To feel conflicted that I'll be a homeowner before 30?

[Maria53]

And it's mostly not through my own hard graft. I come from a fairly working class/lower middle class family.

I met my grandfather about 10 times in my whole lifetime - I wont get too deep into it, but he had a very hard childhood, where some very bad things happened which he ended up receiving a large pay out/compensation for. He never spent the money & was always mean with money while alive and struggled to have a proper relationship with any of us.

In the end we tried to have a relationship in the last couple of years of his life, I helped him out during his illness and I now have a large chunk of inheritance. I have just, as of today, become a homeowner using mostly this money and a portion of my own savings. I will be paying all legal fees and furnishings myself.

But I almost feel I dont deserve it? And I don't think I can mention it to my friends in any way, many of whom will struggle to own their own home for years. As I am currently single, I also worry what a future partner will think about this. AIBU?

I wouldn't overthink it. I assume you helped your grandfather during his later years because you wanted a relationship with him rather than expecting an inheritance. You can't control the fact his daughter was cruel to him and he chose to give most of his estate to you, so that's not something to feel guilt over. He could have chosen to give it to charity, but he clearly wanted you to have it.

As for friends, I don't think how we afforded our house deposits has ever come up in conversation, it's never occurred to me to ask. Mostly I'm more interested to see pictures/hear about what plans they have for decorating etc.

Life throws us unexpected stuff, I have a 2nd house left via a trust ( did not say what tho) , through inheritance.
Well managed, by an individual, all fair and legal, doesn’t bring in much tho.
Guilty def no, my own house via divorce settlement.
By wise, and tell a new partner, little before you really know them

As a 36yr old renter (due to life limiting disabilities) this thread is depressing

This is not a problem for you, enjoy your good fortune.

However, when Rishi is looking for places to gain the revenues he needs to plug the deficit it should be places like this. Not people who worked for their money (PAYE not dividends) not corporations needed to create jobs and generate growth.

Not popular with the silver vote so beloved of the Tories but the fairest place to look. God knows young people are bearing more than their share of economic suffering.

Inheritance is the obvious camp to raid.

@Andante57

Nothing to stop you giving your inheritance away if you fell that bad about it. Somehow I don’t think you will give it away, though.

^ This

You're being daft to discuss your financial affairs with anyone, and you're being especially daft to feel badly about being able to buy a home because of some ridiculous notion that you have earned it.

Live your life and be grateful for the inheritance.

*haven't earned

For heaven's sake, enjoy it! You have this blessing. Make the best of it. And ringfence it so no man takes it from you. Have a great life, set a fabulous example by enjoying what you have.

It’s not like anyone can suggest you give money to charity or do something good with the money to ease your guilt. You’ve already spent the money (on a house for yourself).

My DD owns her own flat because he DGM died and left her place to her. Sometimes the breaks fall your way. No reason for a guilt trip.

Why do you worry about what a man would thing?

It’s normal (thank goodness) for women to own houses nowadays. Why would he care that you own a home? Most men would be glad because it shows you’ve got an asset.

Many buyers buy because they’ve inherited some or all of their deposit, or been loaned it by parents.

Your worries are not only unfounded, they’re also a bit bizarre...

*think!

I would not spend any time thinking about this, and no worrying. You have been put in a fortunate position money wise,and this is good. But you really don't have to tell people about things that are a personal matter to you. There is no point in worrying about others who may not be able to own a home, just because you have been fortunate in doing so

I was a home owner at 22 (15 years ago). I don’t see what the issue is?

I didn’t work to buy it, but paying for the mortgage and bills was hard.

All fine and easy now.

YABU, but in a good way. He's repaying you for your time & care. You didn't ask for it, you didn't steal it, so where else would it have gone to someone it would have made a difference to?

Think of it as karma. The world is generally a crappy place. You've been given something that will help you along the way. Just pay it forward if & when you get the chance.

I actually understand how you feel. I spent most of my adult life living paycheck to paycheck. When my father died we discovered he had quite a bit of money. You would not have known it to look at him. He lived very frugally. I was able to buy a house with my share of the inheritance and I felt just like you. That I did not deserve it. But everyone knew how I got the money, it wasnt a secret. I've owned my house for 9 years now and I no longer feel like that. I just feel very fortunate that I was able to change my life and my kids lives thanks to my dear father.

Most people will assume that you have a mortgage on it. It let them continue that assumption.
I think to make the most of being mortgage free you should try to invest a reasonable amount into investment funds for the future. That could either be used to buy a bigger house in the future if you had children or that would help fund your retirement.
Should you marry ensure you seek legal advice to protect your house and assets.

Get on with it .

Enjoy it

Please forget about feeling conflicted and just enjoy your good fortune. You don't need to tell anyone except those you feel comfortable telling. Many people gain property via inherited money, it's not something shameful, and if anyone does take issue with it then the problem is theirs not yours.

I hate lying in general but it doesn't seem appropriate to be totally honest without seeing I am rubbing others faces in it.

Not telling people all the details is not lying. I bought my first home at 23 with my own money, but that is completely beside the point because I never would have justified anything to anyone. This money IS YOUR MONEY. Your grandfather left it to you so you could do with it as you wish. Stop wasting emotional energy worrying about what anyone thinks. It's simply not their business.

As someone who is considerably older than you are, I highly suggest you do not discuss your finances with anyone, including close friends, unless you get married.

Surely telling your friends you've Brought a house with your own cash that you saved up which you haven't is wrong, you need to tell them the truth, otherwise they are going to be like how have you saved up so much money but none of them have.
Just don't lecture your friends on them not buying a house when you have had financial help, I've a long list of friends who give out lectures to other non home owner friends who can't understand why they haven't brought a house when they have had between 20-50% deposit given to them by mummy and daddy.

What a drama queen.

Nobody's business but your own. True friends wont begrudge you, they will be pleased for you.

This is one of the reasons dp and myself fought so hard to keep our house, our parents dont own so all we'll inherit will be debt and bills. I want my children to benefit

"What a drama queen" are you that bored??

Why do people feel the need to be unpleasant? Its boring