Sil selling baby things we gave her

[Theterrible42s]

I can't decide whether to get annoyed about this or not really. I keep seeing things we handed down to SIL for sale on local Facebook groups, so it's not even like she's trying to do it on the sly. It is making me feel as though I probably won't give her any more stuff, I'll just take it to the charity shop (if they actually want it obvs) or donate to a local clothes bank etc. It's also making me grit my teeth a bit when she describes things as "barely worn" and I'm thinking, "er, I got that second hand and my kids wore the shit out of it". Mention it or let it go?

I hand stuff down because I seriously cannot be bothered with selling it (fbook and ebay are pita).

If whoever I've handed it down to can be arsed to sell them, good on them.

I wouldn't get worked up about this. In fact I would much prefer she sold them on to them going to landfill, at least it's not wasted.

It wouldn't bother me.

It's especially cheeky when the person that has been given lots of expensive children's clothes, nursery furniture, toys etc, sells them and then claims in the divorce papers that her SIL has never, ever done anything for them!

@bettytaghetti.
That was rude of her!

Do we have the same SIL?!
Mine asked me not to buy anymore personalised gifts for her DC because she couldn’t sell them on after. We are talking things like having her DC’s name embroidered onto a baby blanket. Things it wouldn’t have occurred to me to try and flog.

Oh that's cheeky too.

YABU if you didn't ask for them back. You gave them to her, they're hers. So they're helping her even more if she's getting a little bit for them as well - presumably she needs the money.

LET. IT. GO.

Once they are out of your house, they are out of your life and out of your control. Just don't give it a second's thought.

I think if it bothers you, you have to stipulate up front what you want to happen with them.

A work colleague once very generously gave me a huge laundry bag full of nice baby clothes, and said on handing them over that whatever I didn't want or need should be passed onto a particular charity. I was happy to oblige.

MN needs a topic called "Someone sold something I gave/lent them" it would be full within a couple of weeks with threads with the same old posts

I was gifted a few bigger items (swing, bouncer etc) that we've used but DD has now outgrown. The items we've been given, I've passed them on or taken them to charity, I'd feel cheeky selling items that I haven't paid anything for.

If I'd given someone something and then they had sold it on, I'd be annoyed but I'd get over it and remind myself never to give them anything else.

I would think making useful bundles of clothes e.g. vest, socks and outfit and giving them to a refuge or similar would be a nice way to dispose of unwanted clothing.
I wish I'd thought more when mine were little, I think a friend got most of my dc's clothes.

sleepingbeauty wow that's definitely pure cheek!

We have just had a similar dilemma.
Just been sorting through all our DD clothes, some were gifted, some were bought second hand and it's hard to know what is what.
We have nobody to pass them onto and didnt want to take them to the tip so listed them on Facebook market place instead.

Don't give any more to her.
Cheeky mare.

I think it's very cheeky! I was given loads of things for my kids and it felt only right to pass them on for free.

Her selling them for cash when you could have sold them for cash instead of giving her the benefit makes her a pretty cheeky person. It would be different if she gave them away, no issue at all.

I honestly don’t see the issue - once you give someone something they can do what they like with it. I don’t know who bought what or what I bought and you can’t keep everything so may as well sell it on.

I wouldn’t give it any headspace - if it bothers you don’t give her anything else.

I agree that if you're given things for free the right thing to do is then to pass on free to someone else

Cheeky. I’d stop giving her stuff, or just give her the crappy items.

This is a pet peeve of mine OP. I think it’s really cheeky. Something similar happened to me - gave SIL a side board to use when she moved into her own house and she later sold it (for a huge amount less than it was worth) without so much of a word to us. Didn’t check if we wanted it back/wanted to donate - just sold it cheap, I was not too happy.

Whereas I agree that once you've given them, they're hers to do as she pleases, but I think there's a certain level of common courtesy that dictates you shouldn't sell something you were gifted. I'd be a bit pissed off but wouldn't say anything, just wouldn't give her anything in future.

Whoops I didn't know this was a no-no. I bought most baby items myself but was gifted a few new high value items. I've just sold all my baby equipment on Ebay (clothes and blankets were given to charity) and reinvested the profit to get my kids bikes & toys. I'll be selling those on too when they've outgrown them and reinvesting in items for them again and so on. Similarly I have given the gifters a few high price items for their babies and would be pleased if they managed to sell them once they've finished with it. I have to add though my family, friends and in laws are mostly minimalist people and we tend to get rid of things we don't need quite quickly (could be a cultural thing).

I'd be disgruntled too, OP. I find that there is a bit of a code about hand-me-down stuff, that you should pay it forward to somebody else who needs it rather than make money for something you were gifted. At least that's the case in my social circle. I suppose I don't think it's OK to sell on gifts full stop, but when somebody has chosen to give you something useful for free you should recognise the kindness they've done you.

When I have a clear-out I always check with the original lender that they don't want things back, or mind me giving them to charity.