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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be bored stupid by gaming husband

209 replies

mallorytower · 05/10/2020 05:36

All he wants to do is play PlayStation games all weekend. Friday night through to Monday. He will come and watch tv with me if I ask and if I book for us to go do something, like swimming, then he will go but it’s an effort to get him out of the house. He rarely suggests doing anything outside the house. Default is PlayStation on. Constantly. I spend my weekends seeing him sat on the chair, controller in hand. I want to know where other people stand on this? Am I being controlling by not wanting it on in our house all weekend. It’s just boring. It’s like somebody watching non stop Eastenders, all weekend, every weekend, month after month. I can’t work out what other people do? Is this just normal life? Do other people’s husbands just sit and game all the time?

OP posts:
Mumoftwo1994 · 05/10/2020 10:09

@mallorytower

All he wants to do is play PlayStation games all weekend. Friday night through to Monday. He will come and watch tv with me if I ask and if I book for us to go do something, like swimming, then he will go but it’s an effort to get him out of the house. He rarely suggests doing anything outside the house. Default is PlayStation on. Constantly. I spend my weekends seeing him sat on the chair, controller in hand. I want to know where other people stand on this? Am I being controlling by not wanting it on in our house all weekend. It’s just boring. It’s like somebody watching non stop Eastenders, all weekend, every weekend, month after month. I can’t work out what other people do? Is this just normal life? Do other people’s husbands just sit and game all the time?
A little gaming is fine if he enjoys it but he still needs to spend time with you.
WhichOneNowTheRedOrTheGreen · 05/10/2020 10:09

But how nice to read (and these are just two comments in a couple of minutes) that people judge my DC is "a maladjusted, juvenile personality with poor impulse control" (he isn't, he is lovely)

And someone saying this about my teenage DS "Something so unattractive about a man who sits twiddling his knob. Men see their little controllers as extensions of their genitals, it's a bit weird"

What about children/young people that enjoy gaming? What about girls and women? I think you'd feel a bit of knob yourself saying "those girls and women see their little controllers as extensions of their genitals". You certainly would sound like a knob to me if you said that @Devlesko.

WhichOneNowTheRedOrTheGreen · 05/10/2020 10:11

Also the signs are that my DC will grow up to be rich from it and certainly more wealthy than me. So judge away all you want Grin

TheOrigRights · 05/10/2020 10:26

If he's always been like this then YABU because you knew what you were getting into.
If it's something that's crept in then YANBU.

My 21 yo son starting gaming a lot during lockdown. It was SO boring in the evening, with DS1 in bed and DS2 plugged into the main TV gaming. It wasn't that I specifically wanted to do anything with him, but I couldn't just chat or enjoy his company.

He's my son though and didn't really want to be at home during lockdown so I needed to be tolerant.

I don't have a partner, he is a twat, but for entirely different reasons.

imfatletsparty · 05/10/2020 10:27

"What about children/young people that enjoy gaming? What about girls and women? I think you'd feel a bit of knob yourself saying "those girls and women see their little controllers as extensions of their genitals"."

Don't be silly, everyone knows that girls/women never lower themselves to such trivial things as "gaming". They've ascended beyond this immature shit to more noble pursuits such as scrolling through MN 8 hours a day fighting with people on AIBU.

Scaraffito · 05/10/2020 10:28

DH was a big gamer when we first met, I've never asked him to not play as much but naturally he plays less than he did then as I guess he sees his priorities have changed. He can play when he wants as he is an adult, but he chooses to play when I'm in bed (I tend to go to bed pretty early some nights), or if we are both just relaxing and I'm playing on my switch or something. I think he should try and give more of a balance, but not sure how to approach it really.

Scaraffito · 05/10/2020 10:29

Nothing wrong with games in general, I enjoy playing them as well, but as with anything, if it was watching telly or something, too much that impacts on others isn't good.

Fralla · 05/10/2020 10:34

If he's always been like this then YABU because you knew what you were getting into.

That's ridiculous. I met my exDH when I was 21, I liked gaming, clubbing and drinking.
Then we had kids. You sort of expect people to grow up a but then, don't you? If you find out your partner don't change after having kids, and won't make any time for them or you, you're allowed to change your mind and dump him/her.

TOFO1965 · 05/10/2020 10:34

I have a lot of sympathy for you. My husband made an effort when we first met, but in doing so sold me a big fat fib, for he is always always absent in the home. He sits in his study day and night working/studying. It’s cool, but I wish he’d been more upfront about his need for constant solitude when we first met, for whilst I too like time alone I also like the odd meal together and to share an occasional film. Apparently he’s “always been like it” a fact confirmed by his family. That intel more useful before I hitched my wagon...

TheOrigRights · 05/10/2020 10:37

@Fralla

If he's always been like this then YABU because you knew what you were getting into.

That's ridiculous. I met my exDH when I was 21, I liked gaming, clubbing and drinking.
Then we had kids. You sort of expect people to grow up a but then, don't you? If you find out your partner don't change after having kids, and won't make any time for them or you, you're allowed to change your mind and dump him/her.

