To feel conflicted that I'll be a homeowner before 30?

[Maria53]

And it's mostly not through my own hard graft. I come from a fairly working class/lower middle class family.

I met my grandfather about 10 times in my whole lifetime - I wont get too deep into it, but he had a very hard childhood, where some very bad things happened which he ended up receiving a large pay out/compensation for. He never spent the money & was always mean with money while alive and struggled to have a proper relationship with any of us.

In the end we tried to have a relationship in the last couple of years of his life, I helped him out during his illness and I now have a large chunk of inheritance. I have just, as of today, become a homeowner using mostly this money and a portion of my own savings. I will be paying all legal fees and furnishings myself.

But I almost feel I dont deserve it? And I don't think I can mention it to my friends in any way, many of whom will struggle to own their own home for years. As I am currently single, I also worry what a future partner will think about this. AIBU?

Put it into perspective. Your grandfather clearly had some very tragic or disturbing things happen to him, so much so that it ruined his ability to have a decent relationship with his family. This money and therefore this house are his only legacy to you and it deserves to be thoughtfully appreciated, I wouldn’t wring your hands about it.

It’s no one else’s business how you bought your house. If it comes up in conversation and you want to say something you could just say it’s a combination of savings and inheritance from Grandpa without going into much detail. For a future partner something similar would work. Good luck with your new house!

@BlueSpottyBlouse

My honesta dvice as someone who has been more fortunate than many in my circle- you don['t tell anyone anything. You do not boast, you do not show off and you do not explain apologetically.

You just get on with your life and keep your finances private.

This OP do you have issues with boundaries/ people pleasing? Seriously you dont need to tell/ explain to anyone . Finances are private

Oh no poor you OP this sounds like a terrible cross for you to have to bear

Don’t talk about money with friends and definitely not with new or prospective partners! Just enjoy it OP. There’s nothing shameful about luck and fortune, no matter the extenuating circumstances.

@GoldfishParade

Oh no poor you OP this sounds like a terrible cross for you to have to bear

see, this is why you don't mention money around you. There's ALWAYS one, even family member or "friend".

Plead poverty, ALWAYS. Makes life easier and everybody is happy.

You were fortunate in an unfortunate situation. People will always be envious but what can you do? It is what it is. You can't lie and say you don't own your house.

My DH and I purchased our first house when I was 23 however this was only made possible because we borrowed approx 50k from my FIL, which we normally pay back monthly however as I'm on maternity leave he's happy for us not to pay.

How many people have that? I know I am lucky to be in that situation, as there is no way anyone in my family could lend 5k, let alone ten times that.

My FIL isn't even fussed about payment, as he just says anything we don't pay back will come out of my DH's share of inheritance.

Money is a touchy subject for some people. I don't care really- you live within your means and that can vary for Monaco billionaires to those on benefits. You do you really.

We recently paid our mortgage off and it's really nice to know that our home, garden (and three old cars) are actually ours and not some greedy bank's. Enjoy your paid for home !!!!! And don't get a mortgage on it !!!

First world problems anyone.....OP has a house and doesn’t have bigger things to worry about so is feeling bad about being a homeowner.

Its just one off those things, some people will be jealous others wont be. We got our house through an Auntie of my husband that died and left the house to my mil, we moved into in and rented to start with and then discussed buying it from them, we were going to be gifted the house as inheritance but just getting it all early but my fil was diagnosed woth cancer so we agreed to buy it so they had cash so he could retire early but were were given £50k to pay the deposit and pay off all our debts. We have a very easy life now compared to some friends but they don't care as they are friends!

Nobody “deserves” an inheritance. You definitely don’t “deserve” it because you made yourself useful to an elderly person towards the end of their life and nobody can reassure you that you “deserve it”. So long as they were of sound mind when they wrote their will, then they can do as they please.

DH and I became homeowners for the first time last year when we were both 29.

His mum died unexpectedly in 2017 so when his granny died without a will, he inherited what would have gone to his mum. That included a house and a quite a bit of money.

We wouldn’t have been able to buy a house for years without the inheritance but it was obviously bittersweet because it wouldn’t have happened if his mum hadn’t passed away.

