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Original poster

Sil selling baby things we gave her

206 replies

Theterrible42s · 05/10/2020 13:34

I can't decide whether to get annoyed about this or not really. I keep seeing things we handed down to SIL for sale on local Facebook groups, so it's not even like she's trying to do it on the sly. It is making me feel as though I probably won't give her any more stuff, I'll just take it to the charity shop (if they actually want it obvs) or donate to a local clothes bank etc. It's also making me grit my teeth a bit when she describes things as "barely worn" and I'm thinking, "er, I got that second hand and my kids wore the shit out of it". Mention it or let it go?

OP posts:
Aridane · 05/10/2020 13:54

When I give clothes/baby things away I always stipulate that I'm happy for them to be passed on for FREE but not sold

That’s a good idea

Aridane · 05/10/2020 13:54

I'd always expect things to be passed on to someone else who needed them if they were given as hand-me-downs, but never did specify this. I'm not going to kick off but equally won't give her any more things as it does feel a bit off

I agree

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 05/10/2020 13:55

I was handed down some clothes from a distant relative - and then asked for them back as they wanted to give them to someone else.

I was abit surprised, but at least I hadn’t sold them.🤣

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/10/2020 13:57

I understand OP.

They were handed down yto yu and you handed them on. Now, rather than continue to hand on the clothes that still have life in them she is selling them... making profit from your generosity and the peson who gifted them to you! Worse, she is selling them under false pretences, Sales of Goods Act still applies!

I don't understand the "did you want them back ; I couldn't be bothered by this" style comments. Not that she is commiting a crime but that she is showing herself to be a greedy, selfish person! But I suppose there are plenty of Takers everywhere!

Like you, OP, I'd stop giving and, if she ever asks, would say, I'd rather sell them myself than give them to you to sell! She can't argue with that!

GarlicMonkey · 05/10/2020 13:58

That would annoy me. If I've finished with something I've had given for free, I always ask if the person wants it back or if I should pass it on (for free). I wouldn't be giving her anything else.

ItalianHat · 05/10/2020 13:59

When I give clothes/baby things away I always stipulate that I'm happy for them to be passed on for FREE but not sold

Yes, it's the selling them that's cheeky. Grasping, actually.

jessstan1 · 05/10/2020 14:02

Let it go, she may be in need of a few bob. When you give something it is no longer yours and the recipient can do what they like with it.

TuttiFrutti · 05/10/2020 14:05

I don't see the problem with this. You gave them to her, they are hers now, she can do what she likes with them surely?

It can be a lot of effort to sell things, taking photos, writing descriptiions. You would only do this if you really need the money. I wouldn't begrudge her the few pounds she will make for all that work.

ZowieCavie · 05/10/2020 14:06

Do you think it’s possible she doesn’t specifically remember who gave her what? When my kids were babies it used to stress me out trying to remember who gave me what and so I said please don’t give me anything you want back. Maybe she’s just having a clear out as kids grow bigger. If she can be bothered selling them I guess she must need the money - so I wouldn’t get upset if I were you. I presume you wanted all this stuff out of your house so job done?

BlueJava · 05/10/2020 14:08

If you've given her things and not asked for them back (when you gave them) I think they are hers to sell on. Personally, though, I wouldn't be giving any more - I'm sure you can find a more deserving cause, or sell them on yourself. I used to sell on stuff my DCs grew out of and put the money in their savings accounts.

DianaT1969 · 05/10/2020 14:09

Another thing about receiving baby clothes - you don't always remember where they came from. If your SIL had taken a hit on income due to Covid and needed to raise some money, would you feel the same?

Original poster
Theterrible42s · 05/10/2020 14:11

Yeah that's true, she might well not remember. It's no biggie really is it. And good point too about the hassle of selling stuff online. Tbh though it does fit a pattern of her rinsing people when she sees an opportunity, so it's left a bit of a bad taste.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 05/10/2020 14:14

I wouldn't be bothered what people did with some hand me downs. Lots of people try to sell anything to make a bit of cash, so even hand me downs.

movingonup20 · 05/10/2020 14:15

It does depend on whether she's short of money and doesn't want to say, if she even remembers and also past behaviour. My friend sold on things I gave her but she did ask if I wanted them and offered half the money, I knew she really needed the money though, that's why she was selling on baby stuff

loveyouradvice · 05/10/2020 14:16

I agree with Nora, this is what I did too....

