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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel conflicted that I'll be a homeowner before 30?

208 replies

Maria53 · 16/10/2020 22:00

And it's mostly not through my own hard graft. I come from a fairly working class/lower middle class family.

I met my grandfather about 10 times in my whole lifetime - I wont get too deep into it, but he had a very hard childhood, where some very bad things happened which he ended up receiving a large pay out/compensation for. He never spent the money & was always mean with money while alive and struggled to have a proper relationship with any of us.

In the end we tried to have a relationship in the last couple of years of his life, I helped him out during his illness and I now have a large chunk of inheritance. I have just, as of today, become a homeowner using mostly this money and a portion of my own savings. I will be paying all legal fees and furnishings myself.

But I almost feel I dont deserve it? And I don't think I can mention it to my friends in any way, many of whom will struggle to own their own home for years. As I am currently single, I also worry what a future partner will think about this. AIBU?

OP posts:
Palaver1 · 17/10/2020 07:57

Don’t over think it
Don’t talk about your finances this is your business only
Very important
In the future you really must get advice before co habiting and marriage
This really is what you should concern yourself with.
It was very kind of you to support your grandfather
Do enjoy your new home,

BestOfABadLot · 17/10/2020 08:03

By all means be modest about it. You don't need tomake gushing posts on facebook about being a home owner etc but you have nothing to feel guilty about. You were nice to a quite difficult man and he left you some money. No one worth knowing would think the less of you for that.

sunshinerays · 17/10/2020 08:03

YABU - seriously.

30 isn't that you g to be a homeowner

ScubaSteven · 17/10/2020 08:04

Don’t justify your financial situation to anyone. And especially to a future partner who doesn’t exist yet, even when they do. You’re leaving yourself wide open and vulnerable to someone who will use you for financial gain. Stop thinking you don’t deserve what you have.

Metallicalover · 17/10/2020 08:07

Got a mortgage at 24, no inheritance, just my savings. Didn't feel the need to go and tell everyone I got a mortgage and what money I used to pay my deposit.
Everyone has different situations, just get on with your life

CallmeMrsScavo · 17/10/2020 08:11

Just acknowledge you were gifted something other people work hard for. No point feeling guilty about it. Most people who own a house before 30 got given it. The reason YABU is because you've said "it's mostly through my own hard graft". No it isn't. You were given the money. No one will be bitter/annoyed/frustrated/upset with you for owning a house, they will be bitter/annoyed/frustrated/upset with you acting like you earned it through hard work when you didn't.

UntamedWisteria · 17/10/2020 08:14

I was a homeowner at 25. You could say I worked hard for it, I bought it with money I had earned and a mortgage, no handouts from anyone. And at a time when house prices were a lot cheaper than they are now.

But the reality is I was born into a middle class privileged family and had a fantastic education which allowed me to get the kind of job which paid the salary I would need to do this. I was just lucky in a different way to you OP.

You deserve your house every bit as much as I do.

Bluebellbike · 17/10/2020 08:19

YABU. Enjoy it. Nobody needs to know from where you Grandfather received the money which you inherited. My daughter bought her home just before she was 30 with a deposit from me and a mortgage. Her friends think she is fortunate. She didn't actually put any money of her own in as she had just graduated and started her first job so had no savings. My son bought his home last year at the age of 23.Same deposit as his sister from me but he had saved over £20k himself whilst working long hours for 3 years in a minimum wage job. His purchase is a bigger achievement in my opinion. He has a similar mortgage to my DD but a Help to Buy loan lurking in the background, which makes him less fortunate than his sister.

SqidgeBum · 17/10/2020 08:23

I was a home owner at 26 because DHs aunt died and he inherited a large sum of money from her. Technically it was his money, and I did have a 5% deposit saved to contribute, but we bought a house which we signed as 50/50, so I ended up owning a home equally as a result of a woman i met once!

I felt like i didnt deserve it, and i didnt, but then again, it was just the way the dice fell. I pay the mortgage, work, we are an equal couple.

Sometimes things just work out the way they do. You just go with it.

Or you give all the money away to charity and spend the next 10 years desperately cobbling together a deposit while renting. Up to you.

Glitterb · 17/10/2020 08:25

Who needs to know the reason why? The money was left to you so why not to invest the money in the house, people would think a lot worse of you if you blew the money on handbags, holidays and drink!

I have bought a house recently at 30 and this is because my Mum passed away. It has left me feeling bittersweet as well so I understand

Breakupcharlie · 17/10/2020 08:27

I’d keep it schum from any future partners and if you marry to get a prenup!

As for friend nobody really asks. I know my best friend had some help getting into the property ladder as she had some inheritance (she also worked bloody hard/saved for three years). I never asked her how she did it as I just presumed because she was saving/didn’t really think about it.

