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Original poster

Sil selling baby things we gave her

206 replies

Theterrible42s · 05/10/2020 13:34

I can't decide whether to get annoyed about this or not really. I keep seeing things we handed down to SIL for sale on local Facebook groups, so it's not even like she's trying to do it on the sly. It is making me feel as though I probably won't give her any more stuff, I'll just take it to the charity shop (if they actually want it obvs) or donate to a local clothes bank etc. It's also making me grit my teeth a bit when she describes things as "barely worn" and I'm thinking, "er, I got that second hand and my kids wore the shit out of it". Mention it or let it go?

OP posts:
Furiousfive · 05/10/2020 15:01

@Boatingforthestars

We have just had a similar dilemma. Just been sorting through all our DD clothes, some were gifted, some were bought second hand and it's hard to know what is what. We have nobody to pass them onto and didnt want to take them to the tip so listed them on Facebook market place instead.
But why are the only options to take them to the tip or sell them on Facebook? You can donate them to charity
MissConductUS · 05/10/2020 15:05

I'd always expect things to be passed on to someone else who needed them if they were given as hand-me-downs

Me too. We gave a couple DH was friends with from work a really nice Italian made crib when our kids had outgrown it and they were expecting their first. They wanted to pay us something but we told them instead to find a nice couple to pass it along to when they were done with it. That's what they did.

Floralnomad · 05/10/2020 15:06

This wouldn’t bother me at all , if I’ve given something away it no longer belongs to me and what that person chooses to do with it is their business.

dottypotter · 05/10/2020 15:12

Do you really want to fall out you will lose your brother if you do. Have you not heard the expression dont sweat the small stuff. Its not worth it. Things can escalate in families.

Maybe she needs the money.

You gave them to her with no conditions attached.

WokesFromHome · 05/10/2020 15:16

So, let me get this straight. You bought your DC clothes, then passed it onto your SIL for free, and now she is selling them at a profit.

She is a CF"er.

Rightthen24 · 05/10/2020 15:17

I had a friend that would sell on stuff that I gave her, I just stopped giving her stuff as I was really annoyed about it.

DipSwimSwoosh · 05/10/2020 15:27

Wouldn't bother me.

JimmyTheBrave · 05/10/2020 15:28

I've done this a few times when money has been really tight. I certainly don't try and flog everything that's been gifted to me to me though and now I'm financially better off I donate plenty to my local charity shop.

blueberrypie0112 · 05/10/2020 15:29

Let it go, it wasn’t important to you when you gave her your hand me down.

If you wish you were the one making money from it, you could have sell it yourself.

Sicario · 05/10/2020 15:34

Women's shelters really need good quality baby/children's clothes and also good quality clothes for women. Some women walk out with babes in arms and nothing but the clothes on their backs.

Donate good quality - new, nearly new, all washed ironed and lovely - to your local women's shelter.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 05/10/2020 15:36

@blueberrypie0112

Let it go, it wasn’t important to you when you gave her your hand me down.

If you wish you were the one making money from it, you could have sell it yourself.

Spectacularly missing the point there, @blueberrypie0112. Op gave the clothes to her SIL and would have expected her to give them away, in the same spirit of kindness, not to sell them on and presumably not donate the money raised to a children's charity. @Theterrible42s - yep, let it go but just donate anything else you might have given her directly to a charity yourself. Cut out the middle CF'er.
FourPlasticRings · 05/10/2020 15:39

@Sicario

Women's shelters really need good quality baby/children's clothes and also good quality clothes for women. Some women walk out with babes in arms and nothing but the clothes on their backs.

Donate good quality - new, nearly new, all washed ironed and lovely - to your local women's shelter.

This is interesting, thank you. I just found my local one on Google, but it says nothing about how to donate items, just money. They even have things set up so you can sell items on their behalf on eBay. Could OP's SIL be raising money to donate? (Occam's razor suggests not, but it's nice to think that.)
OllyBJolly · 05/10/2020 15:41

If I had planned more children and might have wanted them back I might have been annoyed. Otherwise, no problem at all. Glad she got the use out of them, and happy she makes some money on it.

Buttybach · 05/10/2020 15:42

Is she in financial dire straits?

My mum once gave a second hand cardigan she had knitted to a friend for her baby. It had really unusual buttons on it. A few years later we were at a village flower show and there were various talent contests for vegetables, crafts etc.
One of the categories was knitting.....My mum found her cardigan had been entered by her friend and she had won first prize of £20!!!
which was a lot of money in 1985.
Her friends name was on the entry slip....Cheeky Fecker!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 05/10/2020 15:43

Yes, they were given to her so they are now hers and from that perspective (the one I'm sure she has taken) she can do what she likes with them. By the same token, I would never sell on anything someone had given to me as I view this as the height of bad manners.

I think you are right OP in that kicking off over this is OTT and you stand to gain nothing from it. But I'd also be donating any further items I would otherwise have given to her.

Good decision all round.

museumum · 05/10/2020 15:52

It can sometimes be easier to sell stuff on facebook than give it away, i'm not sure why but often people don't turn up for free stuff and it turns into a massive hassle trying to get rid of it. If she doesn't know anybody with a child to hand down to then personally i wouldn't sweat it.
Not all charity shops take kids stuff, in fact many don't. I don't know one in my local high street that will accept kids stuff so it's facebook or those bags they put through your door (but only some of them accept kids stuff).

TeflonTits · 05/10/2020 15:53

Its simple really. Don't give her another item of clothing again. Charity/clothes bank them. Tell her why you will not be passing hand me downs again.

Also, I feel like this thread comes up at least once every fortnight.

Porcupineinwaiting · 05/10/2020 15:55

I would have thought selling stuff in Facebook is giving it to someone who needs it. Most children's clothes go for pennies on there.

sneakysnoopysniper · 05/10/2020 15:56

The phrase "dog in a manger" comes to mind. When you no longer have a use for something and pass it on, its gone. What the recipient does with it is their business, especially if her children got some use out of it.

Chuggington2 · 05/10/2020 15:57

Send her the links. And say are we ok to split the cash on these please and see what she says.

Original poster
Theterrible42s · 05/10/2020 16:03

Yeah sorry, it's not a very original thread topic Grin I genuinely couldn't remember what the consensus usually is on this sort of thing. Split it would seem.

OP posts:
Hokeywokey · 05/10/2020 16:05

It wouldn't bother be in the slightest.

Lollypop4 · 05/10/2020 16:08

I had this, My sil put a few things up for sale that were mine, I wouldnt have mindd if she gave them to someone for free and asked but she was selling items for £30-£40.
Shes had nothing since!!!
I told her straight it was Cheeky, I told her they were only to be borrowed

JamieBond · 05/10/2020 16:13

Meh. My experience is that as soon as you have a baby family and friends with older kids will suddenly start giving bags upon bags of used clothes and toys (some clearly very very used), to make some space at home, because selling them or taking them to charity is an inconvenience and some are too bad to be reused.
She probably has no idea which clothes were given by who.

MotherMood · 05/10/2020 16:15

Is your family more well off than hers?

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