Sil selling baby things we gave her

[Theterrible42s]

I can't decide whether to get annoyed about this or not really. I keep seeing things we handed down to SIL for sale on local Facebook groups, so it's not even like she's trying to do it on the sly. It is making me feel as though I probably won't give her any more stuff, I'll just take it to the charity shop (if they actually want it obvs) or donate to a local clothes bank etc. It's also making me grit my teeth a bit when she describes things as "barely worn" and I'm thinking, "er, I got that second hand and my kids wore the shit out of it". Mention it or let it go?

You gave them to her. Up to her what she does with them now.

I once gave a relative a CAR that we no longer needed. She didn't own a car and was delighted. She promptly sold it! Fair do's I say.

Yanbu - I don't think it is right for her to sell them on, pass them on but not sell them- very cheeky and mercenary- not the spirit of things

It wouldn’t bother me, because when I give things to someone it’s theirs to do what they like with. I don’t attach conditions.

I’m selling a lot of old baby things at the moment however if it’s a hand me down I either pass these to a friend or give away for free. Most gifts I have kept if they have been worn by my little but some things if they never got worn I have sold on as it’s a waste and could be loved by someone else. I think it is a bit weird of your SIL, any chance she just has lots of clothes and can’t remember what came from where?

I would say "when you sell x and y that I lent you can you transfer me the money cheers"

Cheeky fucker

My worry would be that they might be really struggling for money at the moment, and if I thought that that could be true, then I would want to give them a few more things to sell without them realising what I was doing. However, if you know that they are fine with no money worries, then I would try in future to give any no longer needed items to someone who you know who is struggling, or to a charity.

I wouldn't say anything but I'd pass things on elsewhere in the future. Obviously she's entitled to do what she wants if you didn't stipulate but the nice thing to do is hand on for free things you were given for free.

*20:31LovelyIssues

I would say "when you sell x and y that I lent you can you transfer me the money grin cheers"
But the clothes weren't lent. Op says she gave them away.

It wouldn’t bother me, selling things is a time consuming PITA. If she can be bothered to do that good luck to her! But if it bothers you then you don’t have to pass on any more stuff.

It depends at what stage she is selling. If it was recently, it's a bit cheeky. Presumably if you gave them to her, they are hers and it's up to her what she does with them.

Let it go

I see your point OP despite all those that say you shouldn’t care.
I have a friend 2 huge IKEA bags of clothes for her DD. Most in excellent condition. She proudly told me how much she sold some of it for and what luxurious items she had bought with the money.
I’m not short of money. I didn’t want the hassle of selling. I just presumed her DD would make use of them first!
It fizzed my piss and NO she will not get anything else.

I gave* a friend obvs

I find it all a bit distasteful tbh. I'm also of the opinion that you should pass on the goodwill. Someone is kind to you, you pass it on. You don't make a profit out of it.

I would always pass things on for free that I got given myself, but when I give stuff away I don't care if the recipient sells them on. Some people need the extra cash.

If she’s trying to sell them then that’s out of order especially when she got them for free.
Just don’t give her anything else.

I'm always amazed at the high number of people on mn who think it is fine to sell things on donated to you. I find it very crass personally.

I wouldnt say anything but I wouldnt give her anything else.

I just always thought the unwritten rule was to pass goodwill on rather than profit from it

It's my ethos too, Theterrible42s. You did a good deed by giving her items, for free, that she might find useful, but instead of passing on the kindness to another family by donating again she decided to make money. She chose cash over altruism when she had benefited from your kindness. This is why it doesn't sit right even though technically she did nothing wrong.

What I don't understand with these threads is why posters continue to give things to cheeky fuckers. To the poster upthread who found her cot broken and thrown out, why would you then go on to give your SIL clothes and a bunk bed?
While I agree with the OP that it's wrong to sell things you were given for free, the OP does say that her SIL has a tendency to rinse people, given the opportunity. If you know this, then why give her the chance to rinse you?

A lot of these issues come about because posters allow themselves to be put in this position.

@FilthyforFirth

I'm always amazed at the high number of people on mn who think it is fine to sell things on donated to you. I find it very crass personally.

I wouldnt say anything but I wouldnt give her anything else.

Because I tend to sell in bundles. I had two jackets I bought myself,one from a friend. I also gave a full bin bag of everything to a neighbour. Then DD outgrew a few more bits overnight so I gave them to a charity shop. Some things were too ruined so they went to the dump.You wouldn't know what I'm donating, how much or to whom. People can only see what I sell, and there's enough stuff that I barely remember where each item cane from.

It's not really worth accepting things if there are going to be strings attached. Trying to keep track of clothing and what came from where is just annoying. I'd stick them in a bag, not use them, then give them back after six months if I was loaned baby clothing with a set of rules I'd be expected to follow. I suppose it's a bit cheeky of her to sell them, but if you gave them to her, she probably assumed they were hers now to do with them what she thought best.

Maybe it's a personality flaw but I don't like used stuff. Clothing and kids stuff isn't that expensive and you really don't need top of the line strollers. It's just something that gives you happiness for maybe a month or so then the novelty wears off. I used my $20.00 stroller more than the fancy one and looking back it was a waste of money then.

Once I get rid of things I never want to hear or see anything about them again, I gave them away for a reason. I don't care if people make money off them if I wanted to make money I would have sold them myself

Once you’ve given it to her, it’s no longer yours and she can do what she likes with it. Maybe it’s easier to sell and have someone collect it than take to a charity shop or the tip. The charity shop will sell it for money too, so if it bothers you I’d sell it yourself.

Seayork2020, Exactly. It's a form of control.