to be bored stupid by gaming husband

TinySongstress · 05/10/2020 05:39

Has he been like this since you met him?

I couldn't be doing with it personally, so don't find incessant gamers attractive and wouldn't date/marry one.

araiwa · 05/10/2020 05:39

He watches TV with you
He goes out with you
When he has nothing to do he puts on his playstation- seems reasonable

Gobbycop · 05/10/2020 05:47

He watches TV with you
He goes out with you
When he has nothing to do he puts on his playstation- seems reasonable

What so it's the OPs responsibility to organise everything in order to get her partner away from a PlayStation?

lol.

Maybe if he was a decent partner he'd organise something for them to do together.

Original poster

mallorytower · 05/10/2020 05:50

It’s not very good company though? Him sat in another room fixed on a screen, unless I’ve organised for us to do something. Don’t other people just mingle in their house together? I’m interested to know from other people who have non gaming husbands how their life looks at the weekends. Not going to parties but how does your normal, in the house, life look?

OP posts:

Vagaries · 05/10/2020 05:51

I’ve always made a point of avoiding gamers. If the most interesting thing you can find to do is to shoot imaginary opponents in Advanced Recon Fighter Fuckwit VI while sitting in an armchair, then you are just not my type of person. And no, it’s not the same as reading.

JontyDoggle37 · 05/10/2020 05:52

No it’s not normal. Needs a serious sit down I think.
Especially if you plan to ever have kids with this man.

TracyMosby · 05/10/2020 05:56

It doesn't matter what he is doing. The fact is he isnt doing it for you anymore. And you feel like he makes no effort.

Honestly, id be out of this now. Shy be bored and lonely in a marriage?

So you have children?

HollyBollyBooBoo · 05/10/2020 05:56

Has he always been like this though - in which case it's going to be hard to change him.

If it's new then you need to have a chat about how it's just not working for you. Surely at the very least he needs to be doing his half of household chores and then spending some quality time with you.

Firefin · 05/10/2020 06:04

I'm dating a gamer. It's a bit of a case of knowing what you let yourself in for. Most of my hobbies are non-screen, but home-based (lots of crafting activities), so I am often in the same room as him pursuing my own stuff.

As long as he lets you drag him out occasionally for walkies, there is nothing stopping you from getting on with what you want. If young kids are involved, that does change things a bit as the expectation would be a fair share of the workload.

seayork2020 · 05/10/2020 06:06

Is this a new hobby?

Downwithcovid · 05/10/2020 06:09

@Vagaries

I’ve always made a point of avoiding gamers. If the most interesting thing you can find to do is to shoot imaginary opponents in Advanced Recon Fighter Fuckwit VI while sitting in an armchair, then you are just not my type of person. And no, it’s not the same as reading.

I take it you avoid people who watch any movies or TV/Netflix that isn’t factual as well and never do either of those things yourself.

Makes me laugh how many people will knock gamers the. Spend four houses binge watching something - it’s exactly the same, in fact I would argue gaming is better as it’s often interacting with others abs keeps your brain and reactions alert

Ohdoleavemealone · 05/10/2020 06:15

@Downwithcovid I would find someone who spent hours watching Netflix until early hours of the morning just as unattractive as a gamer.
The point isn't what specifically what they do, but that they are often (when disussed on here) obsessive about it and neglecting their relationships in favour of it. I think the fact thta we associate games with children probably doesn't help though.

We have children OP so our weekend is busy but in your shoes I wouldn't stick around. IF you don't already have children, then don't. It will be hard work doing everything yourself whilst he sits on his games.

Sundries · 05/10/2020 06:20

A film lasts about ninety minutes. Even a tv series is finite. The OP is talking about someone who games continually from Friday evening to Monday morning, who defaults to it, and who can only be persuaded to leave the house with difficulty.

Sciencebabe · 05/10/2020 06:21

I'd hate that.
Mine goes for a run, does housework with me, plays with the kids, walks the dog, plans future house improvements, suggests going for a drive to the beach or to visit friends, loves doing a BBQ, anything really.

Sounds like you have nothing in common. Go find yourself a different man who suits your expectation of life.

