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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Flatmate’s hygiene

213 replies

rainyday03 · 04/10/2020 11:06

I had a new flat mate move in a few days ago. They haven’t showered since being here. Whenever they use the bathroom it smells of unwashed person. They’re also a bit messy but I’ve overlooked that so far because I’m a clean freak. But I’m really struggling with the fact that my home now smells of dirty smelly person! When you walk past their room it smells even more strongly. Is there anything I can do to broach this or make it better without being rude? :(

OP posts:

SBTLove · 04/10/2020 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scweltish · 04/10/2020 12:55

@DimidDavilby

Sorry but not everyone is as obsessed with hygiene as those on mumsnet. There's fuck all you can do about a housemate not showering to your schedule except for move.

OMG you’re so right! I brush my teeth and wash my pits and fanny once a day so I don’t smell offensive to others in my household. I’m just SO obsessed with hygiene!!

Op- I don’t know why others are making excuses for them (eg maybe they’re showering when you’re asleep. I know in my house I’d be aware if someone got up to take a look shower in the night). And I definitely disagree that you can’t attempt to do anything about it. There’s a good chance that you could fall out with the girl. It’s deciding the best way to approach it

MolyHolyGuacamole · 04/10/2020 12:57

Ugh, I used to live with one. No idea how people get through life like this. And she worked in a quite respectable profession as well. We'd get ready for work at the same time in the morning, I woke up before her; she'd wake up, walk in the bathroom, flush the toilet after about 30 seconds and walk back out, that was it. Wasn't brushing her teeth, and yes her breath did smell. Was not shocked when she eventually had to have teeth removed.

MzHz · 04/10/2020 12:58

Ask them to leave. It’s not going to get any better whatever you do

MolyHolyGuacamole · 04/10/2020 12:58

@DimidDavilby

Sorry but not everyone is as obsessed with hygiene as those on mumsnet. There's fuck all you can do about a housemate not showering to your schedule except for move.

The unhygienic flat mates are out today

LoveEatYoga · 04/10/2020 13:00

Sorry but not everyone is as obsessed with hygiene as those on mumsnet.

Showering daily (or even every other day?) isn't being obsessed with hygiene

SBTLove · 04/10/2020 13:00

@DesignerDesigner
You need to not be so condescending.

52andblue · 04/10/2020 13:01

I think you need to say:
'I'm really sorry to embarrass you but I've noticed you have quite bad BO. If I have noticed others might too so I thought I'd tell you kindly.'

My two teenagers have ASD and I have to remind them constantly.
They hate it, so do I but I don't want them in this situation when they are older. I am NOT saying your flatmate has ASD btw, just that she may genuinely not realise. My teens don't, my ex didn't either.

Girlzroolz · 04/10/2020 13:02

Burn so much incense in communal areas that you force her to start a conversation about smells?

‘Ah, I’m glad you mentioned that...’

LoveEatYoga · 04/10/2020 13:03

@Girlzroolz

Burn so much incense in communal areas that you force her to start a conversation about smells?

‘Ah, I’m glad you mentioned that...’

BreatheAndFocus · 04/10/2020 13:03

Broach it in a way that assumes they must have been too busy/ you ŵere in the shower when they wanted to use it/ they weren’t sure how it worked.

That’s kindest and less awkward. Then plan out a vague schedule, implying you each have a daily shower, of course.

TheRIDs · 04/10/2020 13:04

I don’t think a MN hygiene bunfight is going to help the OP.

From multiple previous hygiene-related threads, it’s clear the vast majority of people understand that daily hygiene is a basic act of self-care and courtesy to others. A minority are super clean freak weirdos for various reasons (I’m one of those!) and a minority are extremely slack with hygiene, again for a range of reasons.

None of this helps the OP. She needs to decide how to deal with a person who smells sharing her space.

Polite but direct is the only way, OP.

SmudgeButt · 04/10/2020 13:09

this is going to be an ongoing battle so I'd certainly do something very direct. How about posting a bathroom schedule? Point out that you won't be using the bathroom at 8 am every other day so that would be a time they can shower. I suspect they may also not wash their clothing/linen frequently so ensure you know when they can use the washing machine or where they local laundromat is.

LoveEatYoga · 04/10/2020 13:11

What is she like otherwise? Do you think you will get along? How do you think she would react to you saying something? I think how she seems generally is relevant

LynetteScavo · 04/10/2020 13:12

"I'm not sure this is working out well because I'm quite sensitive to smell, and because you don't shower that often I'm struggling with your body odour."

daisychain01 · 04/10/2020 13:12

I'd move somewhere else, even if not immediately start looking for other suitable places.

I couldn't put up with it, and wouldn't see it my place to police an adult's hygiene standards. That would be a really embarrassing and humiliating conversation to have with someone who you've been thrown together with, by fate not design.

Elsewyre · 04/10/2020 13:13

@Jojobar

You can't tell someone to shower. You can at most suggest a cleaning rota for housework etc but if they don't agree then there's not more you can do Unfortunately it's one of the drawbacks of living in shared accommodation.

Of course you can tell somone to shower.

You can tell somone anything if they listen or not is anrher matter

LoveEatYoga · 04/10/2020 13:15

The other thing is even if you shame them into washing a bit more, if they're the type of person who is unhygienic/ inconsiderate they will always lapse into not showering

DesignerDesigner · 04/10/2020 13:17

@SBTLove You were rather condescending to the OP by saying you'd never ever heard of this situation except on a forum. All I did was correct your assumption. (And your name is Love )

MilerVino · 04/10/2020 13:21

Sorry but not everyone is as obsessed with hygiene as those on mumsnet.

It's not about an obsession with hygiene. It is a basic courtesy not to infringe on someone else's space and that includes making that space smell bad.

I think I'd start with talking through how the shower works and then if that doesn't work, move on to a brief, blunt and uncomfortable conversation about washing. Doesn't have to be obsessive, just washing every day or so so you don't stink.

Babyboomtastic · 04/10/2020 13:21

I think you need to wait and see what the situation is in a few days time.

It's possible that you are extra sensitive because you are a self confessed neat freak, but it's also possible that they really do pong.

They could be keeping their washbag in their room, and may have showered/had a bath when you were asleep.

I think making things permanently awkward for both of you (which it would do) on the third full day of you living together is a very bad idea unless there really is no option.

PuppyMonkey · 04/10/2020 13:24

(even if they do have a shower every day, what’s the betting they probably won’t wash their clothes often enough?). Shudder.

jessstan1 · 04/10/2020 13:26

@tillytoodles1

I'm sure they can't smell that bad after just a few days unless they were already unwashed when they arrived.

Oh I'm sure they do! The op said, "A few days", not one day. I couldn't put up with that.

Tell them you are very sorry but plans have changed and you have to provide accommodation for a relative as an emergency but you can give them time to find somewhere else.

roarfeckingroarr · 04/10/2020 13:35

I lived with a stinker once. I left. She was vile. Days without showering and her room stank.

SBTLove · 04/10/2020 13:37

@DesignerDesigner
saying you’ve never heard of something isn’t condescending, genuinely don’t know anyone who has lived like that.

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