still together now.

It sounds like you wanted this Christmas to be all about you and your son and don’t want her there because of that which is not in the spirit of Christmas at all.

earthyfire · 18/11/2020 14:33

Of course I would welcome my siblings partner. I have been on the receiving end of new in-laws being unwelcoming and it strained the relationship for many years afterwards.

Whenwemeet · 18/11/2020 14:33

@Hm28 I should say we hadn’t met her before Christmas Eve so didn’t know her at all.

goldielockdown2 · 18/11/2020 14:34

I don't understand what this has to do with your baby?

Quirrelsotherface · 18/11/2020 14:34

Wouldn't want to spend Christmas day with someone I've never met before, especially after this shitty year. I just want to relax! YANBU

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/11/2020 14:34

Wait a moment.

Christmas is in your house and he hasn't said anything to you?

Your DH needs to take this in hand, his DB needs to work out what polite adulting means!

dairyswim · 18/11/2020 14:35

Yeah, you are being unreasonable.

You can't complain about him visiting your baby just twice (which to me sounds completely reasonable) and then use the fact you're not particularly close as reason for not wanting him and his girlfriend to come to Christmas. Relationships are a two way street.

Tbh I think a 6 month old is the perfect excuse to get out of hosting Christmas - trying to work nap time around Christmas dinner when your baby will not know or care that it's a special day.

Hellin301 · 18/11/2020 14:36

If you don’t want her there, then just say. If need be just say you aren’t comfortable with it due to covid at the minute but offer to meet her after Christmas.

Do think it’s a bit bizarre he hasn’t mentioned her much to you or asked himself if it would be okay for her to join

Spidey66 · 18/11/2020 14:38

I'm another who think's you're being precious. In case it had passed you by, we've been in a pandemic since before the baby was born, with restrictions on travelling and visiting others. I think seeing the baby twice in 6 months is doing well in those circumstances, tbh. I haven't seen my siblings and their children since February, and 2 of them live in the same city as me so same lockdown restrictions. It seems he's hoping that if a seasonal lockdown easing happens, he will take the opportunity to introduce his girlfriend to the family.

I get why you're excited about the baby's first Christmas, but the baby isn't going to know or care, really.

NiceandCalm · 18/11/2020 14:44

To be fair, if OP is hosting then it's a bit much of the brother to assume he can bring his new g/f? You just don't do that!
Just trying to imagine what my own Mum would say if I turned up on Xmas day with a new b/f, who she'd never met - and especially during these crazy Covid times. We'll all most likely go into Tier 3/4 and wont be able to have randoms round during Xmas anyway.

ImMoana · 18/11/2020 14:50

Yeah you lost me too at the part where you say it’s because you want all the attention to be on your new baby.

VulvaPerson · 18/11/2020 14:52

Well if you dont want her there on xmas day, don't have her there. I would meet up before/after though. Totally understand not wanting a stranger there on xmas, its stressful enough to begin with without also being on eggshells as meeting a newbie!

BlueThistles · 18/11/2020 14:52

Not a chance would my first meeting of someone be on Christmas Day...

al those days between here and there and he cannot be arsed to bring her round to be introduced.. so fuck that OP.. it's a NO from me...

if he had even attempted or made an effort ... then fair enough but he sounds like a a self absorbed Prick looking for a free meal for his GF...

meet her in the New Year and she can come next year 🎉🎄

VulvaPerson · 18/11/2020 14:53

OK should have read more..keep replying without reading the whole thread. IF its all about attention for the baby, then yeah YAB a bit U. Attention will be on the baby anyway.

Still though, you are entitled to say no, if its you hosting, for any reason. This one sounds a little petty though tbh!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/11/2020 14:56

Still though, you are entitled to say no, if its you hosting, for any reason. Maybe she would have, had she been asked!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/11/2020 15:01

Bit of a leap that because BIL is self involved the whole day will be about his partner?! If anything it means he'll be occupied with attention from her instead of looking for it elsewhere!

It's very odd to be so concerned with the attention not all being on your baby. I highly doubt a little one's parents, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc are going to pay more attention to someone's relatively new girlfriend than a baby they adore.

As for only seeing them twice in six months, that isn't exactly them being shit re contact considering lockdown is it?

This sounds like a mixture of PFB and a bit of territorial feeling. Of course you don't have to have anyone in your home you don't genuinely want there but BIL is going anyway and it sounds like you aren't a big fan of his - so just see her as a way of keeping him busy if you don't want to open up your home / the day to her any more than that!

Peppafrig · 18/11/2020 15:01

What the OP going to be like when he BIL has kids and the attention isn’t on hers. You sound like such hard work OP. You will find it hard when your kid goes to school and is just one kid out of hundreds ,

OchonAgusOchonO · 18/11/2020 15:05

It's not clear from your post if he is planning on bringing her to your house or mil's house for christmas. If it's your's, then he's a cf not to ask is it ok, if it's mil's house then it's up to her who she has there.

We regularly end up with strays and waifs who would otherwise be spending christmas on their own. This year, a friend of dd will be with us.

Some I have known reasonably well, some only slightly and one, I had never met before (a friend of my sis). I was always asked by the family member whose friend it was and there would have been no problem if I said no. I would not have been impressed with someone just assuming it was ok to turn up at my house with a guest I didn't know about.

Chailatte20 · 18/11/2020 15:07

Covid-19 and lockdown is your answer. Who knows what the situation will be in a December & it's likely that the lockdown will be extended. So I'd use the excuse of no households mixing & staying within your bubble not to host anybody. You don't want to put your baby at risk of catching covid-19 this Christmas.

Enjoy your first Christmas at home with your son.

BrummyMum1 · 18/11/2020 15:10

Either have a quiet Christmas with immediate family or don’t. Picking and choosing who can or can’t attend is where family disputes start.

Bluesheep8 · 18/11/2020 15:12

I think at least 3 people plus me have said we could still be in lockdown so it's hypothetical

Meltedchocholate · 18/11/2020 15:21

Your BIL is rude to invite her without asking you. So if you want her there, ask him if this what he intends to do as this is what you have heard, if you don’t want her there tell him she isn’t welcome. If your not close to your BIL then it shouldn’t bother you if he take offence.

For an uncle to see a nephew twice in 6 months (particularly a BIL who you are not close to and given we have been in lockdown for quite a number of months) that’s quite good.

Remember your babies first Christmas is only important to a small number of people (and I say that kindly)

You say your BIL is very self involved and will make the day all about his girlfriend......of course he will what do you expect , for him to make it all about you or your baby???? That would then make you self involved and what everything to be made about your baby, you, your husband???

Just decided what you want and deal with it instead of sitting with it festering in your mind.

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