To leave them to it!

[sickofit111]

At the absolute end of my rope with teen DC (14 and 16). They are lazy, selfish and entitled, doing nothing to help out unless there's anything in it for them and even then not always. They are rude, constantly bicker and utterly 'entitled'. Frankly I feel embarrassed of at them at the moment

I've had enough; I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I have 3 part time jobs, a sick DM and constantly trying to keep in top of the chaos in the house without any help. DH works long hours and isn't in the house as much as me so it doesn't get to him but frankly he takes the piss too.

I've tried rewards, threats, confiscation of tech, rules, family meetings - nothing works. I'm sick of nagging, pleading, asking nicely.

WIBU to just step away during half term and leave them all to it? No school runs or appointments, the only area affected would be their social life! I was planning to do some nice things with them this week but why the fuck should I?!

As DM is unfortunately in hospital I could easily go and stay at her place and establish a bit of zen! Who knows if I stay long enough it might actually sink in that I am not their slave!

Yanbu at all.

I'd say "frankly you all live in this house as if you are the only man in the world. So that's how I'm treating you all (inc dh). See you all next Monday morning for the school run"

Then just go out. Go where you want. Eat what you want. Ignore them.

Do it!
Go to your mums. Make sure you tell them why too.

Thank you,
Have literally not slept all night as I am so full of rage (not helped by being peri!). Have swung backwards and forwards between feeling guilty about leaving them and total disgust at their behaviour.

Their rooms are total shit tips; plates bowls, clean clothes never put away; dirty clothes strewn everywhere.
DS is supposed to be revising for mocks but does nothing unless nagged and again absolute minimum - I'm bored of my own nagging voice.

Everything is so hard and I don't have any more energy to battle.

Move out for a week sod their social life

Do it OP. You have so, so much on your plate you really need some respite, and your kids needs a wake up call. Sit them down on day one and say you’re so broken and exhausted by their bad attitudes and lack of respect that you need time away to recharge. Then spend a lovely, peaceful week at your mum’s eating all your favourite foods and watching whatever you like on tv. The short, sharp shock of it might be exactly what they need to wisen up.

No good moving out for a week and then going back to it in a weeks time. You need a plan. And when you say your dh is as bad.. tahts where it starts. You are, between you, modelling that a woman is only good for cleaning, washing and cooking.
People dont respect you if you dont respect yourself. It sounds like you are used to being treated pretty badly.
Sorry to hear about your dm, and thatxyouxarent getting support from your dh to manage the strain of this.

Move to Mum’s under the guise of cleaning her place and organising things for her return.
Talk to DH about your plans and see if he has more luck getting them to help out.
Good luck

Told them I'm off - stunned silence!

Yeah I’d g too. They need a short sharp shock.
Don’t tell them when you’ll be back either.

Sorry your DM is poorly.

Sorry for the shit situation op.

I don't mean to sound like an arsehole, so apologies in advance, but you enable this behaviour which is why they do it to you.

They are all fully aware that they can act and behave the way they do with little to no consequences.

Want that mobile phone DD's for your social life? Earn the right. Pocket money? Earn it. Want to sit at home and contribute nothing to the household and still use the internet? Earn the right.

You have to start putting in consequences for their actions and show them that they are entitled and they have access to lives luxuries but do nothing to earn them. Going away for a week won't fix it, it's just running away from the situation, which is, you have become their servant and they do not value you or the luxuries that you have afforded them.

I'd definitely go too.

But mentally prepare yourself for when you return. The house may look like a war zone because no one has been there to pick up after them.

I hope you have gone to your mums after your announcement!
No 2nd guessing and no guilt.
None of them feel guilty about the load they all leave on you.
Sorry to hear your dm is in hospital.

Spend at least 2 weeks with your DM (if possible). Not just half term. To let it really sink in with DH what’s going on. Let DH and DS’es feel the impact of not having —the skivvy— you around.

& if when you decide to come home, the place is a shit tip, turn around and go back to DM’s.

