Meeting girlfriend Christmas Day

[Hm28]

Husband’s brother (who has only bothered to visit my 6 month old twice since born) wants to bring his new girlfriend over for Christmas Day. We’ve never met her and only heard from relatives that he even has a new girlfriend. Only know he wants to bring her as I asked my MIL today and she said he plans to. Am I wrong to not want to join our family Christmas and the first with my son? I feel like it will take away from the day and I won’t be as relaxed as have a stranger in my house for the day. Not particularly close to my BIL and he’s very self involved so know they day will be all about her.
Obviously the is only if Covid restrictions allow!

I’m surprised by most of the responses.

I do think it’s weird to bring your gf to meet the family for the very first time on Xmas day. And extremely rude not to ask the host.

Completely agree that it’s awkward hosting someone you haven’t met (or even heard of), particularly if you’re not close to BIL.

Until he asks you or DH if she can come for Xmas, then she’s not coming. If MIL mentions it again just say “oh he’s not asked us if he can invite anyone so his plans must have changed”.

You sound like hardwork.

There are too many unknowns here. The visiting baby thing and not being introducing to new GF situation is probably because of Covid. Who is hosting? Is it at your home or your MIL's? Does BIL live with parents? Is he young?

Surely your husband has a say in this? Maybe BIL is planning to ask, but your MIL jumped the gun? I personally would never turn anyone away at Christmas.

Sorry but I would be the same as you OP. I wouldn’t want strangers in my family home at Christmas - I wouldn’t be able to relax, you have a certain comfortability around family and having a stranger there who isn’t family would be weird. If I was you I wouldn’t even go tbf. Afterall the gf has a family of her own she can go to 😌

who has only bothered to visit my 6 month old twice since born

Er, lockdown? He wasn't allowed to surely?

"Am I wrong to not want to join our family Christmas and the first with my son? I feel like it will take away from the day "

And this is why Christmas for so many people is a whole load of unnecessary stress and misery.

You sound mean-spirited and unwelcoming (you are probably not but you sound it) . This could be your future sister in law, and mother to your baby's cousins.

I've opened my home to all sorts of people Xmas, newly divorced neighbours, partner and kids of pal who is a nurse who was working Xmas day, lady who volunteered at project I ran who would have been alone otherwise, friend who had fallen out with their parents and their new boyfriend who I'd never met, and once, 2 Ukranian students who couldn't get home for Xmas (and who DH and I had met in the pub 2 nights before). Those were among the best Christmasses.

It's rude of him not to ask if he can bring her, if they aren't enough of a couple that you'd just assume she'd come along, but I don't think it's strange to bring someone to a Christmas gathering as their first meeting, especially in a year where presumably there have been fewer gatherings from which to choose.

I'm not sure how he can make the day all about her. He can tell everyone things about her, I suppose. Well, make a polite response and then tell everyone something about your baby, or steer the conversation in whatever other direction you think it should be going.

You sound a bit hard work and precious OP.

“Have only visited ds twice in 6 months” 🤨 there is a pandemic and lockdown so it’s pretty tricky to visit people?

If you don’t want his girl friend to come then it’s likely he will chose his girlfriend over visiting you (I know I would) so you won’t get to see him over Christmas. Why is Christmas Day and different to meeting her any other day? What has ‘your child’s first Christmas’ got to do with it? Your ds won’t know what day it is?

I met my husband's family for the first time at Christmas and stayed overnight. He had three sisters and I would hate to think they thought they were hosting a "stranger". I was their brother's girlfriend of 7 months at the time. Also, a PP earlier said she has her own family to visit- do we know that? Maybe she has no where to go.

We've spent 6 months in lockdown/visiting restrictions so 2 visits is plenty

A very good point!

I feel like it will take away from the day

This is ridiculous.

This could be your future sister in law, and mother to your baby's cousins

True, but she could also be gone before the turkey leftovers. My answer would be based on who is hosting, I think it is rude to invite another person when hosted by someone else without asking them first.

I love a good christmas thread.

