(bride) AIBU to be really hurt by this?

[onedayillbeamillionairemaybe]

Sisters wedding is narrowed down to 15 people.

I am MOH.

It was in December and has now be delayed a couple of months.

She has just announced a new date for end of Feb and I am away on that date on a non-refundable very expensive trip, I booked with a friend. I haven't been away in 4 years.

I don't know what to do.

I am 100% certain all family will expect me to be there. I wouldn't want to miss it but if I lost all that money I had saved up for a holiday I would be very resentful.

I also font think my friend (who I would have to let down) would be the most please and would feel betrayed

After your last comment OP, I'm wondering if this is a reverse

It’s a bit of a Bridezilla move. Be humble and up front with her.. but if there’s no reason why she should do it on a day that is hugely problematic for you then it’s not reasonable of her to expect you to can your holiday. We all lose perspective a bit in the run-up to our wedding day and I’m sure that’s amplified in these stressful times. But you shouldn’t suffer for it.

To all those saying that the holiday will be cancelled - you do realise that plenty of holidays have still been happening?? I just returned from a foreign holiday yesterday. Unless travel is banned - like it will be from Thursday for a month - then a lot of booked holidays are going ahead - especially if it’s with the likes of BA where flights are still taking off daily.

I would ask her to choose another date.

@SaltandPepperIt I was thinking that too- also in the title it says (bride) AIBU which sounds like she’s the bride in this situation... OP if you are the bride I don’t think a holiday should take precedence over a wedding but you should have checked dates.

Why do people think a wedding takes precedence over everything else! Someone has planned and saved for a holiday for years, yet a re arranged wedding is meant to drive a coach and horses through that 🙄. If the bride wanted to make sure her MOH was there, the bride would have consulted her on dates.

@Knickerthief1

To all those saying that the holiday will be cancelled - you do realise that plenty of holidays have still been happening?? I just returned from a foreign holiday yesterday. Unless travel is banned - like it will be from Thursday for a month - then a lot of booked holidays are going ahead - especially if it’s with the likes of BA where flights are still taking off daily.

I have had 120 flights cancelled by BA so far. Just had 6 more for January cancelled today.

A very tiny number of flights are going (well from Thursday even less) but the vast majority are cancelled.

[quote Whatsonmymindgrapes]@SaltandPepperIt I was thinking that too- also in the title it says (bride) AIBU which sounds like she’s the bride in this situation... OP if you are the bride I don’t think a holiday should take precedence over a wedding but you should have checked dates.[/quote]
Would also explain why she hasnt been back....maybe not got the result she was expecting!!

@H007

Your DS probably didn’t have much choice when planning the date of her wedding. I know I didn’t. You aren’t the most important person at the wedding and I doubt very much your sister wants to be worrying about whether you do or don’t have a holiday booked. The choice is yours really either go on holiday or go to your DS’s wedding, but don’t make your holiday your DS’s problem. She probably has enough on her plate at the moment and I know that from experience of having to postpone a wedding and uninvited friends/family.

She might not be the most important person but presumably she's one of the most important being maid of honour? Clue being in the name there.

update: called her. My sister is not happy but also doesn't blame me and is going to look into alternative dates. I think she is just so upset that her wedding has been so far from what she originally planned .

The problem now is that I can expect that I will have to self isolate for 2 weeks after the holiday which reduces her date options and if she goes into the summer months she has to pay premium. I am not the only one with holiday plans which doesn't leave her with many options. It looks like it is going to be a mid week wedding which she really didn't want.

Thank you for everyone who has taken time to help me think this through.

She should have checked you were available.

At this point, both the holiday AND the wedding might not be possible. Wait a bit. See what comes of all of the upheaval. HOWEVER...if both are a go...take the holiday. In the long run, family is more likely to (eventually) forgive things like this, especially as you would lose so much money, than friends.

Do tell your sister, should you opt for the holiday, just how much money you would be losing. It gives some perspective. LOL, tell her that if she can pay you back (up front...these things tend to be forgotten), that you will be happy to consider going to the wedding instead.

Your poor sister, she's between a rock and a hard place. Glad you just spoke to her like a normal person and no one has taken offence.

These are exceptional circumstances, it's no one's fault and the most important thing is that you don't fall out over it.

Well done. I think in the current situation your sister has to take whatever she can get, whether that is mid week or whatever.

I have a friend getting married on Weds who has now had 3 weddings cancelled and has now just said F it, and getting married ASAP. They will have a party when they can, once things return to normal, but won't be making plans until things calm down again.

Good for you, OP. I’m glad you talked it through with her.

Holiday wins. Maybe your sister should have checked with you first before setting the date? Especially if she wants you as MOH!

The saying is - never change your plans!