Flatmate’s hygiene

[rainyday03]

I had a new flat mate move in a few days ago. They haven’t showered since being here. Whenever they use the bathroom it smells of unwashed person. They’re also a bit messy but I’ve overlooked that so far because I’m a clean freak. But I’m really struggling with the fact that my home now smells of dirty smelly person! When you walk past their room it smells even more strongly. Is there anything I can do to broach this or make it better without being rude? :(

Wasn't there a similar thread posted a month or two ago only it was a new lodger rather than a new flatmate?

Forget the smell, it's the actual hygiene issue which is of urgent concern. And IS worth complaining to the landlord about. I'm in a high risk coronavirus area and it's obvious to me that if someone stinks they're not cleaning themselves enough, and that probably goes for handwashing too. I would NOT be happy, and would have no qualms about telling the person that they needed to keep themselves clean so that you feel you can use the communal areas of the house safely.

I think you may be seen as rude to do so, but would support the issue being addressed. Covid 19 and the need for certain levels of hygiene especially hand washing gives a very good reason so to do.

I think it is hard to raise something so person without the other person getting defensive do PPs suggestions about how to use the shower and washing machine could be a could start.

You do have to live with this person (unless you are willing to find somewhere else to live)

I am far too invested in this thread

You can’t tell a fully grown adult to shower and brush their teeth so you will just have to wear a peg on your nose if they really smell that bad (which I doubt), but you can tell them to clean up after themselves if their mess encroaches on your space.

Just confront her about it

Yuck, I had a housemate like this. Her room was something else, it was grim. She bust her en-suite loo by stuffing cotton wool balls down it and then used mine and would leave it in quite a state. I left her a note politely asking that if she used my toilet to please wipe it down afterwards, she never brought it up again.

In your position I’d innocently say ‘I’ve just realised I haven’t shown you how to use the shower, let me show you now, you can leave all your toiletries here’ etc. You have my sympathy, it’s disgusting living with someone who doesn’t wash.

Some adults have just never been properly directed in this basic stuff as kids by their parents. I have a colleague at work who says that didn't realise she needed to do a lot of things until she went in the army. Also needed parenting classes as she just had never had that role model at home showing her the basics of caring for yourself and others. I also had a friend who was in boarding school from a young age. He went to uni and ponged when you got near him. He had lacked a parenting influence to make sure he kept clean, I suppose. Probably the house parents didn't get as physically close to them as a parent might so no-one told him?

Also, we tend to be quite hygienic and clean in this country, probably too much the other way, but there are some cultures who don't see the need to wash so often. If they move to a different country where people are washing daily and they are not used to that then the body smell differences will show. They may not realise it at first.

And before jumps in accusing me of saying that "all foreigners smell" and that I'm a racist , I would probably be the one sticking out in somewhere like Japan, one of the cleanest countries in the world. They'd probably think I was a minger!

Likewise, on the subject of bodies and what we do with them as a culture, I wouldn't get on with naked communal saunas in Sweden either, but it's totally normal to them as a culture.

Could/would you say if there may be a cultural difference? Or what else you know about the person's background eg family support, that might indicate they just don't realise that washing daily is necessary to stop you smelling?

so you will just have to wear a peg on your nose if they really smell that bad (which I doubt)

@Angelina82 We have no reason to doubt it. OP is actually there, we're not.

@DesignerDesigner

I think you need to say something because the odds are this person is offending other people too - do they work or see friends?

The fact is- the science- that we start to smell of BO within 2 hours of washing if we don't use deodorant - that's how long it takes for the bacteria to start feeding on our sweat and creating the pong.

I think I'd start with...

Anne- do you think I could have a chat with you about something a bit sensitive?
I'm really sorry to have to bring it up but I've noticed that since you moved in you don't seem to have used the shower or maybe your toothbrush.
This is really hard for me to say, but you do have a body odour issue. I felt I had to mention it as it's really obvious and will be to other people.

And see how she reacts.

This. Maybe also something more solution oriented like «I’d really appreciate if you could take a shower at least every other day».

As a PP stated it is either the awkwardness or the smell - I’d definitely choose the one off awkwardness!

Now I've thought about this, I wonder whether other cultures who use bidets/shower their nether regions after using the toilet might think that I smell, cos I don't! (Just a daily morning shower)

@SBTLove

Only on MN have I come across this; new flatmate you’ve never met and just turns up, very odd. Every flat I’ve shared or known of the main tenant finds the flatmate or replacement not some random shoved in by landlord.

Same here.

I shared with a housemate who showered once a week max and her ear wax was black. This was a clever person in a professional job. Her boyfriend was BO smelly too. I never would have told her to shower more though and I don’t think it would have made a difference to her habits anyway.

I also shared with a woman who bathed with her boyfriend (who didn’t live there) at 2am. There was lots of splashing and giggling and tbh that was worse.

That’s the problem with flat/house shares. You have to tolerate so many different behaviours when you live with strangers.

I'd just say 'woah m'dear think you need to hit shower' tbh.

It's really odd that you can smell a girl if she's only been a few days without a shower though. Unless she does a lot of exercise and doesn't change clothes. She really must have gone a while.

You do have to be tolerant to share a house or flat with someone but there should be some level of basic consideration and this should include personal hygiene and not bathing loudly with a partner at unsociable hours

To the previous poster who said Brits are 'quite hygienic and clean'...believe me, to the rest of the world you are seen as quite the opposite! As the old Aussie joke goes: "Where is the best place to hide money from a Pom? Under the soap"

But they only moved in Thursday. If they showered at old place Thursday then really not that long. I'm guessing your smelling unwashed clothes?

I don't think you smell just because you don't use a bidet though I use a bidet every day and obviously it's cleaner but I do think people don't get that smelling isn't just about sweating underarms. When someone doesn't wash, you can smell their scalp and skin, if you are close enough.

Maybe the smells are from unwashed clothes that she hasn't yet dealt with. The only way to deal with this, is to say something about her odours bothering you, or be forever spraying air freshener around, she might get the message then, or choke to death on the horrible spray smells !

I would say something like 'Hey. How are you settling? Are you managing to find/work everything ok? The shower can be a bit temperamental, but don't let that put you off, and let me know if you need a hand working it?'

Direct enough but not completely brutal

Has she got covid and lost her sense of smell???

Then again, most of us wash due to daily habit, not because the smell has prompted it.

Sorry but not everyone is as obsessed with hygiene as those on mumsnet
There's fuck all you can do about a housemate not showering to your schedule except for move

Yep

I don't think washing so you aren't walking around smelling is being 'obsessed' with hygiene.

I find it hard to believe someone smells that much after a few days. There have been very similar threads before. Look them up for advice.

I can believe someone would smell bad after a few days of not showering, I certainly would (though I've never tested the theory).

I used to sit across a smelly person at work, I didn't mention it as I would have been mortified but his line manager had a word eventually. Unfortunately it didn't have the desired effect.