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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting girlfriend Christmas Day

213 replies

Hm28 · 18/11/2020 12:28

Husband’s brother (who has only bothered to visit my 6 month old twice since born) wants to bring his new girlfriend over for Christmas Day. We’ve never met her and only heard from relatives that he even has a new girlfriend. Only know he wants to bring her as I asked my MIL today and she said he plans to. Am I wrong to not want to join our family Christmas and the first with my son? I feel like it will take away from the day and I won’t be as relaxed as have a stranger in my house for the day. Not particularly close to my BIL and he’s very self involved so know they day will be all about her.
Obviously the is only if Covid restrictions allow!

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 18/11/2020 15:30

Im not interpreting OP's origin post the same as some others .. 🤔

I'm reading that OP wants to enjoy her first Christmas with her baby.. surrounded by close family .. enjoying baby first Christmas... I don't see anything wrong with this wish 🎄

instead.. again my interpretation.. OP now has someone she has never met before ... coming to her home.. whereby instead of being able to relax... she feels obligated to focus on the 'new gf' instead of simply enjoying the day with her new baby.,,

YANBU OP... I would say no to the guest coming 🌺

user1493494961 · 18/11/2020 15:31

I suppose it depends on how many households will be allowed to mix.

SueEllenMishke · 18/11/2020 15:36

I met my now husband's family for the first time on Christmas Day .... thankfully they were happy for him and very welcoming.

BeeDavis · 18/11/2020 15:49

You’re pathetic. End of.

OffredOfjune · 18/11/2020 15:52

Stupid. So you won't organise a visit before Christmas, but also don't want her there on Christmas because you'll have never of met her? Right...

Grow up. Poor woman.

BlueThistles · 18/11/2020 15:53

I met my now husband's family for the first time on Christmas Day .... thankfully they were happy for him and very welcoming.

was there also a global pandemic... 2m restrictions everywhere... face masks needing to be worn... fears of catching infection from everyone and anyone.. limits on numbers of family members meeting mixing... and then... a new born child at the heart of the day ... 🤔 I think times have changed ever so slightly from your own 'welcoming' experience yes ? 🌺

Artesia · 18/11/2020 15:58

Maybe tell her there’s no room at the inn. Offer her some space in the shed round the back. Seems in the spirit of the season.....peace and goodwill to all men.

OffredOfjune · 18/11/2020 16:00

@BlueThistles

I met my now husband's family for the first time on Christmas Day .... thankfully they were happy for him and very welcoming.

was there also a global pandemic... 2m restrictions everywhere... face masks needing to be worn... fears of catching infection from everyone and anyone.. limits on numbers of family members meeting mixing... and then... a new born child at the heart of the day ... 🤔 I think times have changed ever so slightly from your own 'welcoming' experience yes ? 🌺

What has the pandemic got to do with this? Hmm OP never said it was an issue; she only mentioned it to say that this gathering pended on restrictions being eased.
sophandbridge · 18/11/2020 16:00

(who has only bothered to visit my 6 month old twice since born

I'd say that was considerate in the context we find ourselves in.

olivesnutsandcheese · 18/11/2020 16:01

Get DH to call his brother and say something along the lines of we're really looking forward to DCs first Christmas, mum mentioned you want to bring someone, any chance you're going to tell me about her first?

OffredOfjune · 18/11/2020 16:03

@RedToothBrush

I love a good christmas thread.

Yes this woman is satanic and out to upstage your 6 month old.
Your brother in law is an evil evil man for only crossing your threshold twice during a pandemic to see his kindred. He should have around weekly as any other good uncle would have done.
Naturally not centring you and your offspring in his life is him being self absorbed. Every other single man, just starting a new, serious and important relationship would put their dearly beloved nephew first, indulging him with gifts and declarations of how amazing and lifechanging his arrival is.
Your expectation of your son's first christmas being one full of snow on christmas day and the heraldic sound of angels instead of grumbles about making dinner and there being fuck all on the tv are perfectly realistic.
This woman is obviously a cuckoo about to invade and take over the family, because she's deliberately chosen your son's first christmas to ruin.
Its perfectly natural to be this uptight around a stranger we don't know because 'christmas day', and are incapable of just going 'oh fuck it, as long as he's happy, thats one less person I have to entertain'.
You are obviously the most approachable member of the family and aren't at all prickly. Your MIL has not been asked to test the waters with the difficult precious SIL by her son...

Also your husband doesn't appear to feature in whether he might want his brother for Christmas. I'm left wondering if he dares to have an opinion.

