(bride) AIBU to be really hurt by this?

[onedayillbeamillionairemaybe]

Sisters wedding is narrowed down to 15 people.

I am MOH.

It was in December and has now be delayed a couple of months.

She has just announced a new date for end of Feb and I am away on that date on a non-refundable very expensive trip, I booked with a friend. I haven't been away in 4 years.

I don't know what to do.

I am 100% certain all family will expect me to be there. I wouldn't want to miss it but if I lost all that money I had saved up for a holiday I would be very resentful.

I also font think my friend (who I would have to let down) would be the most please and would feel betrayed

there is a big chance either would be cancelled but I think it's more likely that both will go ahead

Your trip will be refundable by feb as you wont be travelling anywhere. just sit it out

She may not have had a huge amount of freedom around moving it... we moved ours twice this year and eventually did it in August, but we had a choice of two dates. The registrars were massively booked up, and we had to work with the venue, too.

Do you have any flexibility for holiday dates, or are they set? Is it to somewhere that’s likely to be open?

I agree that it’s very likely the February trip will not go ahead. It’s only three months away now and there is no sign of CV easing up atm.

I'd go on the holiday too ( if allowed) rather than let friend down

Holiday!

I'm definitely #TeamHoliday - but I'm not a big fan of weddings.

If she didn't check with you first, that's her look out, who does that?
It's your decision, I guess.
I'd be going on the holiday, not your friends fault your dsis didn't check first.

You need to tell you sister ASAP that the holiday is booked and paid for. She might not realise this. Probably not too late to re-re arrange the wedding and silly of her not to check with the bridal party first, if not all 15 guests.

she has said 'thats a problem' and then changed the subject

Yes. To put it more exactly, it's her problem. One which she could very easily have avoided, and similarly is quite free to try to resolve by communicating like an adult rather than shutting down the topic of conversation.

Unfortunately some brides seem to believe the world begins and ends with their wedding, and that their wants should always be accommodated no matter what the inconvenience or competing wants/needs of other people. The holiday was booked first: good manners dictate that you commit to your first acceptance and don't cancel arrangements when another offer - whether or not it's being couched as an 'obligation' - comes along.

Are you guessing my response to your conundrum is a resounding YANBU? To me there is no contest as to whose loyalties should take precedence here.

Your sister’s response makes me think you should go on holiday

I agree with this. I'd go on the holiday too.

Go on the holiday. I imagine you're already spending money for her wedding ... losing all your holiday money shouldn't be an additional price.

She should have checked the dates with you, her sister AND maid of honor.

Her response was ridiculous as well. Wish her well and tell her if your holiday can go ahead, that's where you'll be.

You can't let your friend down assuming the holiday is still a possibility. The wedding will be over in an hour and it's really not that important to anyone but the couple.

I’d go on the holiday , it’s unfortunate but your sister should have checked the date was ok with everyone after all it’s not that many people she had to ask .

She's an self obsessed idiot.

You don't book a date change without checking the people you want there are free.

Tell her once (again) that you are away that date, so she either needs a new MOH or a date change.

Don't let your friend down or change your plans for your daft sister.

Holiday.

Wow she’s selfish if she didn’t check with the wedding party re dates first. I’d not cancel something like your trip when she’s still just planning and could move it.

The first thing I did was check with parents and grandparents when their holidays were (and when there were potentially football matches that they wouldn't have wanted to miss!). No siblings to worry about but would have checked with them too if I had any.

I avoided the dates where they had told me they weren't available.

I think she should have checked, especially if she knew you were going away that month.

Another vote for the holiday.

Agree with PP though. Sit it out and see nearer the time as either or both might be cancelled. If she raises it, I would just say she probably needs to get a back up MOH just in case your holiday goes ahead.

If she really needed you to be there she should have checked the date with you.

The holiday obviously. It's for you and your well being, the wedding is one day for someone else. Given numbers are so small I doubt the bride will struggle to fill your position.

Tell her ASAP though and get her a decent pressie. You can watch the video when you get back. Or if someone kind enough for I live stream it, you can watch it on the day.

I would never miss my sisters wedding over a holiday. Especially as your close enough to be MOH. Maybe see if you can change the holiday? You never know

I’m shocked by the responses on here, for a parenting website people really don’t seem to value family relationships.

I would be very surprised if holidays abroad will go ahead in February.

I’d go on the holiday however, I think the chance of that going ahead now will be less than 1%. I can’t see travel being normal throughout next year at all sadly.

she knew I had a holiday planned but maybe not the specific dates.

Well between the two of you this date probably should have been mentioned sooner.