To feel conflicted that I'll be a homeowner before 30?

[Maria53]

And it's mostly not through my own hard graft. I come from a fairly working class/lower middle class family.

I met my grandfather about 10 times in my whole lifetime - I wont get too deep into it, but he had a very hard childhood, where some very bad things happened which he ended up receiving a large pay out/compensation for. He never spent the money & was always mean with money while alive and struggled to have a proper relationship with any of us.

In the end we tried to have a relationship in the last couple of years of his life, I helped him out during his illness and I now have a large chunk of inheritance. I have just, as of today, become a homeowner using mostly this money and a portion of my own savings. I will be paying all legal fees and furnishings myself.

But I almost feel I dont deserve it? And I don't think I can mention it to my friends in any way, many of whom will struggle to own their own home for years. As I am currently single, I also worry what a future partner will think about this. AIBU?

Don't feel bad, or guilty. I will be mortgage free in a few years, before I'm 40. No deposit and no inheritance. I was just lucky enough to buy in the times of 100% mortgage and bought when I was 21. No plans to tell anyone. It doesn't concern anyone else but me.

Hi OPi moved to a big city 25 years ago and was living in a shared house and could only afford to spend £5 a day to not get into debt. Through absolute good luck (and rising house prices in the 90s and 00s) have ended up owning a sizeable property in big city (Which I will have to probably sell to help my children get on the property) But who knows what will happen in the future - I think you have to take the good fortune OP as life has many swings and roundabouts and you never know what will happen.

OP, you are massively over thinking this. I had a rather eccentric distant relative who left his large inheritance to be divided between two people. One of those people had died so it got passed down to his daughter. Overnight, she was a millionaire despite never even having met him!

These things happen. Just realise how lucky you are and enjoy the security that it brings you.

Need discuss finances with anyone ever if you have any money that is. If you marry in the future be aware in divorce that marriage partner is entitled to 50%. Prenups are not legally binding in the UK. My friend will be divorcing her partner, no dc involved, second marriage in late forties. He bought zero assets, her property and a piece of land she owns is worth at least half a million. I did tell her not to marry him but she is a romantic at heart.

We paid our mortgage off mid 30’s, we are early 50’s now and still haven’t told anyone.

You might not have "earned" it and so feel you don't "deserve" it but you don't NOT deserve it. You didn't lie or cheat or break the law. You didn't swindle or manipulate.

Something bad happened TO your Grandad and that's why he got the money. It's so sad that event tainted his life but the money isn't tainted. He didn't do something bad to get it. It was meant to help make up for what happened.

So use the money to do that. Ultimately your Grandad decided he wanted to pass it to family and for them to benefit from it in a way he couldn't. So accept it in good faith and do good with it.

Which you have in that you've invested in your future. If you really feel you need to pass it on, maybe start a small monthly donation to a charity that could have helped your Grandad or your Dad if they'd lived in a different era.

Re friends, of they're real friends I think it's weirder to pretend your renting. Tel them you've moved, of they ask day you had some money off your Grandad to help. You don't need to explain if you brought it outright, have a mortgage etc.

Re men, just make sure you're careful about who you move in and who gets dibs on your house. Any man who says "pub, but it's not like you earned it" is helpfully telling you they're a dick and shouldn't be dated. A decent guy won't judge you on it.

You really don’t owe anyone an explanation about anything. Especially about money. It’s like some have to apologise in advance if they get any cash. Enjoy your home. No point buying it and feeling guilty.

I've inherited a house. I just don't really tell people and they don't really ask whether I rent or own. My close friends know of course and DP (who couldn't be less worried about it).

Just enjoy your new home, I'm sure your grandfather would want you to and try not to worry about what other people think.

It’s no ones business how you afforded the house.

There was clearly a lot of baggage attached to this money, your poor grandfather couldn’t bring himself to use it, and it sounds like a very sad story.

But he passed it on to you, and you have used it in a very responsible way. I am sure your grandfather would be proud.

Enjoy your home.

I hate lying in general but it doesn't seem appropriate to be totally honest without seeing I am rubbing others faces in it.

Honestly, in the nicest possible way, you’re thinking too much about this. Saying “I was incredibly lucky to inherit the money to enable me to buy the house” is fine and not rubbing anyone’s nose in it. It’s people who have married/inherited/been given money from the bank of mum and dad who then carp on about what a waste of money it is to rent/how flash they are which winds others up. You have nothing to be embarrassed about - nor do you owe anyone an explanation for anything if you don’t want to give one.

I got my first house at 25 (was married and had DS at 23). Why would you be conflicted? I'm not ashamed to admit my parents helped us out. They don't really believe in leaving a big inheritance so they've helped us get on the property ladder while they're still alive and well. Surely your friends would be happy for you? It's not like you're going to go around boasting about it. Seems like you have a very self defeating mindset when it comes to money that won't benefit you in the long run. Having money shouldn't be a source of guilt or anxiety.

OP you should be happy! You’ve been so lucky!

I became a homeowner a month after my 30th birthday, I got a very large divorce payout (we only ever rented when we were together) and I bought a house outright with the money so now at 35 I am mortgage free with a huge house.

I’m so bloody lucky, and even though I hate to admit it I dont think I ever would have managed to buy my own house if this hadnt happened to me.

