To feel conflicted that I'll be a homeowner before 30?

[Maria53]

And it's mostly not through my own hard graft. I come from a fairly working class/lower middle class family.

I met my grandfather about 10 times in my whole lifetime - I wont get too deep into it, but he had a very hard childhood, where some very bad things happened which he ended up receiving a large pay out/compensation for. He never spent the money & was always mean with money while alive and struggled to have a proper relationship with any of us.

In the end we tried to have a relationship in the last couple of years of his life, I helped him out during his illness and I now have a large chunk of inheritance. I have just, as of today, become a homeowner using mostly this money and a portion of my own savings. I will be paying all legal fees and furnishings myself.

But I almost feel I dont deserve it? And I don't think I can mention it to my friends in any way, many of whom will struggle to own their own home for years. As I am currently single, I also worry what a future partner will think about this. AIBU?

If the property is mortgaged, it isn't that unusual. If you own it outright, yes unusual for someone with living parents who aren't loaded. But, no one knows. If you are worried you might end up with a cocklodger, you don't actually have to open with it when you first meet someone. Given that you are uncomfortable about the money I'd keep it under my hat for a while to see if I got used to it.

Total non issue - everyone I know owns a house and none are yet 30. And why would you even begin to worry about what some as yet hypothetical man thinks of a house you own? On the off chance someone would have a bizarre issue with it - you should be running for the hills form them anyway

I actually mentioned it to my best friend about 9 months ago she definitely had an attitude about it at first. Said she didnt personally think she would accept so much money from family (her family is much richer than mine as it happens). It made me feel bad at the time.

Since then she seems to have changed her tune. But she has a mortgage in principle now and believes getting a mortgage will be a struggle. So it isn't an easy topic, think I'll just say I bought the flat and leave it at that.

True friends will be happy for you, life is uneven and unfair. Surround yourself with people who will cheer on your successes and cushion your failures. Do the same for others.

You’ve had a lucky break, but sounding like it’s borne out of bad luck of another. You should use this opportunity to realise the power you have to turn bad into good, darkness into light. Don’t perpetuate any darkness through guilt.

In the nicest way possible OP, you’re being unreasonable. I was a single home owner by the age of 26. I had earned and saved roughly a quarter of the money I put down but the rest came from my grandmother. After she died, we sold her flat and as my dad and I are the only living relatives and the only people in her will, we got half of the money each. I bought my house with my share, which my husband and I are currently living in. Why should you be embarrassed because someone in your family had money and it was left to you after they died?! Some families are fortunate enough to be able to leave an inheritance for future generations. It is what it is.

Also, any man that would think negatively about you owning a house on your own and using money you inherited isn’t worth dating. My friends also all know I bought my house using a mixture of savings and inheritance. They don’t care and why would they?!

If you want to buy a house then do it. You don’t owe anyone an apology or explanation for inheriting that money.

I wouldn't say it was particularly unusual owning a home before the age of 30, its certainly the norm in my circle of friends, pretty working class area and South East so not cheap properties. I would say its more unusual to buy after 30 so it wouldn't cross my mind to think anything of it. I am 40 so a fair bit older but my friends kids who are early to mid 20s are now buying properties.

Also, quite a lot of people inherit money which helps them buy properties, I wouldn't say this us unusual or something to feel weird about.

I am completely baffled by what you think a man would think about it. I was 25 when I met DH, I owned a property as did he. I got my mortgage at 22. I dont think he thought anything other than it was handy as we could combine and have a smaller mortgage.

It’s no one else’s business. You really don’t need to explain yourself to friends or a future partner.

I can relate, having lost three grandparents and my mum by the time I was 15. When I came out of university my dad has life insurance, grandparents houses etc, so he did help my sisters and I have our own home. I do feel bad and also feel I would appreciate it and enjoy it more if I'd want it myself, but sometimes these are the cards we are dealt.

Well, every silver lining has a cloud for you, doesn't it - can't you just enjoy your good fortune (which is nobody's business but your own)?

Why tell friends or partners? There's no need. You're overthinking it.

Your friend ‘wouldn’t accept’ such a sum from family? That makes it sound like a gift from a living relative, not an inheritance. You can’t give it back and I’d suggest that they wouldn’t give it away if it was their inheritance! Even if they would, doesn’t mean you should - I’m sure your grandfather would be delighted with how you’ve used his money. There’s no need to discuss or explain it to anyone though...and if anyone asks how you came by the house I’d suggest they have a weird preoccupation with money and would be best avoided!

I (and everyone I know) would judge you more for having the option to give yourself a secure home but not due to worry of what others would think.

Enjoy your new home, stop worrying :)

I'm sure I've read this exact thread before.

I'm another one struggling to see the problem

All my friends are homeowners. It wouldnt interest me how much down payment they made, or how much their mortgage is - or even if they have no mortgage

It's not something we talk about

Probably best not to buy a lottery ticket, though - with your luck you might even win and whatever would people think?

Plenty of others will have it if you don’t want it. Give it to a charity that will do some good with it.

I hate to think what your life is like if you overthink things this much

Luck plays a huge part in life whether people accept that or not. This is your luck so you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about! Plenty of people get deposits and financial help from their parents these days as it’s the only way to get on the ladder.

I have very little idea who owns houses and who rents among my friends. It's not generally a topic of conversation unless you want it to be.

@Maria53

Do people think I should keep this quiet from friends generally? I am thinking I will just tell my closest friends and leave it at that.

I hate lying in general but it doesn't seem appropriate to be totally honest without seeing I am rubbing others faces in it.

No. You should be able to celebrate your first home,second home,3rd home...you get my point If your friends can't be happy for you then they aren't your friends. CONGRATS!!!!!. Open a bottle of champagne and celebrate

@Ihatefish I think that is part of why I feel the way i do. Because so much of the money came from compensation from a bad event, i think i feel i am carrying that somehow. I know how weird that sounds but there you go.

Of course i am very happy an grateful, just feeling a bit overwhelmed about how it would be perceived. Maybe I am overthinking it.

I was given a property at 23, some of my friends were pissed off.

My loveliest friend lost her Mum aged 11 and then both grandparents so inherited their estates too and she had the money put in trust for her. It has turned out to be enough for her to buy what most of us would see as a forever home aged 25. Does she feel torn, sad, out of step with her peers? Yes. I can see why it would feel like a benefit you didn't want under the circumstances but don't apologise for it. It is only a small part of your life and people in that life who matter won't make judgments based on it.

There are many people who won’t even get a sniff of the ladder in their lifetime.
Take the opportunities you can, be grateful and aware of your good fortune, and enjoy it.

Sorry, I pressed the wrong button.

Be glad! Well done. I'm delighted for you. You don't have to tell everybody and any future partner only has to know you have your own house, not the details. It's entirely your business.

It's good to hear of someone getting a leg up for a change. Enjoy your home, you have nothing to feel guilty about.