to be bored stupid by gaming husband

[mallorytower]

All he wants to do is play PlayStation games all weekend. Friday night through to Monday. He will come and watch tv with me if I ask and if I book for us to go do something, like swimming, then he will go but it’s an effort to get him out of the house. He rarely suggests doing anything outside the house. Default is PlayStation on. Constantly. I spend my weekends seeing him sat on the chair, controller in hand. I want to know where other people stand on this? Am I being controlling by not wanting it on in our house all weekend. It’s just boring. It’s like somebody watching non stop Eastenders, all weekend, every weekend, month after month. I can’t work out what other people do? Is this just normal life? Do other people’s husbands just sit and game all the time?

My husband never games but I wonder if my son will turn into a gaming adult. This is a real concern to me as its an awful awful waste of time.

You should ask him to seriously limit the amount of time he spends gaming. He sounds like an addict.

Raspberry, i think that excessive MN use or any other internet use could also be Evidence of unhealthy screen addiction. Anyone posting about their DP being on MN in a similar way to the OP’s description of the Dh’s gaming would also have attracted comments about addiction.

mallorytower it makes a pretty major difference whether

1. he's always been like that and you married him knowing that - or whether its new behaviour

2. whether you have children and chores he's failing to pull his weight with.

It sounds as though you're just bored and want him to entertain you, and I wonder if you'd be as resentful if he was spending all his free time doing something more worthy but equally antisocial - studying for a PhD on an obscure theme unrelated to any career goal purely as a hobby perhaps... or just reading, or the dreaded cycling or training for some fitness challenge... Perhaps you would.

My husband games sometimes - some weekends not at all, some for a few hours, occassionally a whole day.

What bothers me is that he never uses it to avoid taxiing children about, and doesn't play unsuitable games in front of the children.

We spend weekend evenings together and eat our main meal as a family (unless I'm working - I work about 50% of weekends). I don't expect anyone to entertain me during the day, and everyone is free to esentially use their free time as they please as long as chores are done. Compulsory mingling sounds horrendous to me - would that mean you'd resent ne spending the free parts of my day off mostly reading when not cooking, doing laundry or driving the kids about?

If my OH was chatting on the Internet at 05:30 in the morning, they'd be gone quick time. Can't think of anything worse.

My thing is watching shows, dh games with ds he had other hobbies.

We do enough together that it would not bother me if dh gamed more as I am left to watch my shows with my wine and they leave me to it (I multi task by playing on my phone and eating chocolate with my wine, it is a talent I love practising to perfect)

None of our hobbies effect the other and I LOVE watching certain (usually crime series) shows in peace by myself. We do watch things together too

To me this is like comparing someone who won’t stop drinking herb tea to someone who won’t stop drinking alcohol. One isn’t addictive, the other is highly addictive. So bizarre that so many posters are ignoring the addiction issue and equating day long gaming sessions with day long gardening sessions! Do people really think like this and not see the difference? The mind boggles. It's more that I don't care!

Having dealt with chronic alcoholics in my life I don't worry abut addictions, I know that I won't ruin my life trying to help someone who won't see they have an issue. Once bitten...

And that really is a false equivalence, as anyone can see immediately.

As per usual, sitting for hours on a PlayStation is wasting your life but sitting for hours on MN isn’t Yeah!

I sit here for hours as I pop in and out whilst I am working - self employed, writing up lots of reports, I use MN for a break. Like all other gadgets and gizmoes, I am usually off it by 6pm. We have a pretty firm rule here, evenings are for us, not phones, laptps etc. Weekends get sorted by common consent!

I can happily spend a weekend playing a new game -6:7 hours both days, do something with other half in evening (film etc)
He spends the time coding or doing a flight simulator.
At present we are not going out much due to the pandemic. I enjoy my games. Not sure who it hurts. But I picked a man to live with who was delighted that I would play play games and leave him to code as long as he wanted.

So you picked badly. He is not the issue here really.

As this thread shows everyone has different opinions on gaming and also on the amount of time that should be spent interacting/doing activities with their partner. The important thing is to find someone with compatible opinions.

So it doesn’t really matter what other people’s husbands do OP. What matters is that you aren’t happy with your situation. You need to decide what you want to happen, and where your “line in the sand” is, then have a talk with your husband. If he won’t change you need to decide whether you can accept that, and if not leave.

My partner is a gamer and he doesn’t do this, the problem isn’t the games it’s your husband On the weekends we play with our daughter, visit family (in normal times), cook and bake, go for walks, watch tv together, etc. He games a couple of nights a week (while I watch MAFSA) and sometimes during the day if he has a day off when we’re out (he works shifts) but he’ll always do stuff around the house first.

I'm not a gamer but I don't see why spending hours playing an RPG is any 'worse' than spending hours reading a book or listening to podcasts (as I frequently do).