If people ask, I say we bought the house and they can assume it’s mortgaged. People are weird about money; when I told my own mum that we were getting the house she said, ‘it’s not fair, I still have years left on my mortgage’ and hung up.

Oh you poor thing....

@Smallsteps88

Oh you poor thing....

you do know it's posters writing this that comes across as pathetic, not the OP don't you? The bitterness on MN does make me laugh!

Enjoy it. If you can't give it to charity and work towards your own home based on your own earnings. This is not a moral dilemma, its middle class guilt. It serves no one.

you do know it's posters writing this that comes across as pathetic, not the OP don't you?
The bitterness on MN does make me laugh!

Well that’s two of us laughing then

I can understand where you’re coming from OP. I got gifted money as well which made a huge difference to me being able to afford my own place when I did. I am also good with my own money though so had saved a lot on my own. I’m sure some people wonder how I afforded things but they never asked and if they did I would just politely say ‘that’s not something I feel the need to discuss’ it’s no one else’s business.

As for future partners though I’m not going to lie it can cause problems. Either they feel like they’re not bringing enough to the party or you feel like they’re free loading. I wouldn’t raise it in the early stages of a relationship, wait until there is more trust there.

@BubblyBarbara yes this is how I feel exactly.

My grandfather was interviewed years later about what happened to him and he said his greatest regret was how those circumstances had affected his relationship with his own family. Even as the granddaughter I have felt the ripples of it and i never had the relationship with him I wanted to have. He told me how proud he was of me once 10 years ago but otherwise was very stoic and I always thought he didnt care. I don't think it was that simple.

I appreciate the kind comments. I actually think it will take time for me to feel ok about this. My other grandad I was very close to left a small inheritance to all his grandchildren and I felt no guilt about that. It was different.

To the sarcastic posters, I have had plenty to worry about during the pandemic including relatives with covid. Your sneering comments help no one.

Appreciate all the replies that have mainly been kind and offered their own experiences. thanks.

@sst1234

First world problems anyone.....OP has a house and doesn’t have bigger things to worry about so is feeling bad about being a homeowner.

Exactly! Some people are struggling to make it through each day at the moment (and I don't mean just financially).

There was a thread on here recently, where a pregnant woman was genuinely asking "AIBU to think that having £1,500 disposable cash left over ever month will not be enough once the baby comes?"
Well my god... that woman was ripped. to. SHREDS.
"Didn't she realise how much people are struggling right now thanks to Covid" etc etc etc
Yet apparently it's ok for this poster to come on and ask some ridiculous question about a ridiculous non-issue in the guise of a veiled brag, in order to feel better about herself and be reassured just how wonderfully lucky she is... 

Oh and no, I'm not jealous in the slightest before that age old rebuttal gets trotted out.
I have a wonderful home which I'm very proud of, grateful for and wouldn't change for the world! I just cannot stand to see people who are struggling, being made to feel worse about their lives. It truly infuriates me. Nobody has the right to do that!!

OP you've been given a break, enjoy it! Try to find the happiness that your grandfather couldn't.
You being able to buy a home is completely separate to whether anyone else can, you don't need to have any guilt at all.
Lots of people have done well for themselves on the back of inheritance or financial help from their families.....most just don't care to admit it.

@DC3Dakota I wont go into details but I was struggling in a similar way this time about a year ago. Really struggling financially and it was very hard. I am still in shock about actually having money now.

I know I am fortunate but as I said, it hasnt really sunk in yet. Oh and I did buy the champagne. Why not

Congratulations
Most people I know owned their house (with a mortgage) before 30 so I don’t think that’s a big deal
Just don’t talk about finances

Nothing to worry about. Just don’t talk about it at all to anyone IMO - as there is no need.

I am older than you but also in a lucky housing situation - it rarely if ever comes up in conversation with anyone.

Seriously, I would say no one is interested.

@FelicityBob I keep seeing comments on here saying most people they know owned a home before 30.

But I only know 2 friends that own their homes. 1 through rich parents and the other through her own money mostly. But I think there are much less people of my generation that will be able to own their own home any time soon.

Nothing to do with anyone else tbh. Don’t feel guilty and I wouldn’t discuss with others. It’s not like you’ve stolen the money in a bank heist. Someone has died and the money is rightfully yours. You can always donate a chunk to charity too.