To feel conflicted that I'll be a homeowner before 30?

[Maria53]

And it's mostly not through my own hard graft. I come from a fairly working class/lower middle class family.

I met my grandfather about 10 times in my whole lifetime - I wont get too deep into it, but he had a very hard childhood, where some very bad things happened which he ended up receiving a large pay out/compensation for. He never spent the money & was always mean with money while alive and struggled to have a proper relationship with any of us.

In the end we tried to have a relationship in the last couple of years of his life, I helped him out during his illness and I now have a large chunk of inheritance. I have just, as of today, become a homeowner using mostly this money and a portion of my own savings. I will be paying all legal fees and furnishings myself.

But I almost feel I dont deserve it? And I don't think I can mention it to my friends in any way, many of whom will struggle to own their own home for years. As I am currently single, I also worry what a future partner will think about this. AIBU?

If you were Pablo Escobar sure your friends may have a problem but no offence to you personally nor my friends but my friends home status is not really that interesting

@TheoriginalLEM

"What a drama queen" are you that bored??

Why do people feel the need to be unpleasant? Its boring

Be grateful for what you have.

I hope this isn't a navel -gazing stealth boast post

Your not obligated to tell a new partner you have bought the house. I wouldn’t tell a new partner. My friend bought a new property and had a newish BF she lied and said her father was helping her out and she’s renting.

The guy was decent I think she just wanted to be sure he was a decent person and not reveal too much too soon.

Don’t take people’s advise literally there’s nothing wrong with asking but based your decision on what you want because when the shoes on the other foot your “friends” probably would happily accept money they had inherited.

TBH, I'd not mention it to people, it's not really their business. Just say that you managed to get on the property ladder. As for your friend saying that she doesn't think she'd accept that much money?! WTF?!

You've not come into the money via a Lottery win. This is an inheritance (which frankly is the probably one of the few ways people of your generation - and mine! - can hope to get on property ladder!). People shouldn't be jealous of you. One of my very close mates lost both her parents to illness when she was very young. She inherited enough to buy a property outright (wise move), but was v careful about what she spent the rest on (she kept it for any big work needed on house). Some people behaved in a disgusting way towards her: expecting her to sub them, give them money etc. I know she'd trade back every penny to have her parents back. Both my parents died in past 3yrs and I know that I'd rather have them here than an inheritance. I also know what you mean about receiving money you didn't "earn". I've not yet received the inheritance but I'm trying not to think about it, if that makes sense. And TBH, what I hope to do with it is to buy a place (either outright or with minimal mortgage) to enable me and my kids to be secure (I'm a single parent too, working FT, and don't have a hope in hell of buying a place in normal circs).

If you were my friend, I'd make sure you had the support you needed (re: bereavement) and just be pleased that this inheritance has enabled you to be secure and set up.

PS if you meet someone in the future, for Gods sake make sure that your assets are protected properly!!!! Get good legal advice on that and make sure things are water-tight to protect yourself.

You should stop apologising for your own existence. Life is too short- take the wins and enjoy!

I understand where you are coming from op. I still have a mortgage (with a long time still to pay) but due to some lucky and timely investment when house prices skyrocketed, strategies relocation, decent (but fair) divorce agreement, as well as being a monumental scrimper and saver, I've got a much nicer house in a much nicer area than I thought I would in my current situation.

I've had comments even from family that I must be screwing the benefits system, that I'm earning way more than I am, that I must've screwed over my ex in the divorce etc. I have friends who are in a similar personal situation as me desperate to move from dodgy areas but are stuck due to low and secure council rent being more attractive than private renting, or still stuck in homes too small for their growing families due to negative equity.

I know it's a bit of a fluke sometimes that we find ourselves in such positions. No need to tell anyone really the circumstances around your home ownership status - most folk will assume you have a hefty mortgage. Just make sure you protect your investment should you move a partner in or get married.

If your grandfather was very careful with money he’d probably be delighted that you’ve something sensible with it. Enjoy your new home, OP. Lots and lots of people get on or move up the housing ladder thanks to an inheritance. It’s a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to do. Get the champagne on ice and raise a glass to your grandad!

Noone needs to know whether you have got a whacking great mortgage or not. Most people will assume you have put down a small deposit. Just leave it at that.

Yabu but I know what you mean.

Dp had a turbulent relationship with his gm, his mother even more so (the gm won a lot of and walked out of their lives when mil was very young). It was mil, sil, dp and I who looked after her in her final years. So dp got a sizeable inheritance.

We bought our new house outright. I was 28. It's a very strange feeling but I just count my blessings and realise how incredibly fortunate I am.

Most of my friends are renting and those who aren't are very worried about paying the mortgage in these times.

When I met my husband he had just bought somewhere with the help of money from his granddad - his grandad had gifted DH and his brother a substantial amount each while still alive.
No part of me thought any less of him for buying with that money, I don’t know anyone who would think that way.
Would you think less of someone in your situation (if you weren’t in it yourself)?

