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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband won't speak to me

219 replies

Bishpish · 07/09/2020 09:51

I don't know whether I am furious or upset. My husband won't speak to me because I took our children to school this morning. I was up at 5:30am preparing everything, he woke up at 8:10am and said he thought he was taking them as he has previously. I asked him to come with me but he didn't want to.

When I got back he was upset with me, saying he's taking them tomorrow. I said I wanted to take them but he 2as welcome to come along. Then he starts the dramatics saying that I'm stopping him from going to school, etc.

No, DH, you have done NOTHING to help me for 6 months now....you can't just cherry pick your favourite job and jump back up to help when it suits you.

I want to take them to school, he is more than welcome to come but he won't. He wants to take them on his own.

I am so upset, he probably won't speak to me for a week now or until I've told him I've changed my mind. Previously I would have just given in for a quiet life but I want to start doing what I want. Is that wrognof me?

OP posts:
D4rwin · 07/09/2020 09:53

The stonewalling method of punishment is hugely ridiculous. Is he a manbrat or is this part of a manipulative side of his personality.

KurriKawari · 07/09/2020 09:54

Stay in bed tomorrow and let him get up at 5.30am.

blanchmange50 · 07/09/2020 09:56

So he is a 'show' dad, takes the DC to school, other parents mainly female fawning over what a great dad he is for doing school drop off. But day to day stuff and home schooling during lockdown he did nothing... if your with a man who will sulk and not speak for days I wouldnt be staying with him. He is not a good example to his DC and not a good dad

Boom45 · 07/09/2020 09:56

He wont talk to you? Urgh.
And he wants to lie in bed until gone 8 while you run around getting the kids up, helping them wash and dress and give them breakfast. Then he wants to do the 1 parenting job that people outside the home see? So he can look like a "hands on dad"? Nope.

gamerchick · 07/09/2020 09:56

Why the school run? Is there someone he thinks tasty also doing the school run?

Does him doing the school run also include getting the kids ready for school? The face he didn't get up until after 8 doesn't suggest it does.

Personally any man who ignores me for a week and make the house and u comfortable atmosphere for my kids would have to leave. He can do the school run on his contact days.

gamerchick · 07/09/2020 09:57

*an uncomfortable

pinkyredrose · 07/09/2020 09:58

Why has he done fuck all for 6 months?

Rigamorph · 07/09/2020 09:58

??????

This is two adults in a relationship, right?

Not two children arguing over who gets to take the dog for a walk??

pumpkinpie01 · 07/09/2020 09:59

He sounds pathetic and immature . Hasn't communicated with you that he would like to take them , then also refuses to go with you ! That's just ridiculous!

Weenurse · 07/09/2020 09:59

When mine used to do this, I told him if he wanted to behave like a toddler who could not use his words, I would treat him like one.
I would then point to the naughty corner.

Florencex · 07/09/2020 10:00

I really could not cope with somebody who would sulk for a week.

But I don’t really understand why there is an issue, why don’t you take it turns to take them to school if it is something you both enjoy. Agree that whoever of you is taking them also gets them ready.

RightYesButNo · 07/09/2020 10:01

Couldn’t agree more with everyone. I would bet you a MOUNTAIN of gold that at least some of the mums fawned over the “dad” doing the school runs, because I’ve seen it happen. I’ve always been of the opinion that a dad is a parent, so why the hell wouldn’t they be doing the school run, but different strokes, I guess.

You’re absolutely right that he shouldn’t get to just cherry pick a job if he’s been no help to you otherwise. Won’t speak to you for a WEEK? The silent treatment is such an unhealthy and childish way to deal with disagreement anyway. Really shows exactly how old he is emotionally. What a horrible household to live in. My dad was like this and I used to get terrible stomachaches as a child until he finally left our house.

So he...

  1. Doesn’t help you.
  2. Only wants to do his favorite “chore.”
  3. Sulks and gives you the silent treatment.
What a prince. Hmm, does he strop off to his room and yell you’re the worst wife ever and he doesn’t love you anymore, because that’s all that’s missing from this man toddler.
CalmdownJanet · 07/09/2020 10:01

stay in bed tomorrow and let him get up at 5.30am
Did you read the op? Confused

Is there someone on the school run he wants to see? That was my first thought, otherwise his reaction and subsequent behaviour is very odd

pinkyredrose · 07/09/2020 10:04

OP why not let him take the kids on his own and you follow at a distance?

TheHappyHerbivore · 07/09/2020 10:04

He’s being a twat. If he wants to do it he can - why does he object to you being there? And why isn’t he helping with the prep side of things?

Agree it’s totally because he wants to do some performance parenting at the school gates to show what a caring, involved dad he is without actually doing any of the work that goes with it.

Isadora2007 · 07/09/2020 10:04

I’m confused as to why anyone would fight over the school run!?!?
But that aside I would be discussing with him that the school run includes getting the kids ready and preparing lunches etc. So he is more than welcome to do the lot starting tomorrow. But if he isn’t up and ready to get the kids stuff ready by 7/7.30 you will do it as usual.
Sounds like there is a real need for you to sit down and talk adult to adult and see what’s going on in your relationship.

TempestHayes · 07/09/2020 10:06

Ignore him.

The best bit about someone not speaking to you is you don't have to deal with them anymore.

Get busy, do some things, pop some headphones in, crack on with some tasks, take your kids to school, pick them up. Ignore him entirely.

He can either join in with life or not, but don't give him the satisfaction of wanting him to join in.

TheHappyHerbivore · 07/09/2020 10:07

OP why not let him take the kids on his own and you follow at a distance?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 07/09/2020 10:08

Having an affair/crush with someone at the school gates?

Nanny0gg · 07/09/2020 10:10

whilst he's ignoring you, I hope you're ignoring him.

To the extent you don't cook for him, wash his clothes , clear up after him or anything else.

The start planning how to ditch him.

Ceilingfan · 07/09/2020 10:11

Having an affair/crush with someone at the school gates?

Yup

seayork2020 · 07/09/2020 10:11

This is a side issue but what on earth is happening in your place that means one adult needs to get up at 5.30?

Is it a self employed work thing?

Pollypocket89 · 07/09/2020 10:13

I find it really sad all the affair accusations... Maybe he just loves his children and actually wants to take them to school. Nothing weird

ColleagueFromMars · 07/09/2020 10:14

No. He doesn't get to cherry pick the nice public jobs when you've been doing the shitwork at home for 6 months.

Nor does he get any benefits to being in a nice relationship if he can't resolve conflict any better than the silent treatment. It's childish, immature, totally disrespectful and manipulative. And I wouldn't put up with a man who did that for one second longer.

canigooutyet · 07/09/2020 10:15

Why are you still with this child?

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