Skigal86 · 17/10/2020 08:30

I inherited my house from my grandparents, most of my friends know this, mainly because they’ve been my friends for a long time and they knew my grandparents and where they lived. I’ve never experienced any negativity over it and I have no idea how they came to own the homes they do. I also co own a house overseas with my mum, someone once went on about how lucky I was to have that until I pointed out that I only co owned it because my dad had died and left me his share, they shut up after that! (It wasn’t just a passing comment, they REALLY went on about it) .

CausingChaos2 · 17/10/2020 08:32

My ex had a lovely mortgage free house bought for him by his parents. If you’re fretting about what people will think, maybe just don’t tell them? Your finances are no one else’s business. Although FWIW my exes friends were just pleased for him, your friend sounds jealous.

stillfeelingmad · 17/10/2020 08:35

I totally get this and I don't think it's a stealth boast, people are thick sometimes and just think "oh
Lucky then getting a windfall of money"
While the money is of course helpful, inheritance brings up very complex feelings and that's ungrateful it's just human.
You helped
Your grandad out and even if you hadn't ot was his money to leave as he chooses, people get on the housing ladder all sorts of ways. Why not set up a direct debit to a charity to share the good fortune or take a friend in as a lodger at below market rate just paying a nominal rent and half the bills

LST · 17/10/2020 08:36

I was 29 and the only reason we managed is because both me and dp were made redundant at the same time. Bit of a crappy situation at the time but after we got a new job each it made sense to buy a house.

Jeschara · 17/10/2020 08:41

Enjoy your good fortune OP, you were the one who stepped up and helped your Grandad.
Ignore your jealous friend, ignore the spiteful posters who are saying stealth boast, now stop worrying and enjoy.

mrsmummy1111 · 17/10/2020 08:41

YABU and giving yourself too much credit. People really won't give a shit

mvmvmvmv · 17/10/2020 08:41

@Maria53 do you have a mortgage on it? Or own in outright??

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 17/10/2020 08:48

I understand OP, I would feel the same. But I probably would tell close friends about it. I would also try my best to recognise my good fortune around them, so they at least know I realised how lucky I was.
Its much worse when someone has good fortune and still bleats on about being skint.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 17/10/2020 08:50

OP, I think you are being very hard in yourself, and funnily enough that seems to be giving some posters the idea that they can chuck harshness too.

In your shoes I would be conscious that you have benefitted from the hardship that your DGF endured. But that wasn’t your responsibility, and if all the people in his life it sounds as if you made him feel appreciated.

He made his decision: he wanted you to have this money.

Step into it with gratitude, yes, but also confidence. He has given you a future more free if money worries, and with more choices therefore available. Don’t burrow down in embarrassment, get out there and make the best of your life!

Maybe say “I was lucky to be able to match my savings with an inheritance from my grandfather. I feel sad at what he went through in his life, he had a hard life (don’t elaborate) but so grateful that he included me in his will”

Show your gratitude, which demonstrated that you are not swanning around taking It for granted, but do enjoy it!

Yes, open a bottle of champagne and toast your grandfather and your new home.

JollyAndBright · 17/10/2020 08:52

We are mid 30’s now but since our mid/late 20’s DP and I have been mortgage free.

We bought our house and paid off the mortgage with a portion of a large pay out offer an accident.

We also bought a few nice things, DP has a sports car (not a super expensive one, but one he has been in love with since his teens) and a couple of nice motorbikes and the money and being mortgage free has enabled us to not have to work excessively, do jobs we enjoy and just enjoy life a bit more.

We decided a long time ago not to tell people about being mortgage free or about the money we received.
Only family and a couple of very close friends know.
If was mainly decided because of the way DP sister acted (and continued to act over the last decade) she began repeatedly asking use for money or to buy her things or pay bills for her because “you got all that money, it’s not like you can’t afford it”

We just see it as our personal finances and it’s not really anyone’s business.
If anyone directly asks we say we either say we still have a mortgage or more often than not just say we don’t like discussing finances.

RoseGoldEagle · 17/10/2020 08:52

I actually mentioned it to my best friend about 9 months ago she definitely had an attitude about it at first. Said she didnt personally think she would accept so much money from family

This did raise a bit of a wry smile! I think if she actually got an inheritance herself it might be a different story...

Agree with others that you shouldn’t feel guilty, but if I were you I wouldn’t really discuss the financial side with anyone, it’s none of their business.

Stellaroses · 17/10/2020 08:52

If any friends have a problem with you having some good luck, they're not real friends, are they?

Owning a home is really not that big a deal. In a few years most of your friends probably will - and won't remember that you did it 3 years before them.

On the other hand, I wouldn't feel the need to post about it on fb or throw a champagne popping party on the occasion!

nearlynermal · 17/10/2020 08:54

OP, life will bring you both windfalls and setbacks. Make the most of this. You don't know what the future will bring.

Nottherealslimshady · 17/10/2020 08:58

I owned a house from 21yo. Not once has anyone asked how I paid for it. I think you're making this a bigger thing than it is. Inheritance is not a new concept.