Meeting girlfriend Christmas Day

[Hm28]

Husband’s brother (who has only bothered to visit my 6 month old twice since born) wants to bring his new girlfriend over for Christmas Day. We’ve never met her and only heard from relatives that he even has a new girlfriend. Only know he wants to bring her as I asked my MIL today and she said he plans to. Am I wrong to not want to join our family Christmas and the first with my son? I feel like it will take away from the day and I won’t be as relaxed as have a stranger in my house for the day. Not particularly close to my BIL and he’s very self involved so know they day will be all about her.
Obviously the is only if Covid restrictions allow!

We've spent 6 months in lockdown/visiting restrictions so 2 visits is plenty - most blokes a especially when they are not the father - find newborns pretty boring you know?! 🤷‍♀️

Why are you hosting PIL etc on Xmas day if you wanted a quiet family one? Get them to host and you be the visitor

Perhaps he's been struggling in lockdown on his own and with rules likely to be relaxed for a few days wants to see his girlfriend 🤷‍♀️

So you want all focus on you and the baby, that’s really what it boils down to and is very childish. Make her welcome and act like an adult, let’s face it babies are really boring anyway so it might be nice to have someone else around.

You come across very unwelcoming and as a pp said you were the new girlfriend once.

She is taking the shine away from your PFB isn’t she. 🙄

Going against the tide, I think it's very rude to not ask the people you're going to for Christmas if it's ok to bring someone else, and tell a third party that you "intend to' bring them!

Do the in laws come to you every year? Can you take a break this year given Covid?

Think about it a different way- if BIL is usually quite self involved isn’t there a chance he’ll go out of his way to impress the new girlfriend with what a great relationship he has with his family and how generous he is with their gifts?

I would take all the adults you can on Christmas Day, a small baby does not always make an idyllic Christmas. Our first one with dc was spent driving him around in the car trying to get him to sleep!! We took it in turns!!

You do realise that the girlfriend has been socialised to be polite about babies and families, right?

I’d put higher odds on the girlfriend than the baby’s uncle, for turning up with a, “baby’s first Xmas” bauble, a present, and a polite show of interest in having cuddles.

If you want attention for your baby, bet you get more from her than him!

Absolutely no way....so BIL hasn't even bothered to ask you? Rude as fuck.
There's no way I'd spend Christmas day with someone I didn't know and with the BIL I don't particularly like.
Have you actually invited BIL Christmas day?

peacescariad I suppose there is a chance the OP’s partner likes his brother and wants him there. It’s his Christmas too.

peachescariad

Yes, an extra pair of hands for the day will probably be useful.

Adults who are precious about their baby's relationships with other people are just an advanced stage of that sort of friend who thinks that you should be friends with their new friends at university.

Until your baby can say Christmas, they aren't interested in it.

OP, you sound like hard work. Christmas is a time for families and reaching out to others. I would be welcoming of the new GF in the spirit of Xmas.

This is ridiculous - if this is how self absorbed you are then no wonder he’s only visited twice.

I really don't understand this thread.

If its your house and your're hosting, it's simple; she hasn't been invited anyway so of course she's not coming. Make sure the brother knows that.
If its not your house and you're not hosting, its not your business.

What else is there to say?

I think because you don’t like bil you’re trying to create an issue where there doesn’t need to be one. If you decided to have Christmas just the three of you that would be one thing, but inviting him and trying to exclude the girlfriend isn’t very kind.

My baby was just over 6 months last Christmas. She had no idea it was Christmas and other than enjoying playing with wrapping paper she couldn’t have cared less. It’s been a rubbish year for everyone, I would let her come and be welcoming. Twice in 6 months isn’t bad either. My PILs maybe saw our child 3 times or so in her first 6 months and there was no lockdown and they only live 20 minutes drive away. But like others have said newborns aren’t that exciting for people other than the parents unfortunately. But I’m sure everyone will still be excited & happy to share in your baby’s first Christmas, but try to remember it’s a day for everyone to enjoy too, not just the baby.

He should mention it to you/ask but frankly you're being quite extreme and mean. If he's in an important relationship and wants to spend Xmas with the family then that's good....

Newborns are quite boring and with covid and lockdown I don't see how he could have "bothered" that much to visit especially if he generally gets the frosty reception you're putting out.

I’m guessing you don’t like BIL and you’re mad he’s only visited the baby twice. But we have been in lockdown and to be honest, a baby is lovely and all but not going to be the centre of everyone’s universe.
Baby won’t even know what day of the week it is. They can’t do all the Christmas bits older children can. They won’t even play really. It’s just another day with a baby.
Personally I wouldn’t mind. She’s not just some random off the street. Does your DH echo your sentiments about his brother?

Suggest your BIL and his girlfriend pop round to one of the pp on this thread who just can't understand why you might not want to host a stranger on Christmas Day?? Sounds like they're up for hosting anyone who fancies coming along whether they're invited, known to them or not .

Of course YANBU.

Baby's first Christmas is over-rated. They don't care what day it is, they can't open their presents and get excited about Santa.

So I'd say welcome her into your home, it's what Christmas is about.

You might even like her!

It’s completely up to you but it strikes me you are being incredibly unwelcoming to a potential new member of the family which is incredibly rude IMO and quite disrespectful to your DH. It sounds like your reasoning is because you want it to all be about you and your baby, you want all attention on you and baby and are unwilling to share the ‘spotlight’. It is unfortunate as I would think a new baby was the perfect time to create stronger family relations particularly in this time.

Personally I would welcome my siblings partners
You sound very precious

You're making a tit of yourself. Your baby won't have the first idea that it's Christmas, and why do you think your BIL should be visiting in a pandemic lock down? Babies that aren't your own are incredibly boring. You just don't like BIL & you've no idea what GF is like, but seem to think she should have been presented to you like a deb.

ummarkedthat Would you really be so unwelcoming with a siblings partner? Everyone is a stranger until you get to know them.

The spirit of Christmas lives on. 🎄

We’ve invited my son’s new lodger. We don’t want him to be on his own. We often invite other people.
Maybe she will be on her own on Christmas Day and he thought you were kind enough not to mind. It’s a shame he was mistaken.

If you had said it was due to Covid then that is a bit different.