He takes up all of your time but gives you no company. Why live like that.

cbt944 · 05/10/2020 06:23

YANBU. Unfortunately, you married an adolescent.

LittleEsme · 05/10/2020 06:24

I couldn't live like this OP, I really couldn't.

That said, if this was his hobby/life when you were dating then you knew what you were in for.

If this is a new obsession, you'd have cause for being mightily annoyed with him.

Margotshypotheticaldog · 05/10/2020 06:25

Presumably he's addicted, so he won't find it easy to stop even if he wants to.
I don't think it is normal or healthy behaviour to sit hypnotized by a screen all weekend, whether it be a TV screen or a computer screen.
Like any other addiction, if he is to change, first he will need to acknowledge it's a problem and then he will need to want to change.

TweeBree · 05/10/2020 06:26

It's not normal. Think of any other activity you'd do for 12-16 hours a day. That's addiction level. He's checking out of reality and out of the relationship. Don't have kids with him.

Hollyhead · 05/10/2020 06:30

I have a gaming husband but what you describe is extreme. DH will probably game for one 3-4 hour slot on a weekend daytime if it fits in with plans, then Sunday evenings. Fri and Sat evenings we do something together film/series/sometimes a game together as I quite like a go.

Magicbabywaves · 05/10/2020 06:32

What does he say when asked about it?

It also wouldn’t be for me. It’s a contentious issue on MN with people getting defensive about gaming and listing its many qualities, but it’s an interest (along with obsessively watching/playing sport) that I would avoid like the plague. It’s tendency to consume people and the lack of product at the end of off putting to me. Yes, my husband and I will watch tv together, which we often discuss. Can imagine anyone discussing the game they’re playing.

Now it wouldn’t matter if he games and you don’t mind. But you do. What is he avoiding? Why is playing a game more interesting than the life around him? It sounds like he prefers it to you.

Magicbabywaves · 05/10/2020 06:32

Can’t

Elsewyre · 05/10/2020 06:34

@mallorytower

All he wants to do is play PlayStation games all weekend. Friday night through to Monday. He will come and watch tv with me if I ask and if I book for us to go do something, like swimming, then he will go but it’s an effort to get him out of the house. He rarely suggests doing anything outside the house. Default is PlayStation on. Constantly. I spend my weekends seeing him sat on the chair, controller in hand. I want to know where other people stand on this? Am I being controlling by not wanting it on in our house all weekend. It’s just boring. It’s like somebody watching non stop Eastenders, all weekend, every weekend, month after month. I can’t work out what other people do? Is this just normal life? Do other people’s husbands just sit and game all the time?

Play together?

FippertyGibbett · 05/10/2020 06:34

Does it matter if he’s gaming or tinkering in the garage with a car or playing golf ?
He does what he wants when you’re not doing something together.
It’s not as if he won’t do anything with you.
As for gaming, I think it’s a stupid thing for a grown adult to do but he may think that scrolling through MN is too.

Friendsoftheearth · 05/10/2020 06:43

I could not bear to be with him, I don't know how you can stand it.

He is like an overgrown child, when you want to have wine and conversation with a real man, a grown up.

I personally would agree set times for the playstation, and then it is turned off and put away - you can go out during that time so you don't have to sit there/listen to it/watch it. Maybe two hours is reasonable over the weekend, and the rest of the time you are going out, watching films together, making dinner and talking.

I would rather repeatedly slam my fingers in a draw than tolerate the life you describe, so I understand op. Time for a serious chat before it becomes unbearable.

Itsseweasy · 05/10/2020 06:44

If he’s still getting everything done around the house that he needs to, and coming out for a walk etc without complaint (and enjoys it when you’re out) then he’s probably just gaming by default when there’s nothing else to do, or using it as a way to relax at home.
I wouldn’t have a problem with that - it’s not his job to keep you entertained at home!
But if he’s giving you one word answers, neglecting his home duties etc then that’s very different.
Also it depends if this is a recent development, considering the current Covid shitshow I can imagine it’s very appealing to escape to another world for a few hours here and there!