When I give clothes/baby things away I always stipulate that I'm happy for them to be passed on for FREE but not sold.

If they don't have anyone to pass to I'll take them back to give to charity.

And yes I would say something - when you next give her something - Perhaps just say you felt uncomfortable her selling things you had given her and that you would prefer other people to have them for free.....

oakleaffy · 05/10/2020 14:16

@IndecentFeminist

I wouldn't give her any more. I'd leave it, unless I was feeling particularly annoyed in which case I might comment "barely worn?! 😂" on one post
This.

If they are used by her before being sold, fair enough.
Otherwise drop off at a charity shop.

EmpressSuiko · 05/10/2020 14:17

Why do you care?
When I give things away I don’t care what happens to them anymore.
I’ve given away plenty of baby clothing, toys etc and not once have I thought twice about what happens to them, if my friends/family wish to sell it on then good for them, gets them some extra money that might be really needed.
I think it sounds really childish to stop giving her anything, you’d rather give to a charity shop than help your family because you feel annoyed over her selling the items on, does it really make any difference to you?

UpToonGirl · 05/10/2020 14:18

I used to donate all of my old baby stuff either to charity shops/friends or FB charity groups, however all of my local charity shops have stopped accepting donations, none of my friends have children who are the right age (or want) hand me downs and I've been in touch with a few charities but none are within walking distance for drop off and I don't drive. TBH I've been selling stuff recently just to make sure it's out of the house!

If you didn't expect it back I don't see why you would mind too much. Maybe your sister just needs it all gone and this is the best way.

oakleaffy · 05/10/2020 14:18

@Theterrible42s

Yeah that's true, she might well not remember. It's no biggie really is it. And good point too about the hassle of selling stuff online. Tbh though it does fit a pattern of her rinsing people when she sees an opportunity, so it's left a bit of a bad taste.
I couldn't be arsed selling a few clothes online , either...So would just Charity shop them in future.
mrsm43s · 05/10/2020 14:18

If I handed over a bag of clothes/equipment, and I saw it instantly uploaded to a selling site I'd be a bit miffed.

But if I'd passed stuff on to someone, and they'd used it for their own children and then were having a clear out of outgrown stuff I wouldn't give it a thought if some of the items that I'd gifted were amongst the stuff being sold.

So I guess I'd think it was cheeky if it was taken under false pretences (saying they could use it, but actually intending to sell it), but not cheeky if taken as offered, used and then subsequently sold as part of a general clear out.

Nottherealslimshady · 05/10/2020 14:19

I dont agree with this, it's not like when you buy someone a present, its theirs to do with as they please. But when you give things to someone at a time they need them then I'd expect them to at least ask if you want them back when they no longer need them. Like we gave FIL a dashcam we didnt need but he did, I'd be pissed off if he sold it.
I'd send a message and say "Hey SIL, just wanted to ask, if DN grows out of those clothes we gave you could you send them back to us, such-and-such would like them. Thanks:)"

QueenBlueberries · 05/10/2020 14:21

Ask for the clothes back. The ones she already sold. Tell her it's to give to a good cause.

Seriously, I wouldn't give her anything else, I'd probably give them to a charity instead.

Regularsizedrudy · 05/10/2020 14:21

Let it gooooo let it goooooooooooo

peboh · 05/10/2020 14:21

Once I've passed things on to people, I don't care what they do with them.
I personally wouldn't sell hand me downs, but give them for free. However I'm not hard up for cash, so perhaps to give her the benefit of the doubt are they struggling financially?

Bumble84 · 05/10/2020 14:22

If you didn’t stipulate what should happen when she was done with them you can’t really get annoyed. Granted she should have maybe offered you some money for them originally (I always would). I think as pp said it’s maybe a good idea to say ‘once you’re done with these pass them on but please don’t sell them’

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