Don't you have any interests or hobbies of your own? Why are you looking to your husband to entertain you?

It's not the gaming, it's the single mindedness.
I know people who sit and watch TV from the moment they get in until bedtime.
Not for me, and I would be bored with a partner who did either constantly.
Everyone in my house apart from me plays computer games, but it doesn't bother me so long as they do other things too.

Oh and I currently do not game as I am doing a degree and term started so in fact I spend every day studying (inc weekends) I assume is okay though lol.

After 6 months of us 2 being together 24-7 at hone, I'd say we spend more than enough time together!

I'm not a gamer but I don't see why spending hours playing an RPG is any 'worse' than spending hours reading a book or listening to podcasts (as I frequently do).

Good point, I spend hours reading books. Not exactly a spectator sport

SLAW funnily enough, I don’t see people replying to threads that a poster might have a screen addiction as their username seems to appear on every MN thread. Gaming though, well, that’s childish for uneducated, lazy men.

It's true that watching other people play computer games is one of the most boring activities going - a close second to watching paint dry.

You'd probably enjoy it more if you picked up a controller and played it yourself - either together, or get your own system and play your own game.

I hate constant gaming. An ex-bf was like this and drove me to distraction. But then I also hate my FIL constantly watching sports on TV (default as soon as we are in the house, no matter what) and my DH is a car but so I lose him to the garage most of the time. We had to have a talk after a little while about limiting hobby time because it felt so isolating. Generally unless we have 'plans' he can spend one day of a weekend in the garage. The rest should be spent doing stuff together - chores, walking, going out shopping etc. It works pretty well for me and I think my DH has got used to it. We plan to have children so it was important for him to realise he couldn't just be under a car for 48hours.

If it annoys you, talk to him. Try and set some limits - not like you would a child, but in a conversation where you set out what you would like from a weekend and he sets out what he wants - and see where you can compromise. It might be after 5pm he can play. Or if you like a lie in he can play until 12 both days. Or all day Sunday but none in Saturday. And then make sure you.both stick to it.

*car nut

It doesn't sound odd to me. The way I see it is we have a certain amount of free leisure time and playing games is no different to watching tv. If he was refusing to do family activities or staying up all night then it's an issue but why should he sit and watch tv when he prefers interactive screen activities. I often sit playing a game on my laptop whilst dp watches old war movies, he likes them, I like the sims.

I’m interested to know from other people who have non gaming husbands how their life looks at the weekends. Not going to parties but how does your normal, in the house, life look?

This weekend...
Saturday: he had a lie in til 9, I got up at 6 and did some yoga and cleaning. When he woke up he made us bacon sandwiches and we went for a walk, then food shopping for his parents and round theirs for a cup of tea. Came home, had lunch, pouring rain outside so sorted a couple of house jobs and then had a lazy afternoon on the sofa, played chess, watched catch phrase and the chase, got an Indian takeaway and watched one of Mickey Flanagan's stand up shows.

Sunday: he left at 7am for golf, I got up around the same time, did some yoga, had a bath, went to my friends house for lunch and then walked my relatives dog and had a cup of tea with them in their garden. He got back home about 1pm and worked for a couple of hours. I got home about 5pm, he cooked dinner while I sorted some laundry in the kitchen, watched a couple of episodes of ghosts, then he went to bed early ish and I stayed up for a bit too late messing around on here.

And trust me, gaming is better than playing golf and cricket, they both take hours!

@RaspberryToupee it’s not about slagging off gamers though

The problem is with a partner who does a certain activity (gaming/MNing/watching box sets/reading/knitting/whatever) to the extent they spend zero time with their partner and do nothing in the house

That is the problem

Whether it’s gaming or golf is irrelevant

To me it sounds like a partner who has pretty much opted out of the relationship but stays for convenience (housework, cooking, cleaning being done whilst he relaxes). Personally I would not stay with a partner like that.

My OH will play games during the week for an hour or so-But only because I go up to bed early to read( my hobby)
All other times we spend going out for lunch/dinner/shopping
Walking the dogs
Days out with the children
Cooking together
drinking wine/talking and watching tv
He spends his spare time working out/bike riding and doing jobs around the house
I could not be with someone who spends a lot of their time doing something that takes them out of the relationship so much!

Sounds boring OP

My DH has never gamed and we don’t have a TV so we don’t sit and watch that together.

This weekend we took dog out, did some stuff in garden, went on bikes, went for a fair few walks, ferried children to and from ballet, school homework etc

I'm much happier that my DH plays golf and cricket , true, they both take hours but DH involves our DS in both sports, they are outside, in the fresh air, getting exercise and being involved in the community - developing teams, coaching, fund raising etc. There is a social side as well for families to get involved in (if they wish to) - in my opinion that's totally different to gaming. Following a team and going to live events (pre Covid) is a great way to spend your time. (And I get the house to myself).