Yes this woman is satanic and out to upstage your 6 month old.
Your brother in law is an evil evil man for only crossing your threshold twice during a pandemic to see his kindred. He should have around weekly as any other good uncle would have done.
Naturally not centring you and your offspring in his life is him being self absorbed. Every other single man, just starting a new, serious and important relationship would put their dearly beloved nephew first, indulging him with gifts and declarations of how amazing and lifechanging his arrival is.
Your expectation of your son's first christmas being one full of snow on christmas day and the heraldic sound of angels instead of grumbles about making dinner and there being fuck all on the tv are perfectly realistic.
This woman is obviously a cuckoo about to invade and take over the family, because she's deliberately chosen your son's first christmas to ruin.
Its perfectly natural to be this uptight around a stranger we don't know because 'christmas day', and are incapable of just going 'oh fuck it, as long as he's happy, thats one less person I have to entertain'.
You are obviously the most approachable member of the family and aren't at all prickly. Your MIL has not been asked to test the waters with the difficult precious SIL by her son...

Also your husband doesn't appear to feature in whether he might want his brother for Christmas. I'm left wondering if he dares to have an opinion.

What do you mean by his see the baby twice in 6 months?

Haven’t we been on lockdown for the beat part of 6-8 months?

As for you not wanting to meet your BIL’s girlfriend. I think you sound childish honestly. Sounds like you don’t want the attention to be taken from you and your baby. Childish and so insecure

I think you're being unfair to be honest.

Everyone has to meet their partner's family for the first time at some point and I actually have sympathy for his gf that she's having to do it on such a high profile occasion.

I am also guessing she may not have anywhere else to go otherwise she probably wouldn't have agreed. Your BIL has every right to ask his partner to join him for Christmas.

We'll probably still be in lockdown at Christmas anyway

But OP doesn't know her! What if she turns up naked with her bush died green? Won't she take the spot light off PFB?

Babies are boring to most people other than the parent, why does it matter it’s his first Christmas? Sorry but you sound the one who is self adsorbed OP.

He definitely should have checked with you if he could invite her. However, not sure if this is the case with him, but could he have invited her as she can't travel to family and he doesn't want her to be alone?

I say this, as my family live in another continent and sometimes I can't always travel to see them, especially this year. And I've had a few friends offer to host me on xmas day (if no restrictions) as I'd be completely alone otherwise. I also have a very new bf and I haven't met his mother yet but he was mentioning he could have me over, for the same reason.

Still, I imagine all my friends/bf would ask the host first before inviting me..

@positivelynegative

But OP doesn't know her! What if she turns up naked with her bush died green? Won't she take the spot light off PFB?

Fucking hell that'd be an epic christmas you'd want to be there for. And to tell tales about for years to come. Especially since she did it in front of the chosen child!

Look - if it’s your house, you have every right to say she can’t come. But think of the long game here. If you do, your BIL will be cross. She will feel unwelcome and will think you and your DH are hostile to her. Your MIL will feel in the middle and think you’re difficult. If the girlfriend then becomes his wife and then they have kids (your child’s cousin), that’s not the best dynamic to start with. If you have her over, there’s another adult to help out and BIL is presumably likely to be on his best behaviour. Why any of this should take any focus away from the baby, I have no idea.

I voted YABU. This girl might be really nice and he likes her enough to ask her. I have to echo what some people said how I never really was into kids or got the whole babies and Christmas fuss myself until I had kids so that's probably why he doesn't visit loads and he's busy I imagine. My partener invited me to his family Christmas which fell 3 months after we first started dating. My family don't live in England and I couldn't fly home to see them as I was working Xmas eve boxing day. At start I was like no I would be intruding wise up but it sure did beat a Christmas alone and this girl may be feeling like she's intruding too but probably loves your BIL so is making the effort. I reckon you will have a nice day with covid restrictions allowing this to all go ahead

I think you sound quite self involved... Sorry.

Yabu.

Well how the fuck does someone join your family

You're being weird and your baby won't care

The BIL is an adult, right? And you and MIL are discussing your husband's brother's plans without any involvement from the husband, or the brother?