to be bored stupid by gaming husband

[mallorytower]

All he wants to do is play PlayStation games all weekend. Friday night through to Monday. He will come and watch tv with me if I ask and if I book for us to go do something, like swimming, then he will go but it’s an effort to get him out of the house. He rarely suggests doing anything outside the house. Default is PlayStation on. Constantly. I spend my weekends seeing him sat on the chair, controller in hand. I want to know where other people stand on this? Am I being controlling by not wanting it on in our house all weekend. It’s just boring. It’s like somebody watching non stop Eastenders, all weekend, every weekend, month after month. I can’t work out what other people do? Is this just normal life? Do other people’s husbands just sit and game all the time?

Nether DH nor I are gamers though he will play on nephew's Switch/PS4 etc if he brings it to ours (regular sleepovers pre Covid). A 'normal' weekend for us (no kids) might include:

Some exercise together e.g. a run or some boxercise
Board/card games
Maybe some quiet time just reading with some music on
Sofa and TV time
Cooking together
Going out for a meal / drinks either just us or with friends/family or having people over for food/games (though not so much since March as we've been v cautious and have vulnerable family members)
Catching up on house/garden chores though we try to do bits in the week so not hours!
Going away for a night or two

We'll generally have a rough idea in advance if we want a lazier or more active weekend depending on how we're feeling/weather forecast/any invites we've had and will confirm in the week. But don't like to be too 'planned'. What you describe would be a bit soul destroying for me tbh. Nothing against gamers at all but it's his lack of engagement with you and wanting to do nice things together that would hurt/frustrate me.

@mallorytower

It’s not very good company though? Him sat in another room fixed on a screen, unless I’ve organised for us to do something. Don’t other people just mingle in their house together? I’m interested to know from other people who have non gaming husbands how their life looks at the weekends. Not going to parties but how does your normal, in the house, life look?

He either goes fishing or he reads. We play D&D twice a month as a family but honestly (even now) when we are home on the weekends we don't want to go out and do things. We like just to sit and chill...BYW...Im the one that is usually gaming or reading

We both read a lot I play simple games but we both enjoy things together tv very different tastes, as long I’ve a kindle to hand I’m happy.

DH is a gamer, but doesn’t play stuff at the weekends (except age appropriate games with kids for a couple of hours) and is always happy to watch a film with me instead. Pre kids when we had more time he’d always gladly turn it off at the weekends when we’d go for a walk or out for lunch. I don’t think gaming itself is a problem, but when it’s being chosen instead of activities together constantly it would bother me.

DH enjoys a game. I encourage him to play it, as it relaxes him, and moves his mind off work. However, he always makes sure that I'm okay with him gaming (he really doesn't have to), and I know to go let him know the time if it's marching on, as he does lose himself in it, and loses track of time. He does it generally for a couple of hours a day, in the weekend. In the week, if he's had a really stressful evening call, he might go on it, afterwards, to wind down. (The time he got busted by our daughter gaming at 4am because he'd done this and lost track of time was glorious. . .)

@EmilySpinach

My husband plays games but our weekends look nothing like the OP's. Games are not the problem, despite the usual MN prejudices. A selfish man is a selfish man, whether he's gaming, working his allotment, golfing or running ultra-marathons.

I've only just got to this comment.

But this. So this.

@EmilySpinach

I would say the difference is however, you can take away knowledge, learn from things simply by being in this site. Learn about other people’s experiences and it might make you more sympathetic/understanding to different perspectives.

You take it that these are real people and you try to post helpful advice in the hope that it helps someone. You might not be interacting with them physically but the intent is there.

Gaming is a made up world. You can’t learn anything really....

Your knowledge of gaming must be very limited (and you are probably quite proud of this). It is just a medium, and for every ultraviolent shooter there are four or five very beautiful games with truly engaging narratives. Role-playing games literally require you to empathise with a character and their situation.

Saying that you dislike all games and gamers based on what you've read on MN about Fortnite is like saying that you hate all books based on American Psycho and you hate all films based on the Saw franchise.

Let's not forget the teamwork that some games require. I play in guilds and with teams.

I haven't read the whole thread but how awful is this. He sounds like another child! having to set time limits on his gaming is like having another teenager in the house. Firstly you need to tell him how it makes you feel, and if he doesn't step up to the mark then it's time to reassess the relationship.

I dumped a gamer once for similar reasons. He would spend days locked in a darkened room in an alternative reality. When he actually spent time with me you could tell all he could think about was getting back to his game. Tell him the only game he can play at the weekend is the Game of Life or get rid.

My dh also likes to go on the ps4, but rarely on his own. Mostly, he will go on after 10pm on a friday or Saturday for a couple of hours as that is when his friendS are on. It does in no way impact our weekends as a family as i have rarely known him go on his ps during the day. Less than half a dozen times in twenty years he has used the ps during the day when Me and the children were around