Enjoy good luck while you can because you never know what’s round the corner

It is no one's business but yours. I wouldn't be telling any men I was going out with about it but I might tell a couple of close friends if they asked. You could just say you were left some money that helped you - you don't need to say how much. If they ask how much just say something vague like 'it was a good help'. It's none of their business and you don't need to say anything at all to anyone.
As for your friend with the 'attitude' saying she 'wouldn't accept' that much money from her family, she is jealous and a liar. If someone left her it in a will of course she would. She wouldn't be saying to a solicitor 'No, I can't accept it.'
Your grandad wanted you to have it and has given you security. It's lovely. Congratulations.

I'm sure your friends would be happy for you, but not likely to feel different about YOU (otherwise, really, they suck). Enjoy your new space and move forward in your life. Just keep listening to your friends, stay sensitive to their different situations.

Make it into your very own home! Revel in it, its yours!

Meant to say I inherited some money and so did DH. Not fortunes but enough to help us along. We are mortgage free at 40 with a big house (not huge but spacious) we also have paid on the mortgage with salaries as well. I don't feel guilty. My parents worked hard and I was an only child, what they had they left to me. A spinster aunt who lived next to us left me £20,000. DH inherited money when a grandad and then a grandma died. We are talking about working class people who all worked hard all their lives and left what they had to their families - not fortunes but good helps. Be grateful to your grandad- that is what he has done for you.

100% overthinking.

I just wouldn’t tell people. I’m sure most people you know don’t tell you about their renting/ownership situation, it’s not something most people would casually discuss.

My husband and I became homeowners outright in our late twenties. We’d been living hand to mouth before that with no chance of getting a mortgage. My lovely mother in law died far too young and that is how we came into the money. We knew she was dying and she liked to talk to us about buying the house and our plans for doing it up. I think it brought her comfort to think that she would still be able to provide for her son and future grandchild after her death. Her biggest worry was how they would cope with her death. But she also told us not to tell other people our circumstances because people are strange about money and might be jealous. Close friends and family obviously know and I sometimes feel a little guilty that we have stability that they don’t. I feel a bit angry whenever somebody mentions us being lucky, because we’d happily give it up to get her back, but I know that we are lucky in a way because inheritance is not guaranteed. Other people will have lost parents and also not have a comfortable roof over their heads.

I hope you enjoy your new home! I still feel incredibly lucky to have our home five years down the line. We experienced redundancy and no income at all for six months this year and we were able to cope because we own our house.

Most people I know bought their properties with the help of family gifts or inheritance

All my friends were homeowners at about 23. Don't let it get to you. Enjoy.

Well, your relative must have gone through something pretty dreadful to get that payout but didn’t feel able to use it in his lifetime.

Maybe you should feel pleased you’ve been able to benefit

It sounds like your grandad had a terrible life. You did your best to help him and so he wanted you to have this money. I am quite sure he would want you to enjoy it and have a better life than he had. Enjoy your new flat

Yabu. I was a homeowner by 22 by mere fortune of circumstance. It was in the days of 100% mortgages and I was still a graduate trainee only 12 months into my first job after uni. It could have gone badly wrong (my mortgage lender was one who subsequently went pop during the global financial crisis) but thankfully I lived in an area where property demand is always high so ended up with a good chunk of equity when I sold 4 years later, which has served me well latterly in getting up the ladder. No way would that be the case now given tighter lending criteria. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I dare say you wouldn't want to be with a partner who thought badly of you because you happened to inherit.

I bought my house in my twenties because they were cheaper in those days. I gave my two DDs £100,000 each as a deposit because I inherited it from my MIL and my late DP’s aunt. So both DDs became home owners in their twenties too.
It’s hardly unusual, OP, and it’s silly to feel guilty for good fortune. If it really bothered you that much, you’d have given the money to charity!

You’re way overthinking it, like honestly why are you telling people when it’s none of their business??? You got the money for a reason and have done the sensible thing by investing in property. DH and I were very lucky in that our parents were able to help us buy a house, but I would never discuss it with anyone because it’s nobody’s business but mine and I don’t have to justify it because they don’t know the circumstances. True friends would be happy for you not bitter.

Do not tell ANYONE. It's easy. No-one has to know you are mortgage free, it sounds too much like bragging anyway. I know you don't mean it that way, but what good would it do? Unless you meet someone in exactly similar circumstances, it's not going to make anyone feel good about their own life, will it? So if they are your friends, keep quiet.

Your grand-dad gave you money to help with deposit, leave it at that.

I am not mortgage-free, but I am not giving details of my financial situation to anyone. No one cares. I use the "I can't afford it" to get out of things I don't want to do.

If you get married one day, protect your assets, but just be honest about it. You inherited money, what's wrong with that? By the time you are close enough to talk marriage, you will be comfortable enough to discuss finances. Normal people are happy to have a boost.

Why would anyone feel the need to boast about inheritance to friends? There's nothing to be ashamed about, but unless they are in the same financial bracket, it's only going to bring you negative feelings.

@Maria53

I actually mentioned it to my best friend about 9 months ago she definitely had an attitude about it at first. Said she didnt personally think she would accept so much money from family (her family is much richer than mine as it happens). It made me feel bad at the time.

Since then she seems to have changed her tune. But she has a mortgage in principle now and believes getting a mortgage will be a struggle. So it isn't an easy topic, think I'll just say I bought the flat and leave it at that.

Your best friend was being a jealous bitch. Seems like it's all ok now she is going to get her own place.

What you are feeling is imposter syndrome- most people I know had bought by your age through inheritance/trust funds/gifts from parents or having very highly paid jobs they got through family connections or the advantage of private school.
Believe me, none of them would give it a second thought.

Enjoy your home and appreciate that gift of financial security - please don't vote Tory because then you really are ruined!