I also agree don't move back to help them after half term.

Let them feel the truth of not having uniform/organisation once it's back to normal life.

I say 2 weeks.

do it

They are lazy, selfish and entitled, doing nothing to help out unless there's anything in it for them and even then not always. They are rude, constantly bicker and utterly 'entitled'.

Frankly I feel embarrassed of at them at the moment

You raised them. You have allowed their behaviour to escalate to this level.

There is no way I would be moving out and leaving them alone for 2 weeks. I know it's not what you want to hear but you need to find a way back. A way to recover the relationship and improve all of your lives. Unfortunately as the parent the responsibility is all yours.

Please don't leave them, they actually need you, in spite of their actions. You can fix this to make a better future.

Sorry I totally missed the presence, or lack of your DH.

Definately not alone - I'm not that hardcore!

@soundsfishie

They are lazy, selfish and entitled, doing nothing to help out unless there's anything in it for them and even then not always. They are rude, constantly bicker and utterly 'entitled'.

Frankly I feel embarrassed of at them at the moment

You raised them. You have allowed their behaviour to escalate to this level.

There is no way I would be moving out and leaving them alone for 2 weeks. I know it's not what you want to hear but you need to find a way back. A way to recover the relationship and improve all of your lives. Unfortunately as the parent the responsibility is all yours.

Please don't leave them, they actually need you, in spite of their actions. You can fix this to make a better future.

Don’t be ridiculous. They are 14 and 16 and their dad will be there at night with them. The parental responsibility is shared with their dad and perhaps he’ll realise how much she does for the family and put his foot down with the children too.

@LouiseTrees

Don’t be ridiculous. They are 14 and 16 and their dad will be there at night with them. The parental responsibility is shared with their dad and perhaps he’ll realise how much she does for the family and put his foot down with the children too.

Obviously. Had you taken the time to read my post immediately after you would see where I said I had completed missed the fact that there was a DH involved, so obviously that renders my reply invalid.

I have withdrawn all laundry duties. Dh has renounced from cooking. No lifts /school runs.
Dc 13/15/16 are going it alone...
Little fuckers!!

OP, I have a similar situation too. I have just come out of hospital and I could cry I am so cross. Teens lounging around everywhere totally lacking in motivation, dh working 70 hours and doing all of the housework and jobs and trying to care for me. I have asked them to help, they do reluctantly. They think I should be better by now, despite the 6 week recovery time I have been given.

I blew my top this morning and took away all tech, and said until the rooms are tidy, they are showered and washed. I want to see a game plan for next week in terms of exercise, eating something beyond cereal and helping at home they can't expect any tech back.
Since then they have been out for a bike ride, tidied up and actually had a shower. I think I am being too lenient, because I have been in too much pain. Dh will do anything for a quiet life as he is burnt out, they are taking full advantage.

They are teens and can be selfish and incapable of seeing anything other than their own needs.

If I could, and was you I would go back to my mothers house and make it lovely for her, then rest and relax at least for a few days. Make a stand that you won't put up with it. If the house is a tip on your return, no one has any tech until it is spotless again.

Time to be firmer op. It is hellish I know. You have my sympathy

I think it will do you good to stay at your mum’s for a few days. Tell your family you will be back when the house is tidy and when they can promise that they will stop taking you for granted. And then just hope that they don’t prefer life with you gone.

Two days before you are planning to go back, summon them to your mother’s house. Sit them down and calmly give them a list of things you’d like to happen before you will come back - be that all rooms cleaned and tidied top to bottom, a freezer-full of meals being cooked, all the ironing done for a month... whatever. Tell them to come back in two days’ time and that if they can say it’s done, you’ll come back with them.

If you work 3 PT jobs and deal with your sick mother, I would hazard a guess that your hours are just as long as your DH's.

If he doesn't normally pull his weight with housework, he needs to start. Presumably he'll be in charge this week? That will be a good wake-up call for him.