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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sil selling baby things we gave her

206 replies

Theterrible42s · 05/10/2020 13:34

I can't decide whether to get annoyed about this or not really. I keep seeing things we handed down to SIL for sale on local Facebook groups, so it's not even like she's trying to do it on the sly. It is making me feel as though I probably won't give her any more stuff, I'll just take it to the charity shop (if they actually want it obvs) or donate to a local clothes bank etc. It's also making me grit my teeth a bit when she describes things as "barely worn" and I'm thinking, "er, I got that second hand and my kids wore the shit out of it". Mention it or let it go?

OP posts:
Igotthemheavyboobs · 05/10/2020 18:22

I'm just impressed people seem to be able to remeber where there stuff came from! I can't even remeber what bits I bought and which bits were given and from whom.

I was lucky, I was the middle of 3 friends who had boys quite close together, anything I don't want to keep in his memory box gets sent on to the next lady. I couldn't care less what happens to the clothes, as long as we don't end up having them back to store.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 05/10/2020 18:24

@howtobe

It’s profiting from someone’s generosity so YANBU
It's not generosity if it comes with strings attached and judgement.
Howlooseisyourgoose · 05/10/2020 18:24

Are we talking a few babygros that your babies 'wore the shit out of' or higher value stuff like moses basket, high chair etc?

blueberrypie0112 · 05/10/2020 18:25

Would it bother you less if she passed it Down to someone and that someone decided to sell it or she gave it to thrift store and someone brought it and resell it? Or does it bother you that she does it?

Imworthit · 05/10/2020 18:39

You don't own them anymore

and didn't ask for them to be returned

If you don't like it mention it

thriftyhen · 05/10/2020 18:45

When I give something to someone, then it's theirs and what they do with it is up to them; keep it, sell it, give it away. I really don't care.

If I were to loan something to someone, then I would make it clear at the outset that I would want it back.

SnackSizeRaisin · 05/10/2020 18:55

If you don't have anyone to pass things on to I think selling it is fine. Buying second hand baby things from a grubby charity shop is a bit icky (apart from clothes that can be washed). Also charity shops are often insanely expensive or not taking donations.
Would people really buy Moses baskets for a newborn from a charity shop? It's better to sell for a fiver - then someone who needs it can get it cheap without the grim charity smell.
If I accept things I always ask what people want doing after I've finished with them. And I always pass on free if there's anyone suitable. But if not, selling it is more likely to get it to someone who needs it than charity shop.

Original poster
Theterrible42s · 05/10/2020 19:24

Hmm interesting. Some people seem to be getting quite cross with me which isn't really necessary; I did say I wasn't that arsed but it just seemed a bit off. None of us are well off but neither are we on the breadline, it's not really about money anyway. I just always thought the unwritten rule was to pass goodwill on rather than profit from it. Anyway, thanks for your perspectives.

OP posts:
Rubbleonthedouble1 · 05/10/2020 19:49

Comment something like “ahhh I recognise this!”

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey · 05/10/2020 20:35

If you gave these second-hand clothes to your SIL, as opposed to loaning them to her, surely she is free to do what she likes with them? What reason would you possibly have to be annoyed?

Quietlyloud · 05/10/2020 20:44

You gave the items to her so now she can do what she likes with them when done. If you are going to be annoyed by what happens with things you give away, don’t give them away.

MindatWork · 05/10/2020 20:58

I get you OP - whenever these threads pop up the majority response is always a slightly holier-than-thou ‘it’s not yours once you’ve passed it on, they can do what they like with it’ but I don’t know anyone in real life who wouldn’t be a bit Hmm at someone selling on something they were given for free to make a profit. See also people selling on unwanted birthday presents.

We were given loads of secondhand stuff for DD which I’m now in the process of either passing onto others or giving back (if required) now we’re finished with it. Stuff we bought we’re selling on, but it would never occur to me to sell something we were given free of charge.

It’s not like you’re saying you’re going to go and slap her round the face about it, I don’t think you’re BU to be annoyed.

DramaAlpaca · 05/10/2020 21:05

@Theterrible42s I think we might have the same SIL Grin Only mine sold toys I passed on to her on Facebook, rather than clothes. It annoyed me more than it should have done, especially as she hadn't even bothered to thank me for them, even though it was stuff she wanted. I never gave her anything after that.

AdoreTheBeach · 05/10/2020 21:12

Frankly, unless you told her that you wanted them back after use, then you gave them free and clear. She can do what she wants with them.

If what she’s doing bothers you, then give to a charity shop instead - which will sell them on.

phoenixrosehere · 05/10/2020 21:22

So you gave your SIL clothes that were worn the heck out of and you’re annoyed she has sold them off?

Once you gift something, the receiver is allowed to do whatever they like.

I remember being given clothes from my husband’s side that he accepted for our first and honestly I wished he had said we were covered (we weren’t but not the point) because most if not all of it had been stored somewhere for years and they didn’t bother to wash it so I had bags of clothes that I was expected to be grateful for in a state that I would never give to another person or charity shop and it was the last thing I wanted to deal with. Kept mostly the few bits of outerwear, a handful of onesies, and the rest were sold in mass bundles, given to charity or put in the clothing recycling bin. Our first was a tiny, slender little guy so he didn’t wear much of the things we kept and we ended up buying everything new anyway. I’ve told my husband unless he plans to go through clothes, then don’t accept or take them. I also don’t offer or give anything that I would want back or want to put stipulations on.

Dutchesss · 05/10/2020 21:31

If I lend someone something, I expect it back. If I give someone something, they can do what they like when they're done. I don't see the harm in selling the clothes, the money is probably going towards the next size up and second hand clothes don't sell for a remarkable amount so I'm guessing she needs the money.

Spiderbaby8 · 05/10/2020 21:39

I don’t know anyone in real life who wouldn’t be a bit hmm at someone selling on something they were given for free to make a profit.

I give things away because I don't want them, they are taking up space and I can't be bothered to deal with selling sites. If a friend can make a few quid off them why not.

SleeplessWB · 05/10/2020 21:40

Are people really expected to keep a list of everything people give them for kids in order to ensure they don't offend the giver by selling it years later!?! I have sold many items, donated some to friends and others to charity shops... I have no idea which bits were bought by me, given by others or from charity shops in the first place! And I would have no interest in what happens to the stuff I have given to others - I just want it out of my house.

whattodo2019 · 05/10/2020 21:43

Bloody cheeky . I'd ask for the Money

caringcarer · 05/10/2020 21:55

In future don't pass anything on to her.

Zerrin13 · 05/10/2020 21:56

OP Don't give her anything ever again. She is a cheeky cow.

Sweettea1 · 05/10/2020 22:07

I wouldnt be bothered myself. Maybe she has cash flow problems

JalapenoDave · 05/10/2020 22:09

I'd let it go but never, ever give her anything again. Cheeky bugger!

Bringonspring · 05/10/2020 22:15

I think cheeky. I probably wouldn’t raise it though but would stop passing things on

tttigress · 05/10/2020 22:17

Not good, but what's her financial situation? Maybe she needs the money?

Personally, I find it too much hassle to just sell things on for a few quid, I am amazed that some people have the time to do it.