Meeting girlfriend Christmas Day

[Hm28]

Husband’s brother (who has only bothered to visit my 6 month old twice since born) wants to bring his new girlfriend over for Christmas Day. We’ve never met her and only heard from relatives that he even has a new girlfriend. Only know he wants to bring her as I asked my MIL today and she said he plans to. Am I wrong to not want to join our family Christmas and the first with my son? I feel like it will take away from the day and I won’t be as relaxed as have a stranger in my house for the day. Not particularly close to my BIL and he’s very self involved so know they day will be all about her.
Obviously the is only if Covid restrictions allow!

Mumsnet is so weird about babies. Most people I know actually aren’t completely indifferent to their nieces and nephews, and personally I think it’s a bit dysfunctional if they are.

OP, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s bloody rude if you’re hosting and he hasn’t asked if he can bring her but is just assuming he can. That’s a total lack of basic manners. I expect that’s colouring your view of everything, and it’s no wonder.

I would also be concerned about having someone I didn’t know around, especially with a baby. I trust my family and know they’ve been sensible about following COVID rules and are therefore low risk to have around a baby, but you can’t be sure that someone you don’t know would be the same.

I think the reason you’ve whipped up the vipers is because any time anyone on mumsnet suggests that their baby might be anything other than the world’s most tedious thing, MNers love to pile on and crow that nobody other than a new parent could possibly be even remotely interested in their baby. I think that’s colouring the responses, because in the real world someone bringing an uninvited guest to a family Christmas is universally recognised as rude and unwelcome.

Your six month old will neither know nor care who else is coming.

I only met my brothers 2nd daughter when she was 3. I'm not arsed about kids, they're not that exciting. Maybe your brother in law just doesn't see kids as a massive deal?
If it's your house you can always say sorry but our first family Christmas is special so the new missus can't come or if it isn't your house, you don't make the rules. Try to be nice though because todays girlfriend could be next years sister in law who makes the Christmas dinner and she'll remember this time.

@Shoxfordian

How many times was it even possible to see you all with covid and lockdown? Babies are not particularly interesting either to anyone who isn't one of the parents

Yabu

This. Sorry, I just don't get why anyone would visit a six month old. He's obviously not into other people's babies, and that's okay.

@Silverstripe

Mumsnet is so weird about babies. Most people I know actually aren’t completely indifferent to their nieces and nephews, and personally I think it’s a bit dysfunctional if they are.

OP, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s bloody rude if you’re hosting and he hasn’t asked if he can bring her but is just assuming he can. That’s a total lack of basic manners. I expect that’s colouring your view of everything, and it’s no wonder.

I would also be concerned about having someone I didn’t know around, especially with a baby. I trust my family and know they’ve been sensible about following COVID rules and are therefore low risk to have around a baby, but you can’t be sure that someone you don’t know would be the same.

I think the reason you’ve whipped up the vipers is because any time anyone on mumsnet suggests that their baby might be anything other than the world’s most tedious thing, MNers love to pile on and crow that nobody other than a new parent could possibly be even remotely interested in their baby. I think that’s colouring the responses, because in the real world someone bringing an uninvited guest to a family Christmas is universally recognised as rude and unwelcome.

Yes, people love their nieces and nephews but seeing them twice during a PANDEMIC is reasonable enough- you weren’t even allowed to mix households until three months in. 🙄

You’re being a bit uncharitable aren’t you? Unless there’s some massive backstory.

OP, you've carefully omitted who is hosting from your OP! If your MIL/PIL is hosting then you're being very precious and PFB.

Tbh I think it will be harder on her than on you, she wont know anyone!
I would happily include her, if you are hosting you are within your rights to say she isnt invited but if you do bil is unlikely not to come ( sounds like you wouldn't care anyway!) and it could cause a rift if relationship becomes serious and long-term. Depending on relationship and geographical location I don't think BIL isiting twice in 6 month's is that neglectful particularly during pandemic, tbh men often arent that interested in other peoples kids including nieces and nephews, I think you are being a bit precious, theres no way GF will take focus away from.your baby and your baby won't know it's xmas anyway

You haven't even mentioned how your husband feels about this?

