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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sil selling baby things we gave her

206 replies

Theterrible42s · 05/10/2020 13:34

I can't decide whether to get annoyed about this or not really. I keep seeing things we handed down to SIL for sale on local Facebook groups, so it's not even like she's trying to do it on the sly. It is making me feel as though I probably won't give her any more stuff, I'll just take it to the charity shop (if they actually want it obvs) or donate to a local clothes bank etc. It's also making me grit my teeth a bit when she describes things as "barely worn" and I'm thinking, "er, I got that second hand and my kids wore the shit out of it". Mention it or let it go?

OP posts:
Oldraver · 05/10/2020 16:20

I would at least comment 'yes please' on her posts

(though hate that really as a request)

ShopoholicIn · 05/10/2020 16:22

Yes wouldn't like it either.. she should have checked with u on what u wanted to do with those..

Chestnutacorns123 · 05/10/2020 16:27

Amazed at some of the responses. I think it's very rude and I would expect her to pass them on for free to someone else or give to charity.

blueluce85 · 05/10/2020 16:31

Anything my sister gifted me, if I felt it was sellable I sold it and gave her the cash. When I gift things to people I ask them to gift it on after they are done, I don't think it is unreasonable to expect someone to pass something on for free that was gifted to them

SpilltheTea · 05/10/2020 16:38

The only thing that would annoy me is the 'barely worn' lie

MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 05/10/2020 16:41

Yeah it's rude of her.
I would be reluctant to give her anything again.

Spiderbaby8 · 05/10/2020 16:42

I never really got why people think this is cheeky. It seems weirdly controlling. If you give something away then it's nothing to do with you anymore. Maybe she can't always remember who gave her what. Are people supposed to label items so they can give them back? I would just refuse the stuff if it came with conditions, especially clothes. I can't be bothered to sell stuff, list it, deal with sellers so if someone I gave stuff to does good luck to them.

Mountainpika · 05/10/2020 16:44

Sew a little coloured thread in each item of clothing before giving them away so you can check if they were yours if need be.

Selling gifted baby items is a cheek. I'm in the pass them on camp.

maddening · 05/10/2020 16:49

Generally for me, if someone gave me something free to use then when I finish With it I would give them the option and if they did not want it back would generally pay it forward by guving it in to someone, so in the spirit that I received it. If it was worth money then I would offer it back to the person first so they could sell it, if they declined u would be free to sell it but would likely give them a cut as they purchased originally but I did the work to sell it.

If something was given to me as a birthday present for example then that is my property outright to do whatever I want with.

Whilst she is doing nothing illegal it leaves a bad taste in the mouth Imo and Yanbu to direct your giving where you want.

Pricklylittlecactus · 05/10/2020 16:54

They're not yours anymore.
Maybe she can't afford to but more clothes so is selling them to buy more

Xiaoxiong · 05/10/2020 16:59

YANBU. It never occurred to me that people would do this, but after years of reading MN I now specify when I hand things on that I don't want them back and they should hand them on to someone else for free, or to a charity shop.

Sunshine1235 · 05/10/2020 17:05

I don’t think it’s really a big deal, I’ve got piles of baby/toddler clothes that I want to get rid of. I might put some bundles up for sale, I know some of it was handed down from friends or my SIL and others were brand new gifts from friends, I can’t really remember what came from where though. I’d hope that those people wouldn’t be trying to spot ‘their’ things and judge me for trying to raise a bit of cash towards the next load of kids clothes but I guess going by this thread lots of people would 🤷🏻‍♀️ I always ask when people give me hand me downs whether they’ll want them back. You could easily donate them to a charity shop and someone sell them on at a mark up, really who cares

AryaStarkWolf · 05/10/2020 17:11

@Mountainpika

Sew a little coloured thread in each item of clothing before giving them away so you can check if they were yours if need be.

Selling gifted baby items is a cheek. I'm in the pass them on camp.

Why would you bother your arse to this? Why do people care that much, unless you actually wanted the stuff back why is it such an issue? bloody hell people get annoyed about the stupidest things
Callardandbowser · 05/10/2020 17:11

What if she's really struggling financially?
You may be blind to your own privilege.

CherryBlossomTree7 · 05/10/2020 17:44

As a pp said, she may be struggling financially.

I would initially be annoyed just as you are. She is profitting off of your goowill. But...she could desparately need this money.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 05/10/2020 17:47

I donate some things, I give away some things , I sell some things and I throw away some things.

Am I fuck going to waste the time to try and remember where each item comes from, was it a gift,was it a hand me down, did i buy it really cheap from a charity shop/ebay and am I now making a profit and being a horrible human being. Hell, I can barely remember what I gave to other people , much less realise they're selling it and get pissy over it.

If you can't truly let go of your things ,then stop giving them away. It's your problem not your SIL's.

user1471538283 · 05/10/2020 17:48

I used to give DSs things away for free but I did expect a thank you. One friend of a friend never thanked me so she got nothing again much to the friend's upset. Once they are out of your possession they are gone although I would be annoyed at her selling them rather than giving them away

ElevenSmiles · 05/10/2020 18:00

Why do you care if she makes a few quid from clothes that have already been worn by at least three kids.

muckandnettles · 05/10/2020 18:01

Something like this happened to me when I gave a pregnant neighbour a load of baby things - equipment as well as clothes - and then we had a conversation quite some time later and she'd had a car boot sale and sold the lot and was halfway through telling me how well it all went and how much money they made and it obviously dawned on her! I just thought it was a little cheeky to tell me how much money she made, but really I'd given the stuff away so I felt it was hers. I think you just sort of expect someone to do the same favour for other people and give the stuff to someone else, not profit from it. The couple were both professionals, both in work.

howtobe · 05/10/2020 18:05

It’s profiting from someone’s generosity so YANBU

OverTheRainbow88 · 05/10/2020 18:07

Does she need the money?

AriettyHomily · 05/10/2020 18:08

Vacant you be arsed to sell them? If so ask for them back but you gifted them without stipulation.

eatsleepread · 05/10/2020 18:09

It's cheeky. YANBU.

VenusTiger · 05/10/2020 18:12

Is she selling them on straight away? If so, yes CF but if they've been worn/used and outgrown then I don't see a problem as she might not have anyone else to pass them onto.

Marchitectmummy · 05/10/2020 18:19

I think if you have given something away its for them to choose what to do with it, unless you have stipulated you want it back.

I think her selling is a better option than binning, but I think she could consider giving you some money.

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