To leave them to it!

[sickofit111]

At the absolute end of my rope with teen DC (14 and 16). They are lazy, selfish and entitled, doing nothing to help out unless there's anything in it for them and even then not always. They are rude, constantly bicker and utterly 'entitled'. Frankly I feel embarrassed of at them at the moment

I've had enough; I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I have 3 part time jobs, a sick DM and constantly trying to keep in top of the chaos in the house without any help. DH works long hours and isn't in the house as much as me so it doesn't get to him but frankly he takes the piss too.

I've tried rewards, threats, confiscation of tech, rules, family meetings - nothing works. I'm sick of nagging, pleading, asking nicely.

WIBU to just step away during half term and leave them all to it? No school runs or appointments, the only area affected would be their social life! I was planning to do some nice things with them this week but why the fuck should I?!

As DM is unfortunately in hospital I could easily go and stay at her place and establish a bit of zen! Who knows if I stay long enough it might actually sink in that I am not their slave!

Be strong, Op, stick to your guns. I only hope your dd doesn’t do all the stepping up and ds lets her.

Ah glad you left - good for you!

A shock to them is probably what they need & you deserve a break!

If I was you I’d stay for 2 weeks (let them have a go at trying to get up and out to school themselves! See how much you do for them

Enjoy your free time x

Proud of you OP. You’re doing the right thing for them and you.

@Shizzlestix

Be strong, Op, stick to your guns. I only hope your dd doesn’t do all the stepping up and ds lets her.

This is a good point. She is just as lazy as DS but usually the 1st one to make a move

@Heyahun

Ah glad you left - good for you!

A shock to them is probably what they need & you deserve a break!

If I was you I’d stay for 2 weeks (let them have a go at trying to get up and out to school themselves! See how much you do for them

Enjoy your free time x

Sadly, no leaving them to make their own way to school as we live rurally and out of catchment

Enjoy your break! You have absolutely done the right thing.

What did DH have to say about it? I hope he supported you.

Regarding them going back to school....

Rock up to pick them up at departure time and nothing more - again text them the day before, I will be leaving to take you to school at X if you aren't ready you will have to deal with the consequences...

How much is a taxi/boys etc?? You will most likely only have to follow through once!!

Or for every minute they are not ready you pick them up 5 minutes late at the end of the day or similar consequence? Perhaps forgo a lift to a social event. Have a think at what would work best for you.

@firsttimedad79

Jesus!

You make us here in our house feel so lucky!

We've 5 kids at home, ds 2, dsd 7, dss 9, dss 13 and dss16!!!

There's no tech until bedrooms are done, for an hour after each meal and for an hour before bed.

They each have set jobs to do with each meal and if they don't do their job then they lose tech for that session (I.e. don't do job after lunch they lose the afternoon session).

I couldn't live in a house with so much disrespect as yours :(

Jesus, you make me feel so lucky! I couldn't live with someone whose first instinct on seeing someone struggling was to gleefully put the boot in So glad my DH isn't like that.

DD was in tears when I left.

I wouldn’t be taken in by the tears!

Well done, OP!

DD was in tears when I left.

There is no way I could be ok with this. She is only 14 she needs your support. Not the feeling of complete abandonment.

You realise I am in the minority as you have so maybe people saying you have done the right thing. It's the absolute opposite to the approach I would have taken if I was in your position.

Please make sure to text/call her and make sure she is alright.

@soundsfishie

DD was in tears when I left.

There is no way I could be ok with this. She is only 14 she needs your support. Not the feeling of complete abandonment.

You realise I am in the minority as you have so maybe people saying you have done the right thing. It's the absolute opposite to the approach I would have taken if I was in your position.

Please make sure to text/call her and make sure she is alright.

Good job her father is there then

In reality this is no different to me going off to get some R&R with a friend; just this time I'm on my own and have made my reasons for going very clear

Argh the guilt tripping has started

Have just been accused of running away by DS and that as a mother I can't do that 😐

This is no different to when I would have to work away from home, especially as DH doesn't drive...

You can tell DS that even as a mother you can insist on respectful behaviour from the rest of the family...

@sickofit111 they so need to see a new side to you and their dad when you go back, otherwise you’ll have years of laziness and selfishness!

The children have their father there to look after them.

They have two parents.

The problem is that the parenting, housework etc is being left to OP.

Their father can step in now.

The children are old enough to understand that their mother is tired and worn out from doing it all.

They are old enough to pick up after themselves and have a bit of consideration for their mother after being asked many times.

There is nothing wrong with their mother letting them know that their awful behaviour, refusal to help out and general disrespect of her is not acceptable.

Their father needs to shape up and take responsibility for his part in all this, and perhaps start parenting HIS children, rather than leaving it to his wife to carry the full load.

It's the absolute opposite to the approach I would have taken if I was in your position

DD is 14 not 4!
She has had so much opportunity - as have the others in the family to put this right and she choose not to. It is called consequences. I should think the last thing op should be doing is pandering to selfish, entitled unkind behaviour. Do you even have teens sounds? If op follows your advice she will end up with an even bigger problem than she has now.

Dh needs to step up
Teen dc need to step up

Op clearly has been trying other ways to achieve this to no avail, so what option is she left with. I have teens (same age) and I wouldn't hesitate to do the same thing as you, now you finally have their attention, I hope they will start to help you before you burn out/or have a breakdown.

Enjoy your long bath, wine and stress free evening!

You are also not doing your children any favour if you raise them to not have boundaries, self respect and to bend over backwards for everyone even when they treat you badly. What kind of role model is that?

@soundsfishie

There is no way I could be ok with this. She is only 14 sad she needs your support. Not the feeling of complete abandonment.

Why are you still using emotive terms like complete abandonment when their father is there?

Why are you still using emotive terms like complete abandonment when their father is there?

Because I was referring to her mother leaving, complete abandonment by her mother

@Friendsoftheearth

You are also not doing your children any favour if you raise them to not have boundaries, self respect and to bend over backwards for everyone even when they treat you badly. What kind of role model is that?

Just to clarify, not the kind I am. Ok.

Do you even have teens sounds?

Yes I do. I acknowledged I am in the minority but a different approach is a valid option. We don't all do things the same way. Please don't have a go at me for parenting in a different way.

Good for you . I still remember my mum packing her suitcase once and walking down the road saying she had had enough. She did not go far but it did the trick.

Because I was referring to her mother leaving, complete abandonment by her mother

Why do both parents need to be there when they are 16 and 14? Are you with your teens every single day?