Sil selling baby things we gave her

[Theterrible42s]

I can't decide whether to get annoyed about this or not really. I keep seeing things we handed down to SIL for sale on local Facebook groups, so it's not even like she's trying to do it on the sly. It is making me feel as though I probably won't give her any more stuff, I'll just take it to the charity shop (if they actually want it obvs) or donate to a local clothes bank etc. It's also making me grit my teeth a bit when she describes things as "barely worn" and I'm thinking, "er, I got that second hand and my kids wore the shit out of it". Mention it or let it go?

Did you want them back?

Let it go for now, but make a mental note to never give her a single thing again.

What would you like her to do with it when she's finished with it? Give it back to you or pass it on for free to somebody else?

I wouldn't give her any more. I'd leave it, unless I was feeling particularly annoyed in which case I might comment "barely worn?! 😂" on one post

When I give clothes/baby things away I always stipulate that I'm happy for them to be passed on for FREE but not sold.

If they don't have anyone to pass to I'll take them back to give to charity.

I'd think she is being a bit cheeky to not offer you any of the cash for them but if her kids have grown out of them and it's not going online the same week you hand them over then I probably couldn't get too worked up. I'd start limiting what I hand over though.

Meh if you were only planning on giving them away for nothing anyway why are you so bothered?

What do you want her to do with them?

Why would she do it on the sly? You gave her things you no longer had a use for, and now she had her use of them, she's also getting rid of them.

If you wanted them back, you needed to tell her that—or better yet not give them in the first place— but if you gave them to her to keep, then they are hers to sell/pass on/throw in the bin. She must be pretty hard up if she's selling them on FB, used baby clothes really don't fetch very much.

Unless you planned to sell them I don’t really see the issue

You said you gave them to her, which means they’re hers and she can do what she likes with them. What an odd thing to be pissed off about.

I think it’s cheeky. If she’s really desperate for cash, I could understand it, but it’s not something I’d do.

Just stop giving her clothes if it winds you up.

I would let it go but probably wouldn't give her anything further. It seems poor taste but unless you made it clear you wanted the stuff back, then it hers to do what she wants with.

Just ask her if she can give them back to you when she is done with them if it bothers you.

I think it's cheeky to sell things you've been given for free. On the other hand I've got so much second hand stuff I'd struggle to remember what was given and what I bought myself from eBay etc so it's possible she just hasn't kept track?

If someone gave me things on the condition I didn't sell them, or wanted them back for that matter, I'd probably decline.

Did you want them back? If not, I wouldn't be upset about it. You have her the stuff so she can do what she likes with it. Would you rather she chucked it all out? Maybe she doesn't have anyone else to hand it down to? I couldn't be bothered to get riled up about it tbh.

Next time tell her you've got stuff to give her and when she acts all excited, say that actually you're going to put them on eBay but she is welcome to bid for them!

I would never sell anything I had been given. I have given away all the things I bought for my own child. I think it would be so nice if this could be a sort of unspoken rule, that things can get passed on for free to others. Of course I appreciate that this isn't possible for many of us and any money that can be got back from expensive baby items can be extremely useful. I think it's a bit cheeky of her not to even ask if you wanted them back to pass on to anyone, etc. It doesn't sit well with me to sell things you've been given but each to their own. I wouldn't give her much else though - give it to charity or someone else who could use them instead.

My SIL did this and it made me stop giving her things. Moses basket. Clothes. Bouncer chair. To name a few.

It doesn't sit right with me to make money off things that have been given to you free. The giver could have sold them but chose to do something kind for another parent to save them money.

I often sell things that were bought by us, but anything I was given for free I pass on to other parents or take to a charity shop.

Are you against people selling second hand clothes? You gave them, her child wore them. Unless you stipulated that you wanted them back, why should you care if she gets a few £ for them, gives them away or uses them as dusters?

I do think it's a bit cheeky to sell things you've been given. If I ever had things gifted to me I'd always either pass them on or take to a charity shop. There's nothing wrong with her selling the stuff, you did gift them after all, but it does feel like making a profit out of someone else's generosity.

Pass it on has always been my take on gifted 'stuff'

I don't agree with what she's doing, but you gave her those items and they now belong to her. Confronting her about it will only cause problems that you may not be able to resolve. This isn't a hill worth dying on.

I'd always expect things to be passed on to someone else who needed them if they were given as hand-me-downs, but never did specify this. I'm not going to kick off but equally won't give her any more things as it does feel a bit off.

I honestly wouldn't care in the least, it's not like it was something precious that you expected her to keep forever. Sell them yourself instead of giving them yo her tho if you want the cash??

No I'm not against people selling second hand clothes, but as pp have said it doesn't feel in the spirit of hand me downs.