Yes, you're right. For some reason I have it in my head that the OP is quite young, early in her marriage and they don't have children. Quite how I've come to that conclusion I don't know!
nevernotstruggling · 05/10/2020 10:49

It's not the gaming ruining this relationship. It's him.

Noodlewave · 05/10/2020 10:57

At least he isn't a cyclist, then the Mumsnet crowd would really have it in for him

ThatsNotMySheep · 05/10/2020 10:57

I'm married to a gamer and he's always been like this since we met. I know for a fact if he was single or we didn't have kids that he would spend the vast majority of his free time on the Xbox but he's not so his gaming time is reduced!

He often stays up later during the week to play once me and the kids are in bed and that works for us. We had some child free tie this weekend so he gamed whilst I watched some trashy tv then we had dinner and watched a movie together later. The problem seems to be that he only compromises when 'forced' to. He needs to take more responsibility for making plans and treat gaming as a hobby rather than the default.

Sheogorath · 05/10/2020 11:10

@madcatladyforever

I just wouldn't go out with a gamer, can't stand them. Its not even a useful hobby. It doesn't get you fit and it doesn't produce anything useful or beautiful. My exH had hobbies (not gaming) and I have my hobbies I make dollhouses and we could get a bit obsessive about it but gaming is brain dead stuff.
As opposed to mumsnet.
Cybercontroller · 05/10/2020 11:12

@Devlesko

I'm sure it's nothing new, unless he's only just started playing with it. Something so unattractive about a man who sits twiddling his knob. Grin Men see their little controllers as extensions of their genitals, it's a bit weird.
Here comes @Devlesko making immature judgy comments. Surprise surprise.
PlumsInTheIcebox · 05/10/2020 11:13

It is VERY UNHEALTHY to play video games. Everybody knows this.

It is however highly commendable adult behaviour to trawl an anonymous forum, picking fights with strangers.

cockroachcrumble12 · 05/10/2020 11:15

How old is he?

imfatletsparty · 05/10/2020 11:15

Flinging shit at each other on forums like monkeys in the zoo is the height of intelligence and maturity, dontcha know.

LonelyFromCorona · 05/10/2020 11:18

Wow some awfully close-minded posts here.

He goes out when you suggest/plan stuff and will keep you company watching something (which is even less 'active' for the mind than playing something).

Have you ever tried games yourself? Get a Nintendo Switch and some of the Nintendo game or games like Overcooked and Fall Guys (available on playstation) and you will probably have a whole load of fun playing together.

ShebaShimmyShake · 05/10/2020 11:20

@imfatletsparty

Flinging shit at each other on forums like monkeys in the zoo is the height of intelligence and maturity, dontcha know.
I've met some super intelligent and well evolved beings on here lately!
Wannabegreenfingers · 05/10/2020 11:24

My stbexh was like this, not gaming, but if he deemed there wasn't anything that needed doing, he would watch film after film whilst watching/playing on his phone. Used to drive me demented.

He would never suggest that we do anything as a couple/family. He just saw these endless hours as his down time. Whilst I was running round like a headless chicken sorting children, food, house etc.

His default setting was always if you want help or something doing, just ask - NO - it doesn't work that way, no one ask's me.

He is now my ex for many reason's, yanbu at all.

JaggySplinter · 05/10/2020 11:31

Games are specifically designed to be rewarding band addictive. I think you should suggest that he talks to someone (GP maybe) about this. His gaming sounds excessive.

You could also ask him to limit the hours to say 4-6 a day, and plan one thing to do with you each weekend. If he can't do that, then he probably does have a significant addiction problem.

MoonDelay · 05/10/2020 11:37

I love playing Xbox and gaming as much as my husband and we've played together in the evenings. He has also played alone for maybe a couple of hours from time to time as have I but neither of us would sit playing it alone for hours on end never mind days.

It's just bloody ignorant and yes, down right boring for you I imagine.

He needs to grow up! I can't think of anything to suggest to get him to realise he's being a selfish git.
If he hasn't realised by now he probably never will.

79andnotout · 05/10/2020 11:53

I was three years into a relationship with my gamer partner before I realised how much of a gamer he was (I travelled a LOT for work so didn't realise until I changed jobs). By then it was too late. To be fair, he works for a games team as a software engineer, and all his mates are gamers (and a lot worse than him, apparently, when I raise it), so the writing was on the wall.

He will happily do other things and we have a fair amount of common interests, but his default at home is definitely to be off riding on a virtual pony swashbuckling or questing through space, or whatever other stuff he does (at least it's fairly benign activities). He has been confined to the attic to do all this stuff so I don't have to listen to it. I just get on with my own activities.

ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes · 05/10/2020 11:58

Massive turn off for me. And very sad, to have them there but not there. Too reminiscent of xh who totally closed down to me emotionally Sad

Dealbreaker for me personally in a new partner and if they took it up I’d leave. That’s just my position on it.