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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel conflicted that I'll be a homeowner before 30?

208 replies

Maria53 · 16/10/2020 22:00

And it's mostly not through my own hard graft. I come from a fairly working class/lower middle class family.

I met my grandfather about 10 times in my whole lifetime - I wont get too deep into it, but he had a very hard childhood, where some very bad things happened which he ended up receiving a large pay out/compensation for. He never spent the money & was always mean with money while alive and struggled to have a proper relationship with any of us.

In the end we tried to have a relationship in the last couple of years of his life, I helped him out during his illness and I now have a large chunk of inheritance. I have just, as of today, become a homeowner using mostly this money and a portion of my own savings. I will be paying all legal fees and furnishings myself.

But I almost feel I dont deserve it? And I don't think I can mention it to my friends in any way, many of whom will struggle to own their own home for years. As I am currently single, I also worry what a future partner will think about this. AIBU?

OP posts:
HMSSophie · 16/10/2020 22:06

YABU. Them's are the breaks. Sometimes the dice do fall in your favour

RonaRossi · 16/10/2020 22:10

If everyone got what they deserved the world would be a very different place op.

No point in eating yourself up over it. It is what it is.

Stellaroses · 16/10/2020 22:11

YABU. Don’t give it a second thought. What could a future partner think? Not sure what you mean by that? That someone who has their own house wouldn’t be as desirable..? Why?
Home owning before 25 (not through inheritance) has been the norm in my circle of friends and family. Not especially wealthy, just quite hardworking and I suppose lucky with jobs.

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/10/2020 22:12

Do people think I should keep this quiet from friends generally? I am thinking I will just tell my closest friends and leave it at that.

I hate lying in general but it doesn't seem appropriate to be totally honest without seeing I am rubbing others faces in it.

OP posts:
Sciurus83 · 16/10/2020 22:12

Stop worrying and get on with your life (I mean that in a nice way)

Aposterhasnoname · 16/10/2020 22:12

Yup. Dems de breaks. Enjoy your stealth boast.

thedaytodayyesterday · 16/10/2020 22:12

Most people these days buy a house using a mixture of savings, inheritance, help from parents etc. I certainly did, and before I was 30. You have a house, enjoy this fact. There is nothing to feel guilty about as you haven't done anything wrong.

colouringindoors · 16/10/2020 22:13

yabu. Be thankful.

Original poster
Maria53 · 16/10/2020 22:13

@Stellaroses re a partner - because I have not earned it much through my own hard graft. Even with my good job and long hours I work, I know I would still have been years off of ownership on my own.

I do worry about a man would think about this.

OP posts:
JagerPlease · 16/10/2020 22:15

Most of my friends were homeowners before 30, every single one had either help from parents or inheritance. It's become pretty much the only way for our generation

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 16/10/2020 22:16

@Maria53

Do people think I should keep this quiet from friends generally? I am thinking I will just tell my closest friends and leave it at that.

I hate lying in general but it doesn't seem appropriate to be totally honest without seeing I am rubbing others faces in it.

It’s never once occurred to me to consider how friends came to buy their houses. I doubt it will come up, don’t give it a second thought.
mayflowerapplepie · 16/10/2020 22:18

I understand why it feels strange and not as “lucky” as logically it seems. That will fade. You can’t really do anything now to feel like you deserved it other than your existence but he left it to you because he wanted to and I imagine because he wanted you to have less worries in your life than he had. If you want to “earn” it then just focus on being a good person and “passing it on” in some way

YellowBeryl1 · 16/10/2020 22:18

Yabu, why even bother telling a future partner? They are unlikely to ask, if they know you have a good job and work hard they'll just assume that's how you bought it.

Newmumatlast · 16/10/2020 22:21

Yanbu to feel as you do. I understand it. But yabu to not just accept the luck you were given, make peace with it, stop worrying and have a very happy life x

AndWhat · 16/10/2020 22:21

Is the concern that you own a house outright as opposed to mortgaged?

nosswith · 16/10/2020 22:22

I was fortunate enough to be a homeowner in my 20s, and by my late 40s had no rent or mortgage. One of the blessings I am always grateful for.

As for a future partner, you had an inheritance is all you need to say, if at all.

onetwothreeadventure · 16/10/2020 22:22

I don't see why any potential partner would have an issue. Plenty of people own property under 30 through wealthy parents, inheritance, high salaries - I really don't think it's out of the ordinary.

Shahlalala · 16/10/2020 22:22

I get what you mean but you didn’t gain the money by wrongful means.
I wouldn’t worry what anybody thinks! The only time I’ve done an eye roll is a friends DH bragging about the cost of his house when we all knew it was bought via inheritance. He acted as if it was his graft and that’s what got people’s backs up. He would also offer advice about saving for a house... which he had never done.
Enjoy your new home. Flowers

nimbuscloud · 16/10/2020 22:23

You are completely overthinking this.

Plmoknijb123 · 16/10/2020 22:23

Your finances etc are nobodies business. Even close friends, I wouldn’t mention anything to anyone unless you are literally going to marry the person. You should use this opportunity to the best of your ability. You are ahead...make the most of your life!

Jointhecircus · 16/10/2020 22:24

i inherited enough money from my grandfather to buy a house when I was 28. It was total surprise, as I'd only met him about three times in my whole life. I did feel a bit embarrassed and undeserving at first, but ten years down the line I just feel grateful that my kids have got a stable home.

I am single parent on a low income, so would never have been able to afford it otherwise. My dad (his son) was pretty much absent and I missed out on having a father, so I feel like that makes up for it somehow.

Figgygal · 16/10/2020 22:24

I really don’t understand what your issue is? Why would your friends abc a potential Partner judge you fir having a house?

CeibaTree · 16/10/2020 22:26

[quote Maria53]@Stellaroses re a partner - because I have not earned it much through my own hard graft. Even with my good job and long hours I work, I know I would still have been years off of ownership on my own.

I do worry about a man would think about this.[/quote]
Ha! Do you think the upper classes with their generational wealth worry about this? Just be grateful for your good fortune and enjoy your new home :)

TheRonettes · 16/10/2020 22:27

Look, OP, by the time you’re my age — late 40s — you’ve seen some friends inherit houses or businesses worth millions from parents who bought a modest London house a long time ago, or built up a small shop into an empire, and you’ve also seen people default on mortgages and lose their homes, or end up in negative equity.

Unless you have particularly small-minded friends, surely they won’t interpret your good luck as an insult?

PancakesAndSyrup · 16/10/2020 22:28

I think you're really over thinking the situation. I saved a deposit and purchased a house last year and it's never come up in conversation how I funded it. It's no one else's business