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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

(bride) AIBU to be really hurt by this?

217 replies

onedayillbeamillionairemaybe · 31/10/2020 13:05

Sisters wedding is narrowed down to 15 people.

I am MOH.

It was in December and has now be delayed a couple of months.

She has just announced a new date for end of Feb and I am away on that date on a non-refundable very expensive trip, I booked with a friend. I haven't been away in 4 years.

I don't know what to do.

I am 100% certain all family will expect me to be there. I wouldn't want to miss it but if I lost all that money I had saved up for a holiday I would be very resentful.

I also font think my friend (who I would have to let down) would be the most please and would feel betrayed

OP posts:
MahMahMahMahCorona · 31/10/2020 13:08

Oh goodness OP that's tricky. Did DS know of your planned holiday dates?

MahMahMahMahCorona · 31/10/2020 13:08

*DSis...

Zoecarter · 31/10/2020 13:11

Just explain you can’t do that date. Before I booked my wedding I checked that my brothers and parents where free x

KarmaStar · 31/10/2020 13:13

Of she's only just put forward the date then ask her if it can be changed.If it's booked,confirmed and paid for them it absolutely has to be your decision as down the line there will be either regrets or resentments and you have to decide which one you can live with.
Hopefully you can speak to your ds and change the date.good luck.

Original poster
onedayillbeamillionairemaybe · 31/10/2020 13:13

she knew I had a holiday planned but maybe not the specific dates.

I have now told her that I have a holiday planned for the date and she has said 'thats a problem' and then changed the subject

OP posts:
SnoozyBoozy · 31/10/2020 13:13

Was your sister aware of the date or check with you first? I imagine if she was rearranging her date she would have checked her guests could do the new date... I'd be inclined to have a chat with your sister and explain and see how she takes it.

cheeseismydownfall · 31/10/2020 13:14

With such a small wedding it seems bizarre that your sister didn't check the date with guests first.

Personally I don't think you should let your friend down.

SnoozyBoozy · 31/10/2020 13:15

Sorry, cross posted. Well if she has a problem then she should talk it through with you rather than change the subject!! Nothings going to get solved by being stroppy but not talking about it.

PinkiOcelot · 31/10/2020 13:16

I wouldn’t be cancelling my pre-planned trip for a 1 day wedding. Sister or not.
She doesn’t sound very accommodating given your last post.

WarmSausageTea · 31/10/2020 13:16

If I was you, your sister’s response would make me less likely to cancel the holiday.

burnoutbabe · 31/10/2020 13:17

well i wouldn't assume you will be allowed to go on holiday (if abroad) so i'd hold tight and see what happens nearer the time as you may be there at wedding (if UK and allowed) so it might not be a problem anyway.

at this point you don't need to do anything i assume? both events may be cancelled/postponed.

Veterinari · 31/10/2020 13:18

You need to tell her clearly that you have a non-refundable holiday booked not just 'planned'

Chloemol · 31/10/2020 13:20

I would be going on the holiday , the date has been booked for a long time, it’s non negotiable

I would be advising your family now that your sister has chosen a date you simply can’t make, it’s been precooked for xx months, as she is aware

TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 31/10/2020 13:22

I'd tell her again, with emphasis on the fact that it's nonrefundable, you haven't had a holiday in 4 years, and you can't let your friends down when it's been arranged for so long. She needs to give you an answer! More than just a noncommittal comment on the situation.

BigFatLiar · 31/10/2020 13:23

Go on your holiday.

KiposWonderbeasts · 31/10/2020 13:23

I’d choose a he holiday over the wedding in a heartbeat. You can’t let your friend down like that.

Your sister can easily reschedule if she wants you as MOH.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 31/10/2020 13:24

Are you in the uk? Do you think your holiday is still likely to go ahead? Its really awful of her to put you in this position.
You cant cancel the holiday and let your friend down, so I'd look at other options first before confirming anything, including calling the holiday company and asking to pay to change dates or something, look into flying back and forth if it's short haul to leave your friend for a couple of days on the holiday, and see if you can speak to your friend and either of you find any other friend that would want to buy your holiday off you if you are allowed to change the name (check you can change the name first).
At least if you then can't make the wedding you can show you've done x y and z first to try and make it

RealBecca · 31/10/2020 13:26

Just go on holiday. It's not that big if a deal.

ZigZaggyZoo · 31/10/2020 13:27

Ugh. This is tough. If be really upset if I were you and I completely understand those saying still go. However, do you really want to miss the memories you would get from being at your sister's wedding? Don't envy your position. I can imagine your sister may be stressed if she's had to change her date. Can you sit down and have a good chat?

ZombieAttack · 31/10/2020 13:27

Your sister’s response makes me think you should go on holiday!

Also who knows what’s going to happen between now and then, you may not be able to go. But you have a non refundable holiday, it’s hardly fair on you or your friend, she should have checked.

TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 31/10/2020 13:27

Your family will be very unreasonable if they don't understand that you're not at fault here. Your sister should have checked the date with everyone first. Failing that, she needs to change the date or accept that you won't be there, assuming your trip isn't cancelled because of covid-19.

canigooutyet · 31/10/2020 13:28

If both can go ahead, I would chose the holiday.

If she knew you were going around that time, she silly not to have checked before re-booking.

EL8888 · 31/10/2020 13:28

Unfortunately l think it’s a non-issue as l doubt either will go ahead. A friend of mine has just had to reschedule her wedding planned for February

WhySoSensitive · 31/10/2020 13:29

Go on the holiday.
To me it’s a case of ‘it was booked (and payed for!) first’ 😂

MiddlesexGirl · 31/10/2020 13:29

I might be a bit more forgiving of the sister - she perhaps didn't give a thought to people being away and when put on the spot simply said the truth. That doesn't mean she's not going to do anything about it. So I'd hold tight a few days and give your sister time to think things through and change (hopefully) the date.

If she doesn't I'd go on the holiday and try to do something separately with your sister (and perhaps her df).

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