Yabu

Not exactly the in the spirit of Christmas is it?

I know your baby is all consuming to you, not so much to others tbh.

Just to add another perspective onto this. I live alone with my DS, and my parents live overseas. So, very kindly my aunt and uncle have said- if the rules permit- that we join them for Christmas dinner, with my cousin who is a similar age to me.

And they've invited my new boyfriend- who is on his year "off" Christmas from his dc, so would otherwise be home alone for Christmas. It has made the pair of us feel so touched by their generosity! I am very grateful to have such nice relatives it would seem, who are so willing to throw their doors open to a stranger- partly (I presume) because they know that it will make me happy too to have him there!

And a visit twice is 6 months during a pandemic is plenty.

How many times have you taken the baby to visit him?

@stackemhigh

OP, you've carefully omitted who is hosting from your OP! If your MIL/PIL is hosting then you're being very precious and PFB.

OP says she doesn't want a stranger in her house, so it's pretty clear who is hosting. OP is still BU though.

Twice in six months during a time when we weren't allowed out for three months means that he's seen your baby once every six weeks. I'd consider that pretty good going from anyone in my family.

If you don't want to her her there then have a small Christmas just you and your DH and child. But if it's a family Christmas then people have a right to invite those who are important to them. I doubt you asked if you would be allowed to bring the baby(!)

Your BIL should have asked you first before he invited his girlfriend. And I can understand why you would feel uncomfortable having a stranger in your home.
However, it's not unreasonable he's only visited twice in 6 months. Most people have only visited their family a handful of times this year.
I do think you have an idea on how baby's first christmas should be, and the reality is that it's much less magical than you would expect.
Have you considered having a Christmas with just your household and no in laws if you want a special baby's first Christmas day?
I remember a few christmases with my new partners or my brothers new partners. And I remember my stepdad's first Christmas with us. Everyone was made to feel welcome and we all still had a lovely day. It might be the thought of it is worse than the reality.

Is it your house? If so, YANBU to say that it’s rude of him not to ask if he can bring a guest.

However, your OP reads like you’re worried that the focus will not be on your baby and on a new girlfriend rather than any other concerns. That does seem a bit silly. She might be perfectly nice and good fun to have around. I’m trying to be kind but you’re coming off unreasonable for not wanting your baby to share the limelight with a new GF. FWIW she’s probably feeling relieved that there will be a new baby to focus on to stop it feeling so awkward for her and like she’s on the spot.

Personally, I would’ve thought twice in 6 months was quite good going given the circumstances, but only you know your family’s usual routines and if this is “off”. My DH has a new nephew this year and we haven’t seen him at all because it’s too far to travel in the current restrictions - DH is not ambivalent towards said baby but we have to be sensible.

Are you worried she will steal your limelight

But Christmas is the time when people do get together with family they haven't seen much for the rest of the year.
It would be odd to say we only want to see people we see all the time.

He told his mum he 'plans to'

So that probably means he also plans to ask first. It's only November 18th and what with the uncertainty about COVID restrictions, it's understandable that he hasn't got round to asking yet.

Assuming CV restrictions allow it:
I think yabu.
We invited my widowed DM’s new ‘man friend’.
It was fine, it made DM happy and although he was a stranger he didn’t murder us over the Christmas pudding.

Whose house is it being hosted at?
If it's yours then it is rather rude BIL has assumed you'd cater for her without an invitation. But remember you were also the new girlfriend once...
If it's at your IL's then YABU.

You sound hard work. Hopefully your BIL and his girlfriend get to have a lovely Christmas elsewhere.

Try to be a bit more optimistic and welcoming. What ever happened to 'the more the merrier' (it obviously had a different meaning in pre-COVID times!)?
Seriously though - cheer up. Invite her over. She might become a good friend

And you say your brother is very self-involved? I think a reality check is in order here.

Oh well, look on the bright side OP, if she gets more attention than the baby you can convince yourself that she stole all the limelight from your baby, rather than the truth which is likely that nobody really cares that much about babies who aren’t theirs.

Apart from a quick hello and “oh isn’t he cuuute” babies are pretty dull really.

I had one of my own once and loved him. Other people’s however, not so much.....