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AIBU?

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Original poster

Flatmate’s hygiene

213 replies

rainyday03 · 04/10/2020 11:06

I had a new flat mate move in a few days ago. They haven’t showered since being here. Whenever they use the bathroom it smells of unwashed person. They’re also a bit messy but I’ve overlooked that so far because I’m a clean freak. But I’m really struggling with the fact that my home now smells of dirty smelly person! When you walk past their room it smells even more strongly. Is there anything I can do to broach this or make it better without being rude? :(

OP posts:
Original poster
rainyday03 · 04/10/2020 11:08

I’m not even sure they’ve brushed their teeth since being here as no toothbrush/toothpaste (or anything for that matter!) in the shared bathroom

OP posts:
Elsewyre · 04/10/2020 11:13

"Dude ffs have a shower!"

tillytoodles1 · 04/10/2020 11:22

I'm sure they can't smell that bad after just a few days unless they were already unwashed when they arrived.

Veiaola · 04/10/2020 11:23

Just tell them to have a wash as you can smell them.

TheFuckingDogs · 04/10/2020 11:24

Maybe they showered when you were out?

TheFuckingDogs · 04/10/2020 11:25

And maybe they feel more comfortable keeping their personal hygiene items in their room

Savemyusername · 04/10/2020 11:27

Is it your own home or a flat share?

I used to live in shared houses and some people are definitely not very hygienic. I don’t think you can tell someone to shower though.

LoveEatYoga · 04/10/2020 11:29

I think you need to say something OP

I couldn't live with a dirty person and the sooner you mention it the better

Could you say you've noticed a smell since they moved in or you've noticed the bathroom has a smell but you're not sure what it is as you can't see any dirty clothes or towels in there and maybe they'll realise they smell? Most people would feel self conscious at that point.

If not then you might have to be more direct.

I really don't know how you'd say it as I'd find it difficult too.

Is it your house or are you both renting from a landlord ie are you in a position to ask her to leave and would you even take it that far?

Original poster
rainyday03 · 04/10/2020 11:29

I haven’t been out yet as I’ve been working from home the whole time so I haven’t left the flat since Thursday (when they moved in). It’s a flat share so not my own home, just the two of us here though.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 04/10/2020 11:31

What’s the situation, are you just renting rooms or is it your home you’re renting out? I’d hate that!

Male or female out of curiosity? Your post reads very oddly without sex based pronouns.

Original poster
rainyday03 · 04/10/2020 11:31

The issue is they’ve m moved in to replace a previous tenant on the contract and so it’s been a big faff for the landlords anyway to swap the tenants. I don’t think I could ask someone to leave based on the fact they smell :( it’s just hard because I don’t want to live like this as I am such a clean freak and my home is a safe space for me (have anxiety so I like to feel comfortable here) but I don’t want to say something and get off on the wrong foot.

OP posts:
Original poster
rainyday03 · 04/10/2020 11:32

Female flatmate :)

OP posts:
TheFuckingDogs · 04/10/2020 11:32

Maybe just say I’ve noticed you’ve not had a shower yet, would you like me to show you how it works? And also say it’s fine for them to put their shower gel/shampoo and toothpaste in the shared bathroom. They may be expecting you to lead the way a bit

Sexnotgender · 04/10/2020 11:33

So you’ve had them foisted on you, that’s really difficult but you’ll need to say something tactfully! I couldn’t live with that either.

TheFuckingDogs · 04/10/2020 11:35

When I was growing up we had a big house and often had students/lodgers etc
Some people were just very shy and didn’t know it was fine to keep stuff in the bathroom. Sounds like you just need to chat with her a bit more.

Jojobar · 04/10/2020 11:35

You can't tell someone to shower. You
can at most suggest a cleaning rota for housework etc but if they don't agree then there's not more you can do Unfortunately it's one of the drawbacks of living in shared accommodation.

AvoidingRealHumans · 04/10/2020 11:36

Could you say something like "I'm so sorry I've been busy with work, I've just realised I've not shown you how the hot water/shower/washing machine etc works.. you've probably worked it out by now but I can go over it if you like.."

GreyishDays · 04/10/2020 11:36

Could you start a conversation about who is using the bathroom when? Like “I generally have a shower at about 7.30, do you want to go before or after?” and then if they say “oh I don’t shower much” you then need to bite the bullet and say, “well that’s just the last few days, obviously you’ll be doing it daily as is normal (or something, ideally saying politely “because you smell”)”.

pinkstripeycat · 04/10/2020 11:37

My parents had an exchange student stay with them years ago and by golly she stunk! In the end they had to ask her to leave.

I’d definitely go with the direct approach ie “girl, you stink! Have a shower!”

Marisishidinginmyattic · 04/10/2020 11:37

They could have done it while you slept Confused

CakeGirl2020 · 04/10/2020 11:42

Well no you couldn’t ask someone to leave as they smell, not only would you be a complete bitch it also isn’t your property and as long as they are paying rent, being smelly breaks no tenancy agreement I’ve ever seen.

In a house share it’s not uncommon to keep wash bag containing tooth brush and shower gel etc in your room. When I lived in a house share I did.

They have moved in Thursday, so just 4 days ago. I mean how much can you possibly of seen this person and I’m assuming you don’t sit on the lap of or lick new housemates so how much of an issue can this actually be.

Use a plug in air fresher in the communal hall way and maybe they will get the message?

Savemyusername · 04/10/2020 11:44

You can’t tell a grown adult to shower. Ime, it doesn’t make any difference anyway. They’ll do it when/if they like.

sst1234 · 04/10/2020 11:45

What’s with people making excuses for this smelly person, maybe they had a shower before they came, maybe they keep their toothbrush under the floorboards, maybe they only like to shower in secret. OP says this person smells bad so they are a dirty, inconsiderate idiot.
OP, tell them straight, I’m sure it will be embarrassing for them but so what, unless this person is five, they have had many years to learn how to wash.

Aridane · 04/10/2020 11:53

Move (you can’t make a flat mate shower)?

ClementineWoolysocks · 04/10/2020 12:01

Maybe they only shower on the 32nd day of the month when it's a full moon and there's a frost on the ground?

I think you're dealing with someone who hasn't showered for much longer than a few days if she's already stunk the whole house out.
Could you talk to the landlord? I can't imagine they'd be best pleased knowing their property was stinking to high heaven.

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