😂 Spot on.
timeforanewstart · 18/11/2020 16:04

So how would op feel then if bil declined the invitation as not extended to his girlfriend and went to his mums as she might not want to see one son on his own
How will your bil girlfriend destract from your babies first xmas , you don't know he has a girlfriend as he hasn't told you , so you obviously haven't spoken to each other , does your dh know maybe , has he spoken to his brother , how does he feel is he bothered ?

BlueThistles · 18/11/2020 16:05

What has the pandemic got to do with this?  OP never said it was an issue; she only mentioned it to say that this gathering pended on restrictions being eased.

Of course it's an issue... restrictions/tiers are changing all the time... 🌺

timeforanewstart · 18/11/2020 16:08

Also op only knows the brother plans to bring girlfriend aa asked mil direct , maybe bil hasn't mentioned or asked yet as he doesn't know what the rules will be at xmas and plans to ask nearer the time

LuaDipa · 18/11/2020 16:09

Can’t comment on your bill or the situation as I don’t know him, but I have only seen my much loved dn age 10 months 5 times, and only once since the first lockdown. We live quite far away and have deliberately kept our distance now our dc are back at school as we don’t want to put dn at risk. We won’t see them over Christmas either, again to protect dn. I am so very sad about this but it’s not about me.

timeforanewstart · 18/11/2020 16:09

@BlueThistles but that wasn't what op was concerned about and could explain why bil hasn't asked yet as he isn't even sure if it will go ahead

BlueThistles · 18/11/2020 16:15

but that wasn't what op was concerned about and could explain why bil hasn't asked yet as he isn't even sure if it will go ahead

and I agree with this ... time will tell....

my point was to the poster who wrote

I met my now husband's family for the first time on Christmas Day .... thankfully they were happy for him and very welcoming.

whether OP is concerned or not... times are very different now... and as such.. welcoming a 'newbie' into tue home should be treated with Covid caution 🌺

Figgyboa · 18/11/2020 16:27

@AlexisIsMySpiritAnimal

You're upset that a grown woman will take the spotlight off your little diddums. I suggest you grow up.
This! Plus why do you keep referring to it as 'your' son and not 'our' son (you and your DH)? Your whole tone reeks of self centeredness....
MissConductUS · 18/11/2020 16:35

Show hospitality to one another without grumbling (1 Peter 4:9).

Grin It is Christmas.

Whenwemeet · 18/11/2020 16:40

@BlueThistles I’m not sure you understand how covid works? Even if girlfriend doesn’t come if she’s been with the BIL in the run up and potentially even Christmas Day morning then form a covid perspective having him there on his own is the same as having them both there. Unless you’re expecting the BIL to isolate from his own partner for the two weeks prior to Christmas Day????

OffredOfjune · 18/11/2020 16:43

@BlueThistles

What has the pandemic got to do with this?  OP never said it was an issue; she only mentioned it to say that this gathering pended on restrictions being eased.

Of course it's an issue... restrictions/tiers are changing all the time... 🌺

Well it's not an issue in her OP.
BlueThistles · 18/11/2020 17:19

I’m not sure you understand how covid works? Even if girlfriend doesn’t come if she’s been with the BIL in the run up and potentially even Christmas Day morning then form a covid perspective having him there on his own is the same as having them both there. Unless you’re expecting the BIL to isolate from his own partner for the two weeks prior to Christmas Day????

I wouldn't be having either of them round tbh 🌺

BlueThistles · 18/11/2020 18:27

Well it's not an issue in her OP.

which is a surprise ... because I'd be more cautious about this tbh 🌺

MrsDThomas · 18/11/2020 18:50

Stop being so precious. Your kid isn't any wiser who is there or whether santa has been.

Me merry and giver her wine. She’s probably nervous as hell

Ginfordinner · 18/11/2020 19:32

I think there are a few of issues here.

First of all, I agree that it is unrealistic to expect your BIL to have any interest in your baby. In my experience men are simply not interested other people’s babies, even if it is family. This is also the case with many women.

Second of all a first Christmas with a baby is over-rated, sorry. It gets much more interesting when they are old enough to understand what is happening. Having extra visitors will not take away from the day, I can assure you.

Thirdly, why are you hosting when you have a baby to care for? Why can’t your in-laws do Christmas?

Fourthly, maybe the new girlfriend is important and might be your future sister in-law, and being hostile towards her is not the best start.

And lastly, your MIL was very rude to assume that she could invite a couple mor people to Christmas at your house without asking you first.