I bought my own first home at 26 under very similar circumstances. Although I had a small mortgage it was easily manageable on the money I was earning at the time. I didn’t feel guilty about it. Just because I hadn’t worked all hours, scrimped and saved and struggled to buy it and pay for it didn’t mean I felt undeserving. Enjoy your new home and use your income for enjoying your life.

My honesta dvice as someone who has been more fortunate than many in my circle- you don['t tell anyone anything. You do not boast, you do not show off and you do not explain apologetically.

You just get on with your life and keep your finances private.

If it helps, OP, I bought at 29 using my inheritance and I'm currently in a lovely position. It probably won't be forever (space constraints, I'm in the SE and will try to stay here so it's expensive!) so I'm enjoying it whilst I can. Also, whilst I inherited, I also put my own money in too and after an awful start to my 20s, I had to work fucking hard to be in a position where I could afford to live. Also I almost got fucked over twice, bought 3rd time lucky, took months- if you're unlucky like me, you might be well over 30 when you finally get your keys.

We don't get many breaks in life. Just enjoy it.

It is very unlikely that all your friends will have exactly the same life path. Some will be richer, some will be poorer, some will have far more horrible life events, others will coast along.

You have to find some way, if you are going to have long-term friends, to absorb this into the friendship. I have one super wealthy friend, lots of reasonably well off friends and a couple who don't have very much at all. At one time I was the poorer friend, now I'm not.

Just don't over think it. I don't think owning a house is either particularly unusual, or the kind of thing a partner would marry for! This stuff is fairly irrelevant, unless you are literally a multi-millionaire.

Almost everyone I know who bought a house at a young age did so with either inheritance or large gifts of money from family. It's just how things go.

A close friend of mine lost her mum in her early 20s, and as the only child she inherited enough money to buy a really nice house for cash, no mortgage. I certainly didn't judge her - what happened to her was shitty and it was nice to think that at least she's gotten something for herself after everything that happened.

If someone judges you for this they are just jealous and probably not a friend. Not that it's any of their business anyway.

People will most likely just assume you got a mortgage. No need to correct them it it makes you uncomfortable.
As for potential partners, I think it’s good that you already have a house. It is an asset for your future. Just be vague about ownership etc with any new partners, to avoid men who are on the lookout for a woman they can leech off or screw over financially. Unless you get really serious with someone, the topic of exactly how much you own probably won’t even come up. Anyone who is too interested in the early stages should be viewed with suspicion. I assume most people won’t even give it much thought though. They will likely just assume you rent or have a mortgage.

Oh give over

YABU I think most people inherit something in their lifetimes and aditionally some get help from parents/other.

I didn't even think about it when I was 24 and became a homeowner! You're definitely overthinking. Most of us did it with help in one way or another (i only saved enough for a deposit because my parents charged a very small fee for living at home and they had put away savings since my birth.. which had obviously grown nicely!)

You’re totally over thinking this. Your friend is also bonkers......saying she wouldn’t “accept” money like this from family. It’s not a gift, it’s an inheritance. Bollocks would she refuse it.

I don’t think your friends would care/give it too much thought. I bought my first house when I was 21yo. My 19yo Dd has friends her age who have bought houses. It’s not a big deal.

Hi Op,

I wanted to reach out as I have been in similar situations, due to losing my parents and grandparents within 10 months of each other at 24 years old I was an only child so inherited a large sum of money.

At 25 I'd brought a 4 bed property and when we first moved in there was lots of looks and questions but any one who was nosey enough to ask I just said I came into some money and instead of wasting it I've invested it. I told my friends who at least to my face we're happy for me but the few that weren't aren't friends anyway and have disappeared off the radar.

Regarding partners I wouldn't worry about saying anything to begin with, just that you live in you own flat. Once it gets to a serious point you can tell them and again you could always say you invested the money into property. If you were to ever get married though I'd consider a pre nup/ contract saying XYZ is yours from previous inheritance prior to relationship.

Good luck and enjoy your new home, your grandad obviously felt you deserved it and would be proud your spending it so wisely x

I can see why the burden of your grandfather’s troubles might feel heavy, but could you try looking at it from a different angle? He was compensated for something terrible that happened to him, he didn’t spend it in life, perhaps because he felt conflicted about it too, but by giving you the money and giving you a leg up at such a young age he is breaking the cycle. Perhaps you could see your spending the money wisely and using it to live your best life as a way of honouring him and all that he suffered? I’m pretty sure he would be pleased you’ve made a wise decision in the way you’ve spent it, rather than frittering it away.
Try to separate out how you feel about the origin of the money and your worries about what people will think, I think perhaps they have got a bit knotted in your mind? Most people won’t ask, most people will assume you have a mortgage, but if they do ask it is up to you what you say. You can tell them the truth, including why your grandfather had the money, or not depending on how you feel - it’s none of their business and you don’t owe them an explanation.

I would feel conflicted about this too. Its hardly "good luck" when the money came to your grandfather through awful circumstances.

I wouldn't talk about the money with people but its not really the done thing anyway is it.

I'm sorry for the loss of your grandfather and the hard things he went through in his life.